There is nothing wrong with having him move out for awhile, that would give you some peace of mind, hopefully. If he wants to get sexually sober then the alone time may help him.
Plus the time would probably help you as well.

But, I am not a psychologist.

No one can really tell you if you should stay or go. You have every right to either though. If these thoughts and fantasies are about children I would say there is no way he should be there, and never left alone with your kids. He needs more then just some therapy. If those fantasies are about kids he could very easily slip from sex addict to sex offender. There is a huge difference. Most sex addicts do not cross that line but if the fantasies are already about children the risk is high. I think he needs intensive inpatient therapy and a rehab facility. You have to do whatever it takes to protect your kids as well as yourself. Him not being in the house or alone with the kids until you talk to someone professional and he gets alot of help is the safest. My heart goes out to you.

There's no question that children must be protected first and maybe that means removing him from the house temporarily. If there's any evidence that that is going on then that is absolutely intolerable. However, make sure you have solid evidence first, before doing anything drastic. Even the accusation of such things can be devastating for a person's life.

A CSAT specialist can help and are trained in therapy for this disease. Many are also trauma specialists. Keep your kids safe.

There has never even been a speculation that he would touch our children. He's a great father but I am just so scared. Having been molested by a family member when I was younger makes me that more protective of them. He isn't in the house and I haven't let him see them. His fantasy isn't about children but im just scared they may turn into them with him being a sex addict. Thank you all for the responses.

Well if the fantasy is about adults, consenting adults that is relief. If it is consenting adults maybe you can help him.

Okay I guess your first comment made it sound like those fantasies were about kids..phew...from my experience there is a very very small percentage of sex addicts that become offenders. I understand the concern though. After I was given disclosure that was the first question I asked as well..had he ever watched child porn, talked to anyone online under 18 and the very first question I asked on the polygraph.

I would get counseling. I do not think it is just happenstance that you married a porn addict and you were molested as a child.

From the perspective of a sex addict myself, I struggled with pornography and phone sex and the internet. I kept it secret from everyone in my life. When I met my wife, I would reveal a little at a time to test the waters. When I came across resistance from her, I just stopped being honest with her. I kept up the behaviors and just hid them. That is a really big problem of mine, especially when I was in active addiction.

One thing that I learned from many therapists is that human behavior in trauma is absolutely not logical. Also trauma comes in many different forms. When there is a point of significant trauma, our development is arrested at that age. I experienced trauma when I was 11. This was also when I found porn. These contributed to my addiction. When I am triggered or angry, tired, etc. I can regress to my inner 11 year old. People who are addicts or are partners of addicts often are exposed to those behaviors in their family of origin. It's really difficult to examine that and work through it. My wife and I had difficult pasts and we both bring our baggage into our current relationship, so it took us both to be willing to work on ourselves and on our relationship for it to work.

I have come across partners in my support groups who have found out about their partner's compulsive inappropriate sexual thinking and behaviours and have insisted they attend a twelve step group before considering whether to allow them back into the marital home.

Chocolate... he is doing this. He's done it before but I think he needs to dig deeper this time

He would benefit from intensive therapy and an inpatient treatment facility. In the early stages he may do everything you ask of him out of fear of losing you but not really because he is ready for recovery. Recovery is just that recovery, no relapses, firm boundaries and consequences.

I feel your pain and torment and confusion. My spouse started with internet porn. At least that's all he admitted to. I didn't know till after we got married. As years went by it was adult sex hook up sites and video sex with strangers, calling them on phone while he was working and having phone sex and masterbating in bathroom while working
Eventually I learned the whole truth the hookers, the lies the gaslighting me saying he wouldn't do these things if I didn't cause him to, or if I was more intamite with him.
I' have some health conditions and physical disabilities I've been trying to cope with and accept. It's hard enough trying to cope with your body not behaving like it always had.
I've been supportive and did everything I could think of to help him get help and work on repairing the damage.
But same thing always happens.. he does what he thinks will shut me up or make me happy for awhile and as soon as he thinks I'm off his back the cycle repeats. I hear the same words " this time is different, I won't let you leave I'll do whatever I can because I love you. Constantly announcing each little sobriety milestone or accomplishment he thinks will satisfy me. But it just pisses me off more
He gets insulted if I don't tell him I noticed how much work he put in ( for a few days) as time passes I just feel numb inside I don't believe him and if he really cared he would have saw the torture and traumatic results that I had to cope with first time
When you love someone I could imagine knowing I caused them unimaginable pain and doing it again

I feel that he just gets better at keeping his addiction from me. Porn is more important than me. He will do anything, say anything to keep using. I am numb. I am the one in torment.

Enough thank you for that response. It makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only wife out there that doesn't seem to be good enough for their husband.

Update. He is seeing a psychiatrist and has started therapy. We shall see how it goes.

Skyler hang in there. He has to want to change or at least that is what I'm learning. It's really such a messed up addiction.