epratt,

At month 6 of my recovery my father died and my job became a living hell so much so that I almost quit, it was that stressful yet relapse never became an option for me. It was tempting, extremely so but I had come too far to allow anything that was going on in my life to get in the way of my recovery and subsequent sobriety.

I learned a valuable lesson that when we commit to change,the universe throws a monkey wrench just to see just how committed we are about it. It seems absurd but it is true. So what did I do? I dug my heels in a dealt with the situations by realizing that I could only control myself and my thoughts and find out what I could do about it.

I learned that stress and worry accomplishes nothing whatsoever, in fact it magnifies the anxiety, so I learned to simply let go of the worry and stress by doing the things I could do that were in my control. in my case, I played Call of Duty to address the anger I felt towards the unresolved relationship I had with my father, I cried weeks after the fact, I wrote a lot. Regarding my job, I had to come to the realization that I had to stop letting my boss get to me, I was not going to react to his crap and it helped me to the point where months later, I was given a promotion, it was not monetary but it did make it possible not to deal with him anymore.

My advice, you may not have the time but in the time you do have look for a job, start networking, and STOP worrying altogether, tell yourself that there is a job lined up for you everyday, and every time you feel worry coming on. Take your classes and concentrate on your school work but not as an escape from worry but for what it is: homework, otherwise you'll learn nothing.

Be proactive instead of reactive. This is very important. There is absolutely no reason for you to relapse, even if there were a meteor about to hit the Earth and you had minutes to live, would you want your last minutes spent on that? I think not! Relapse is NOT and WILL NEVER be an option, so please stop talking/mentioning it because every time you do, your addictive mind gets more active hoping it'll get its fix. When what should be happening is the opposite: silencing it forever.

Last but just as important: Be accountable to yourself, start a relationship with you, this is what recovery is all about, getting to know you, who you really are underneath all that addictive behavior. What I am saying is that addictive behavior leads to dependency on others, accountability can become a dependency, so nip it in the bud and gain your total freedom and independence.

What needs to happen here for you is the realization that you are more important than any relapse, it starts by reclaiming your personal power, once that happens nothing that ever comes your way can neither defeat you nor knock you off your road. That work is done during recovery.

Hope this helps,
Wolf

Congrats E!

I would say good for you for being accountable and for your success to stay true to your goal of recovery.