sounds like a sex addiction to me...you are confusing sex with love...thinking that if you arent having sex your partner doesnt love you. you need to discover the difference between sex and sex with intimacy...

I actually feel I do know that, I am a very passionate person, always touching, hands moving, neck and shoulder and related kissing, warming up and pets, from foot rubs to bath drawing, where I always felt I lacked was I never felt this time coming after me like I was wanted, almost like I put all the feelings I know of into the sex that I would want back and don't see come for me and make me feel wanted, then I drowned it in sex with another and cheated making the worse mistake to date, only then did I realize that it wasn't the sex I wanted, but more passion, more touches, more cuddles, sounds pitiful to me but I am telling the truth, I wanted someone to grab for my hand, to hang on me, to plan a romantic night for me and surprise me, to have it set up that the kids are taken care of and want time with me at length, at first, I thought this should just come to me, then I learned to work for it, to be attractive to my partner, to do little things all the time, dishes, cleaning, post it notes with sweet I love yous and you are beautiful in them, lighting candles, warm bath, clean towels and some tea to go lounge and relax, wanting to just feel wanted and attractive to the person I love, not saying I did things perfect, and may never, but I am molding and shaping, when I have that closeness, I have been learning to wait for it and be patient as I run it off and always have, I have wanted my wife all my marriage, and at times when seeing another female attracted to me, just never feel this emotion from the one person I want it from, see I love everything about her, she is beautiful to me, her hands, feet, legs, skin, eyes, ears, mouth, voice all of her calls me, so when she is with me, I almost feem over it, as I know the time will end, not that it won't return, but then I drive it away, I can be with her 5 - 7 times a day and it isn't enough, can go over an hour each time average, and then have the urge to always be next to her naked this way, I don't feem or just want women, I want her, and somehow never get exactly what I want her to give me, rapped up with me and not letting "me" go versus running off after, I feel like a pathetic person wanting just what I consider affection, you see I could be good with falling asleep on the couch holding her and her me, only this has never happened, to publicly show me affection in front of friends, I know I am needy, but, after so many years, I feel as though I will explode, and I have tried to substitute the close feeling I want with more and more sex, even away from my wife, and that is shameful, I am honest though, and I don't want sex to rule me or fool me this way, as I know it isn't the root of what I want and need, sex with intimacy or passion I have for her, I just feel no want in many ways, yes the affair is a huge reason, but it was even before the affair I felt this way, thinking I could just get this from another, and the want from them was there, but, I love my wife, I could never leave her, and can't seem to be happy either as never feel I get what I need.

well the affair didnt help matters...maybe its just marriage counselling that you need, maybe she pulls away from you emotionally for fear of being hurt again...

you listed what you feel you need in your marriage, have you told her that?

Oh it is the affair, and also the feeling of me controlling, she is a recovering co dependent, and sometimes that looks like she is trying to separate from me, when really it is her just being a person honestly, just has been something I am learning to accept in her and me also.

We are in separate and marriage therapy, and as long as my childlike tendencies stay in me, I just detailed this in the anxiety group, then honestly things go well for me, as far as telling her, it isn't a thing I can tell her, she has the feeling she has done all she can do and I have done little in the entire marriage, honestly, not bashing her, and that I would only be focusing on myself if those subjects come up, small pieces have started to trickle back, but honestly is when I am able to separate controlling thoughts, who she talks to, what she posts, childish things I am working on getting rid of, some of this comes from a religious background that has been abandoned, some just from feeling independent and me equaling that to mean she wants another when in fact it is just her being a person.

Is many curves for my brain all at once, I drowned the unknowing in well I need sex and contact and not mixing in the human experience of 2 bonding and it not always being sexual, sex being a great thing and important, but so many more aspects to the relationship I ignored, I take responsibility, I had the affair, it was me and I regret every bit of it, I also know why I did it, and the false reasoning and reality that I lived in versus working on myself back then and correcting my part and she would have been all that I felt I needed.

Don't get me wrong, we are leaps and bounds from almost divorcing a year ago, but the jealousy in me, the control, while I have it more under raps than I did, I am desperate to get it out of my life for my own sanity, the things I have been and did I have to remind myself everyone isn't this way, and doesn't think and do devious things, some do, but I can't assume all do, and I have no reason to distrust her, so I don't want to drive her away with these things, hope that makes sense, I am brutally honest and make no excuses about being this way, only know the pain to continue changing me, and I wish I could speed it along.

She is afraid of me hurting her, and doesn't trust me, and I know those are huge things and take time, it is hard to calm sometimes when all I want is this person, everything about her calls me, I can see pieces of other women that are attractive, but she is everything, to just imagine, to live old and gray, and to have the fingertip of her touch me and send electricity through me, this is how I love her, it is real, and forever love, and in love, just very sad on my part, I tried to leave her, I tried to no love her, and I can't, I know where my heart is and this is a painful feeling to know what I did to her.

sounds like you love her...but you need to be patient with her, you betrayed her, that takes a lot of hardwork and time to heal from, i know as a spouse of a sex addict the betrayal is life changing, i have been traumatized, and actually experience PTSD symptoms....
you need to be gentle with her and stop focusing on the outlet of sex for intimacy.
You stated in your first post on this thread that you have sex and still feel the need to release yourself, this is an issue that you need to work on too

I agree, I have never equaled a relationship based on anything but sex, and am changing that, it certainly is an issue, I have been working on it honestly, and have made strides, all the relationship emotions and emotions I have personally to work on are overwhelming at times, sex became such a reset emotion to get me happy and feel worth again.

I know it takes time for her, and I know like most males I am impatient, but I am learning to battle through my own feelings especially when they are and have been self serving, I want to have a healthier adulthood than I have as I feel childish in thoughts and deeds for the most part, correcting these things takes time and pain on my part as I have to re route how I think, it hasn't been easy and I know it won't be, I have nobody to talk to, and especially want to talk to females nowadays in the good ways not like I used to as I get insight into a woman's mind, I also know at times I have to check myself, as I know what I did in the past, and I know the dangers in that also, I am trustworthy now, but I realize she will have to see that, she will see it over time and proof, and I do want that day to come when I truly feel at ease in the right ways and that she loves me, I know she does now, but like she has said to me, not as much as she used to, I understand she is hurt and sympathize and give her space, all the while trying to to fall into protection mode waiting to be hurt because I do love her, I want these things to pass from me as I am weary and have wanted to pass rather than face it but only I work, and take care of us all, for over 26 years.

I do pray and hope to wake up to a new feeling everyday, to make strides not to ash out in jealousy or anxiousness and just to let life flow in good ways.

I appreciate your insight more than you know.