Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
Is it possible that I could just outgrow addiction? Say for example if the driving forces for the addiction were not abuse. Say that the driving force was escaping the idea that I were not good enough. Then I gained a reasonable self image and also learned how to handle life situations properly. That would give me something to be proud about. Would porn just go away out of sheer lack of need once I acheived self respect through a higher way of living?
However, you are male. Males are turned on by imagery. Life will also get hard a times, just like it does for everyone else, and you may want to escape or relieve that stress in a way that you know very well, your addiction.
And your brain will never rewire itself completely. It turns off the addiction circuits but they don't go away. The instant you feed the addiction again it polishes them off and you'll be flow blown addicted pretty quickly. As an ex smoker, I can tell you that it only takes one or two cigarettes to fully re-addict me.
So yes, if you address the sources of your addiction effectively and stay on top of them, and go through the withdrawal, you can reach a state of where you don't think of it more often than any other person. However, you will have cravings, and don't forget, you are male, you are programmed by evolution to desire sex, and sexual imagery. So it will never be gone COMPLETELY.
Not to sound discouraging, but my sexual addiction started when I was 6 years old, I lived with a demanding, bullying father and made horrible relationship decisions throughout my life. I'm 41 years old now, and my addiction hasn't faded, in fact if anything it has simply escalated to new things, instead of compulsive masturbation to porn, now I'm seeking out and having affairs. My self esteem was definitely an issue, because I worked with my father for 12 years, but I left about 9 years ago and my self esteem shot through the roof. So, in my case I don't think I'll ever outgrow my addiction. Not that it isn't possible, but I think you need to work at it to rise above it. It just doesn't happen...remember, it works if you work it.
. but, soon or later , life stressors may hit you again, You may experience a low phase of your life, once that happens the addiction will fasten its grip again. and you'll find yourself resorting to your addiction to provide you with that temporary relief.
there is a common belief in sexual recovery is that the major first step in recovery from sex addiction is to admit that you are powerless over addiction.that means you need outside help. No, you can't do alone. you can't outgrow it but you can recover from it if you make serious efforts and make healing from sex addiction as your priority.
I suggest you start reading the sex addiction literature. Patrick Carnes books will help you understand the workings of the sex addict's brain and alot about the mechanism about the sexual addictive cycle. his bookks did help me lot to understand my addiction. if going to a sex therapist is an option, that will a good thing too..
Joining 12 step program is a must for every body wanting to recover from sex addiction. it gets you out of isolation as you share and lean from others who are battling the same problems you have. it also provides ongoing support and affirmation and encouragement. sex therapists themselves recommend 12 step.
if you can't go to face meetings, you can that do that on the phone or online.
http://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/ElectronicMeetings
I hope this helps! Good luck to you !
Rather than be depressed by that thought just be aware. Recovery is something to celebrate - it is a gift.
I am amazed at your responses. They were meaningful and I appreciated them. I have been at places in my life where I didn't even feel the need for porn and thought I never would again. Then like you guys said, hard times hit, and where do I go? So even if I did become successful (as I define for myself) I know that I would probably just be in a better position to fall. With recovery, it's like that commitment, to keep walking through all kinds of weather, good and bad.
I know what I need to do. I have a terrible time staying focused, but I am going give recovery nation serious try. I did start up with it but then got to one of those "I got This!" attitudes and left it. Sometimes I delude myself into thinking that I am not addicted, that I am just immature.. maybe I am, But what If I mature and allow myself to continue using porn, I don't think that would be good.. better if I start recovering now.. I am kind of afraid of beign defined by a recovery program though... ( as if that would take something away from me).. my inner voice tells me that is a pretty silly fear.
You said, "I am kind of afraid of beign defined by a recovery program though." As Bortorun said, nothing but you defines you, you do.
But I will say that while recovery does not define YOU per se, it does define how you will live your life after the recovery. I'd rather think of it as refining your life, that is perfecting and building a better life for yourself, using the tools they are giving you now to use in your sober life, so you will not need an outside source to deal with that comes to you in life.
Furthermore, I will second what's been said about never outgrowing an addiction but I will add that perhaps outgrowing it is not the proper approach to it, I'd rather see it as simply moving away from it and choosing a better life for yourself.
I have said this many times yet I will repeat it, in my case, I simply lost interest in it, it no longer urges me to do anything about it, even now and then the urge comes and for a nano second I entertain it, so hence why I stress that after recovery and sobriety, we need to be vigilant, just the same.
It makes sense because porn has weaved itself into just about every part of your life that it is very difficult to totally erase it since sex is after all a natural and primal urge. Ask me again in 5 years and I will be able to tell you if it is possible to totally erase it.
Wolf