i think the new format has pushed people away from this forum but there was also ALOT of drama before you were here and people got fed up with it. It sounds to me that you are on a good path of recovery...how long sober?

I find the new format to be very inconvenient.

I don't find the new format so difficult it makes a good excuse for not participating, you can still write, and it just takes a few minutes to research or attempt to figure it out. The problem is most addicts in their illness or spiritual deficiency thing change is negative, and they see it as change, not necessarily something "new." Nobody is thinking about how much money DS might be saving on the new change, it all is about how "we" don't like it. I knew the last format, and the activity was poor at times there as well, so I am not buying it is the new format absolutely, but I do agree it might have more of an effect than I want to admit.

I have been sober a couple of years now. Back to the participation thing, I know before I prayed for the courage and willingness to earn the power to share recently, I would just read the posts, and not want to contribute because I thought some government program was watching me be honest on a pornography recovery board, LOL! I have come to the realization that it's better to be honest, open, and not scared, than to hold everything in, and possibly die from grief and convoluted misery. If the whole world finds out I jack off to women much older than me, and "freaky" things, then so be it, it's not like they don't take one look at me in public and say to themselves, "that guy probably is a sex maniac." I was just reading the SAA material today, and it clearly states it is better to be honest with yourself, and see who you are squarely, than to deny and exist in a mind frame that wants to be someone else. I want to be the classy, respectful, gentleman, who all women change life courses for, but I am quite the opposite, I am the side piece, the non-committal piece of meat women use to get a break from their better half temporarily. I am the guy who lies, just to enable the romantic fantasy of the lonely woman, knowing damn well I get high off seeing women bow to their lower lusts and "lose it" sexually. It is a subtle competition with me, and that is defective resentment, which I see as very immature in the profitable accommodations of unity and chemistry, however, unlike how I used to view it, due to a system of religious zealousness that used God's law to build wealth, I think God views it as a comedy show, and not a basis to condemn me to hell.

I think God sees me as a lovable fool, who is deeply insecure, knows he is no match for honorable men who can win women over, but equally knows he is a very sexually stimulating physical specimen that easily can seduce or sleep with whoever, so I am the guy every married guy, loses sleep over, if he cares about his wife or woman.

That's me, the guy women cheat with, the lover boy, the home-wrecker, I know it deep in my core, and I am sorry, because I think fantasizing about "getting even" with "winners" led to me wanting to conquer "property", how most honorable men view their relationships with women subconsciously, and even though it makes me feel like I am getting shoveled shit poured on my head again, I think with this admission, I can heal from the negative obsession of wanting to lead women to "liberation through unfaithfulness", and focus on more constructive agendas.

Some of the character defects I have that lead me to think proper action, through denial, of breaking up a union I see unfit, with the help of my ego, is the due course of my life, are the desires for control, unchecked entitlement within my mind, strong feelings of insecurity and alienation, and the hardest one to admit, selfishness. So yes, that makes me a scumbag, in reality that makes me a scumbag, and I have to be careful not to be overridden by guilt in that admission, I am a scumbag, but I am a lovable scumbag who has no desire to negatively be a detriment while sexual, so I still have a conscious in that department, which sadly some people lose if their sexual addiction is not addressed. Women who manipulate powerful men so they can conclude their subtle desire to steal their seed desiring their own control and power, to fill insecurities, could be doing it with a lack of a conscience, then won't be able to save themselves when that seed has vengeance upon the individual for being taken on the inside. What I am saying is I still have some love in my sexual addiction, and from studying love addiction, I see that feelings of knowing the "important" and obsessing over individuals as if they were higher powers can decrease the potential of a life.

