I recently learned that behaviors that I engage in are in line with a pornography/sex addiction. At first I internally justified my actions, but a recent event that hurt a loved one had me look at how my ponography viewing is not "casual." I had wrestled with the idea that it may be a problem for years, but have seen the compulsion come and go. I first noticed lack of control shortly after college, when I really began watching porn daily (or sometimes more than once per day). I told myself that it was normal and a lot of people used it to go to sleep and I wasn't so different. Eventually, I started working out more regularly and joined an inturmural sports team and my habits subsided for awhile. Fast forward a few years and its back. Once again, I noticed that I was watching a lot more, but told myself it wasn't anything abnormal.

I am currently in a serious relationship, we live together and have been dating for over a year. I noticed my "habit" coming back before I began dating my girlfriend and thought the compulsion would go away but I was wrong. I found myself forgoing sleep; waiting for my partner to leave for work so I could be alone and watch porn. I found myself not concentrating on work; now that I work from home sometimes, and my partner never does, I would watch at least once a day (usually more). Sometimes she would go to sleep before me and I would feign that I wasn't tired and watch more porn. I'd like to point out our sex life is not lacking, we are intimate three to five times a week I would estimate.

I know this is long but I have a lot to vent and this is certainly not all of it. I haven't even mentioned how I hurt my girlfriend. However, I will end on this note: I had abstained from porn for 10 days before caving in. It is the longest I can recall going in years. I had never "counted" how long I had gone, but never more than 3-4 days max. I was proud of going so long and ashamed that I had caved. I would like to get into my addiction a bit more on another post, this is already too long.