Don't know what to do anymore. Everytime I try to stop, it feels like there is another person inside that grabs the wheel and yanks me back towards pornography even harder. Looking at shit I don't even like, just to make myself feel even worse. The strange part is 99% of what I look at, I would never enjoy in my own real life. It's almost like I feel like I deserve to fail. To be acknowledged as the failure I am in my own life and this is just a part of it. I almost feel like I should probably just end it all because the people in my life deserve to be away from me. I often feel like I don't deserve the love my family gives me, which is probably true at this point. I feel my wife deserves a real man and my son deserves a better father. I am almost positive that at this point, just dissapearing off the grid is the right answer. That way my wife can truly receive the love she needs that I am not capable of giving and my son can receive the lessons of how to be a real man from someone who truly knows how to be that. I am going to keep trying to stop but I have pretty much hit a breaking point.