Love addiction is really an exploitation of greedy needs. Love addicts use the typical human function of needing something, like food, air, water, and turn it into an argument of how they are more important than others, and how they need the attention of others to survive. It is very off course, and a lie, if you can see it wisely, but sadly most love addicts make more enemies than friends, because their love addiction requires them to have "co-signers" to their lie of thinking they need attention and "love" more than others, and eventually people just see them as drama queens or major assholes, because their lies, that they need more attention and blessings from others, are clear to others who are not love addicts, and anyone who commits to communication with lies or a liar who is in denial of their love addiction, will eventually not be able to tolerate the drain of energy it will produce by being their friend. The reason for the drain is the love addict will demand more time, energy, and authorization than any human can possible give, so the demand is the problem, and if you search hard enough you will see the demand stems from greed, most people think of money when they think of greed, but this is a greedy demand to have ones emotional base filled by innocent people who just want to live a peaceful, normal life. Anyone concerned with peace and normalcy is not going to tolerate a love addict, because again, the demand, driven by greed, selfishness, and inconsideration, is such a great quantity to be filled with emotional supply that no human power could ever do the job perfectly. That is another thing about love addicts, not only do they demand you fill their emotional centers, that more than not their family of origin failed to do, but to their credit not being able to because the task was impossible, they also demand that you fill their emotional centers perfectly, despite constant critique that you aren't doing a good enough job even when trying your hardest, too ignorant, the love addict, to realize that the attempt to fill a void perfectly, is fundamentally exhausting, and with exhaustion comes the decrease of perfection, so the love addict is an idiot, if you really want to know the raw truth, and I've been a love addict, so I am an idiot, but I am a recovering idiot, and that is all God requires, and the world honors that.

My writing style is herky, jerky, so I doubt anyone comprehensively got 100 percent of what I was flowing with, but again, I am participating, and I feel lighter and more wholesome from doing so, and if you are saying the format has the power to stop what I just did, that is not true, all I did was log on, find the group, joined the group, and then started typing in the box after I pressed "new post." Not having the freedom to utilize a format in a Country that forbids speak of pornography addiction and recovery is a terrible format, they should have great shame for not allowing their people to be free, shame on them, great shame on them, shall they have shame forever, shame on you hoes, shame on you donkeys. Ok, I'm just joshing around there lol, I don't have the power to provide shame, but all I am saying is the format is a poor excuse not to address something that kills people, sexual addiction can and will kill a person if not confronted and dealt with thoroughly.

THe format is one reason but I also seen people leave after being attacked for being in recovery...addicts in full blown acting out don't want to hear the truth ftom addicts and not from the trauma from spouses...some left and continue to pm each other ...the group had great advice and members with years of sobriety and great recovery plans in place. I am glad to hear that you have been sober for years ..

Wow Candycin, I was just talking about that with my sponsor yesterday, how when an addict recovers, and then starts to act correctly and help more, he or she is attacked by the still sick. I've even seen people with long term sobriety attack the new person who is actually doing very well. It is very sick, non-spiritually driven willpower to have it "their" way, usually is the basis for people not wanting to hear the truth. Fortunately that controlling aspect is easily written away with from God, I personally know scores of "control freaks" and always do they have major problem with sustaining relationships and forgiving people. I think the aspect of desiring control is an indication a person has been harmed in the past and as a defense mechanism doesn't want to be harmed again. I do think it is a lack of faith to control others, even in attacking someone who is emotionally vulnerable like most people in recovery, the ignorance of the attacker doesn't know that encouragement is the key to someone recovering, not minimizing their efforts or harboring ill will towards them for what they did in their sickness. People are not perfect little angels, and as a matter of fact, most little "perfect angels" I've met are the worst negative characters behind closed doors one could ever encounter. A good test to see if someone has your best interest, if you are on a positive path towards healthy recovery, in this case sexual addiction recovery, is if they are criticizing your asset building, and putting forth negative or pessimistic assessment when discussing progress. I can always tell if someone is jealous, envious, hateful, or doesn't like me by just listening to their assessment of a personal situation I have recently be blessed with for example. If the person is happy, shares in the joy, feels better from hearing of success that is personal to me, I know they have my best interest and have no intentions of attacking me. If the person acts like they are happy to hear the news, but then injects negativity about it shortly after, then I know that the person is coming from an attitude of entitlement, secretly thinking they were the ones who deserved the blessing, and for me personally it is a great source of frustration, however I have learned that distancing myself from a person who has a greater self-interest than an interest in success across the board, is wise, and a natural stress reliever. The question I am asking internally is "should I consider that escapism?" If the house is on fire, is it wise to stay in the house, tolerating the flames, eventually burning to death? No, getting out of the house, and immediately starting a plan of action to build a new, is very healthy, and a reality non-martyrs like myself benefit from greatly. In recovery I've found it is wise to be active, especially when others aren't, it builds character, and it is a practice of courage that most are too fear driven to consider. Thanks.

