I will say a prayer for you.

Thank u

As the wife of a recovering addict i can tell you that your wife is hurt, feeling very betrayed and is likely experience great trauma. The more work and resources you use is firstly very important to your recovery success but also shows her how serious you are about staying sober and being in true recovery. Therapy, 12 step meetings, healthy outlets and remaining sober...are you speaking to her at all? Does she know what you have been doing to change your life?

We talk about everyday. I go to celebrate recovery which is a 12!step process. She knows what I am doing as well. I am also on here and there is an app that I do that u check in and you have support from other people as well. She said she isn't " in love" with me anymore. She said she has felt this way for a little while now. I am doing everything I can to prove and show her I am serious about beating this and that she is the most important person/thing to me. If her is any other help advice u can give me I am all for.

Hard to say if she is actually not in love with you anymore OR it is a direct response from the betrayal she feels. There are really good filters you can also use to keep you on the path to recovery. Covenant Eyes is fairly cheap and it sends reports so that whomever you choose to be your accountability partner can see exactly what you are looking at. My husband has had filters on his phone and ipad since 2013 and he has no desire to have them removed at all. Not because he is tempted anymore but because it helps me see that those things arent important anymore.

I offered to put a filter on my phone and computer and have her be the manager of it but she didn't want to do that. I may ask her about it again. Maybe she has changed her mind. I don't know. Thank u for taking to me. I don't have any urges to look anymore and I am willing to do anything and everything to prove it to her. If something comes in my head I immediately start praying and talking to God to take the image or thought out of my head. Thank you again.

Perhaps at the time you offered that to your wife she wasnt willing to hear it. Can i ask if she left after she caught you?

No she didn't catch me. She has known that I have issues with it. I guess she finally felt lonely and unloved and unwanted. I wish she would have communicated with me and threaten me of leaving instead of just leaving. I am doing so well and each day is easier. I just want to show and prove to her that I am a new better man. I miss her so much. She is the only thing person that important to me anymore.

Sadly that is the fallout of this addiction. The addict uses more and more forgetting that they have a real life outside of the acting out, isolating and rejecting their spouse. The spouse feels more and more mistreated, lonely and betrayed. If the spouse confronts the addict they will make excuses, or promises, and sometimes even place blame. Society tells men that porn is normal, masturbation is necessary. Have you asked your wife to perhaps try marriage therapy?

I completely agree with you that is exactly how I was looking at it. I was thinking all guys look at porn it is ok. I am not actually cheating on her. It is only effecting me. All of them statements are wrong. I realize how selfish I was and how lonely unloved unwanted unattractive I made her feel. One of the pastors we saw didn't recommend therapy yet. He said that I needed to get fixed first. I am 54 days without looking at anything or any incidents. I don't even have any desire to look at that stuff. I just want to picture my wife and see my wife and that is all. I am trying to show her I am a changed person. I have seen her like 4 times in 7 weeks. We talk about everyday. I am doing everything I can think of that show and prove to her I am a changed person. Do u have any hep on ways that I can do more for her to make her believe I changed my ways and that Jeff is never coming back.

Here is the thing you cant make her believe anything...she is hurt, feels betrayed, and is even cheated on as you turned to porn for a release. All you can do at this point is stay sober, in recovery, and tell her exactly what you are doing to stay away from porn. Honesty is the best way to live a pure life. Regardless if she ever comes back you still need to stay in recovery, reverting back to porn will cause harm to the relationship with others as well.

I agree. I am going to beat this disease. First and foremost I am doing this for me and my soul. Next I am doing it for God cause he sent his son to pay the ultimate sacrifice and I need to be more like Him and less like me. Third I am doing it for my wife and to be pure for her. I never want to make her feel that way again. I am so ashamed and mad at myself for making her feel that way in the first place. I have made it 60 days with no urges or incidents. I am going to keep on going by the grace of God.

60 days is great...just remember that this addiction is strong and crafty..as you get stronger in your recovery it also gets a stronger pull and will easily try to pull you back in...IF your wife doesnt return and that is infact the end of your marriage addiction will tell you that "watch porn you arent married anymore" so be mindful of that.

I am definitely being aware of everything. I am constantly in the word of God and praying to him to keep the demons away. I am more then ever to defeat this addiction this time so I can be healed and a better person. Thank u for taking time to talk to me and giving me great advice.