First off, congratulations on your success so far. I'm finishing my first clean week in several months today.

Probably the best thing for me is to try to stay away from as much that triggers me as possible although sometimes it's harder to avoid than it would appear.

The next thing i do whenever i feel a craving catching on is find something to do. I find some one to talk to online who I can't or wont interact with in a sexual manner. I'm a bit of a sports junkie so whenever I feel something lately I go watch pro wrestling or basketball or take a walk. I have gotten a lot into playing card games and board games with family and friends (My pool game has improved exponentially lol).

One other thing that I think of is simply thinking about all the stuff that's happened over the last few years. I've had legal problems, got put on leave from a job related to that, rebuilding trust with family and friends and really delayed my own progress as a man. It was depriving myself of the things I cherish just to satisfy the urges.....I don't want to relive that.

I hope this helps a little and I wish you the best of luck

Variable,

I posted this on another thread but it bears repeating:


1) Triggers are simply a sign of something else going on, it is a sign that there is an emotion that you have not addressed, since you have been acting out to cope with them.

2) Keeping a log of your triggers will help but even more helpful would be to also write that what brought it on. Example from my own log of 4 years ago: "Boss yelled at me again, feel like in indulging" Then I wrote: "Feel frustrated, angry, tired of it." That right there, it's what's behind the trigger, the emotion that you will need to feel and as you learn to feel them, the triggers will subside in time.

3) A week into recovery, you will be lighting up like a Christmas tree because your body is craving something it is no longer receiving, it's the addictive mind at work, so what can you do? Remembering that you are one day closer to sobriety helps a lot, no matter how hard it screams and it will, it will not get the reward, a small mantra of "Not right now" helps, as well.

4) But the most useful tip is this one: Your thoughts will always precede a reaction, so pay attention to your thoughts. I am not saying to be paranoid, but be present at all times, so you can pay attention to your thoughts. Self awareness is key here and the most valuable skill you can use during recovery. You've done about everything to avoid reality through acting out, now being here in the now is the key to your sobriety.

5) Making it the least time you acted out, the very last time also helps because it gives you an ultimatum and it also pushes you forward, what I did was make it impossible for me to relapse. How? By simply reminding myself of 2 basic facts:

a) I had already spent 30 years on it and I was not going to give it any more of my life

b) That if I relapsed I'd have to start the clock all over again and I was not in the mood to start all over again. Failure was not an option, not because I feared failure but because I simply refused to fail.

6) Keeping a journal also helps. But more important is to start a diet of reading and listening to inspirational books and lectures, so that your mind is filled with positive thoughts all day long before you know it, your thoughts change but you have to absorb the thoughts first,

7) Used the spare time you have and fill it with self affirming pursuits like learning a new skill, going back to school, reading books you've always wanted to read, surround yourself with positive people and specially people who do not engage in the behavior that you used to do.

8) Make sure you have erased every single aspect of your past life everywhere around you, there is no "Just in case" or even "Just this once" anymore. This is very crucial to understand.

9) I build myself around my recovery and subsequent sobriety by living the life of someone who never saw porn, just like I did when I quit smoking. I stayed away from sex stores, did not watch R rated movies, canceled premium channels and simply watched G rated and PG movies that were light in content.

10) Last but not least: You are NOT your addiction, anymore than if you had a wallet, you would not be the wallet. This is very important you have an addiction, in the same way you have a cold. That is to say, that something outside of yourself has commanded use of your body. This is important: something OUTSIDE of yourself. So by logic, NOTHING outside of yourself can have any rights to rule you, in any way. To close, a trigger is just that, a trigger, there is nothing you need to do, nothing to reward it, simply feel it and move on. Do not give it any more importance that it deserves.

Which brings me to: The right perspective during recovery makes all the difference and it is this nugget: Up until now, you've make the addiction the most important thing in your life, you've fed it kept it warm and i'm sure even sacrificed plenty for it and ask yourself what you've gotten in return. The answer is you've lost and I'm certain you've gotten zilch, right? So I ask you this now: "Is it not about time that you made YOU the priority?"

Best of luck in your journey,
Wolf (almost 4 years sober)

P.S. Just a warning, as days wear on, you will feel like a bear with the worst flea infestation ever with no tree to be found anywhere. The good news? This too shall pass, it will feel like forever but it is just the addiction talking. I say it so you are being fully aware of what awaits you: insomnia, depression, hunger, thirst, anger, frustration, etc, just feel them and the more you feel them the better, the good news is that eventually you'll be sober.

And incidentally, abstinence for 90 days is not only mandatory but required, do that you break the connection between the sexual behavior and the addiction. Before you say: "Oh no!" I have this to remind you, it is not that long a time. I had to put it off towards 6 months because I was still having sexually intruding thoughts. If I can do it, so can you. "

Hope this helps
Wolf (4 years sober)

Thanks, Wolf, that helps a lot!

Wolfiepa, that information helps a lot. Thank you. I am new to this. I need to stay clean or my marriage may be over.
Variable,
27 days? that's awesome. I'm taking it hour by hour right now and can't imagine 27 days, but i want to get there. Good job man.

First congratulations on 27 days! HALT. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. When I experience any of these is when I feel like using the most. So I HALT! and look at where these feelings are coming from. In my experience I didn't just end up wanting to use something on the spur of the moment. There has always been things leading up to it. Triggers and knowing them is key. Another thing to do once you know the trigger don't focus undue attention on it. Like being constantly on guard or obsessing you might run into temptation. Thus "let go let God" or a whomever your higher power may be. When I first began to recognize my triggers I thought I would have to walk around with my head looking down all the time. That isn't reality. I have to come in contact with people. How I react to things is different than when I first started out and changes all the time. Recovery is a process not an event. I promise the longer you forgo giving in the better you will feel. Your recovery will depend on how well you adapt to it. You will learn coping skills as you go. One thing I've learned in 12 step groups is "take what you need and leave the rest." That simple means take what you think will help and leave whatever doesn't sound right. You will see what works through trial and error. I wish you continued success in your recovery efforts.