I have only known this format, but I did get flamed a couple of months ago, and I felt it was something to do with the format. I made a post moaning about my wife, who is an alcoholic and someone flamed me and basically implied I was a hypocrite for complaining about her when I also drank. I think the comment said - "I bet you were a real peach when you drank..." or similar. On what that person read from my comment, I guess it was fair enough, but if they'd read previous posts where I'd given a good deal more background they might have thought I've been pretty tolerant and supportive....or maybe not. Basically, I think the format makes it less obvious how to catch up with people's ear;ier posts. I know how to do it now, but its not obvious.
What dissappointed me was that one of the first things I read on here was the comment "We don't shoot our wounded on here", which is a powerfully supportive phrase....then you get flamed and it feels like maybe some do shoot the wounded. I guess there is no-where on the internet without trolls. I mean, I defy you to find one single Youtube video on anything at all without someone getting nasty within 20 comments - its pretty sad really.

There are always going to be people more interested in tearing someone down than building them up. If you set a standard of automatically accepting those people as simply immature and not helpful, they have less power, it's an indirect form of controlling their impact on your life. For instance, not once have I taken the time to pay attention to Trump, who I already know is a very sad, immature, and jealous man. He tears people down, insults them, and "trolls" because he is too unintelligent to know right from wrong actually, it couldn't be anymore wrong to "shoot your wounded." Just for the simple fact of power, if you're shooting your wounded thinking they are a burden, you eliminate the fact that wounds heal, often way stronger than they were before, and only an immature person wouldn't be able to see that. An outcast now, at the AA group I attend, once said we should "help them down" when talking about alcoholics that weren't convinced they had a serious problem of both mind and body. Not only is that playing God, which people like Trump and trolls like to do, another unintelligent attribute of sad, pathetic, inferior men, but it is also decreasing the power of unity by basic arithmetic, because everyone knows if you shoot one, you have one less soldier. Trump dodged the draft five times, so he wouldn't know what it takes to be a good soldier or general anyhow, and haters are sad, and what is even more sad is their downfall when people applaud due to what they did in the past. This is a very cold and heartless world when it comes to the punishment of bullies, we seem to get excited when we realize death is coming to someone who got away with things we all saw as wrong.

I've found that accepting the reality that God needs me to be a player in a world that has people of the Trump nature is the best route for victory. For two reason I say this, for one, who needs to study what an idiot is when you have a Donald Trump showing you daily without you having to provide much effort in return, and two, I get a great example of what losers are, especially when they think they are winning. God needs me to be the exact opposite of Donald Trump, not for my sanity, for others sanity, the guy clearly has the cancerous ambition and character that makes people want to vomit when he is in their presence, and regardless of his material success he has a poor character all leaders of America prior are embarrassed about frankly. The line of Presidents has now been tarnished by his incorporation, and who wants to aspire to be President anymore actually now that an inferior manipulated this system to sneak into the club? The previous Presidents I personally would have had little problem being aligned with, however now the degradation of this new guy, who poor, angry, uneducated, racist, and ungodly individuals catapulted to the status of "leader of the free world" has made the American Presidency something less honorable and more elementary, it's like a woman playing Football, it might be fun to watch and interesting initially, but eventually people will lose interest and minimize the power.

An unselfish Don Trump would have never run, knowing this character and brand isn't good for the appraisal of America, but Don Trump is the face of selfishness, and care more about Trump, than America. Sad people always care more about themselves than anyone else, and sad people will always make you miserable, mostly on the offensive, because they know deep down inside they are inferior.

Let God judge them, and have no shame when you ignore them to the point of tears. They deserve tears.