You are welcome here. It’s good to be reaching out. I’ve got a bunch of questions. Do you have any idea how long he’s been addicted? The longer you do it, the harder It is to stop. Has he indicated to you that he wants to stop? Did he ask for help? When he confessed did you get the sense he feels guilt or remorse? I’m just trying to figure out what he’s thinking. It’s hard to get an addict to stop when they don’t want to. Did you tell him your feelings and emotions? Was he empathetic?

If he wants help he can give you access to his computer and devices. That starts accountability. It provides some motivation for him to stay clean. You can set rules about where the devices will stay in your house. No computer in the bedroom at night. If he wants help it wouldn’t be a bad idea for him to find other men to talk to. Being with and hearing from guys going through the same thing is healing. There are groups at churches and there may be a sex addict anonymous meeting in your area. That’s a 12 step program. Some people like that and others are repelled by it. But, if he goes he will get a sponsor that he can reach out to when needed. The sponsor will mentor him.

I guess I would want to know if he wants help. If he wants to stop. If so, will he invite you in to help? Make those devices live in an open space where you can see them. If he is resisting giving up his devices and blowing you off you’ve got a real struggle on your hands. Cross that bridge when it comes.

Oh my! Thank you very much for the welcome and your words. As to whether he wants to quit or not, I'm not sure. He has lived alone for over 20 years with only a few relatively short relationships, so he has probably been watching porn for a long while. I don't know if you are aware of this or not but when a man has had prostate cancer, most are unable to get an erection stable enough for insertion. They are able to "feel" as though they are having an orgasm but it is a dry one. These things don't bother me. We are adults and know how to work around issues like that. The most upsetting thing to me is that I had breast cancer and have had my breasts removed. He can't seem to deal with that. He is obsessed ( maybe that's too strong of a word) with very large breasts. I've told him I would be willing to have an implant surgery but he's hesitant about spending that much money. Did he appear guilty or embarrassed about his addiction? I spend two weeks a month with him. He always stays up later than I. After he told me this I noticed that he did not go to his computer before coming to bed for my remaining stay. Did he know that I was hurt? I'm fairly certain he did, the conversation turned silent for a long while. I don't know if he understands just how devastated I am or not. When I go back this month I will approach him with seeking someone to talk to. Thank you very much.

The problem with porn addiction isn't so much just the porn itself but can also tie into masturbation. To be blunt and Frank i can only fully orgasm when masturbating with porn or not. I still love actual sex but years of masturbation has ruined regular intercourse in a sense. They say that it can dull the sensitivity in the head of the penis and i always thought that was ridiculous but I'm a believer now. Maybe he wasn't trying to be mean or rude and it isn't anything you are doing or not. He might just have the same issue that i do. I wish you the best

It may be that this has been going on many years. He may have issues with confidence and self esteem and is possibly in a depression. Those things aren’t unreasonable to assume given a possible long history with this. This may be your starting point. Many things to care for. I will pray for both of you. I hope he will work with you and he begins to renew his mind. Come here and vent or whatever you need.