Hi all,

I'm relatively recently married and have taken on wonderful stepchildren. I promised my wife that I wouldn't look at porn, knowing that she had reservations with it, but admittedly not recognizing how her past shaped her views on porn. I should have been a better listener. When she recently asked if I had looked at porn, I told her that I had. I did it knowing I was breaking that promise I had made.  She was devastated, which made me more ashamed at myself than I already was. I'm committed to identifying the triggers for my use (it had been years), finding better coping mechanisms when those triggers occur, and being held accountable for my behavior. I'm saddened by my actions, and scared for the future, but hopeful that the journey will be valuable.

While my wife may decide to leave me, it's still important for me to heal myself not just from the porn usage, but from the deception endured by those that will remain in my life. I'm looking to this forum to find folks that will hold me accountable, both for eliminating the porn from my life, and for being truthful to everyone. I can imagine no greater emotional trauma to inflict on a loved one than breaking their trust.

I'm also here to help anyone else that may need it.