My fiancé is a porn addict and has been incarcerated for the next 10 - 30 years related to his addiction. I am still in this relationship. I remind myself I do not have enough power to make him do things the way I think they should be done. I try to focus on what I need to do to heal. I attend Al-Anon meetings (for friends and families of alcoholics). I see a therapist. I share with others. I am always honest with him by saying what I mean while not saying it mean. I pray for guidance all the time.

thank you for your response. Some days I can ignore it and other days I feel like my life is slipping by and I may be missing out on a relationship that could be more supportive. It gets pretty lonely at times. There are many days I feel like I am with a ghost/shell of a person, he seems so checked out and not present. I think that may be part of the addiction.

Only you will know when you have had enough. The biggest thing you need to understand is that your partners addiction has nothing to do with you. The first thing you have to do for yourself is set very concrete boundaries and consequences. Is your partner still watching porn? Do whatever it takes for you to feel safe within the relationship. You have to be very careful because addicts while acting out our very manipulative. Are you co-dependent or enabling him? That isnt putting any blame on you but if you know that he is acting out and not doing what you need to do for you you may be sending him messages that you are okay with it. (even though i know darn well you arent)
Honestly evaluate your relationship and think is this something you can put up with? What is your partner doing to work on his recovery?

Hi candycin,
Would i be a enabler if I have been in the relationship for over 20 years? He has gone thru treatment so many times, always going back to it. My kids will be grown and out of the house this fall, I don't think I can handle staying if they are not around. My partner is so dang empty, seems so with drawn. My kids keep me company and are enjoyable to be around; when they are at college, it will just be me and the dog!! He works so dang much, he leaves at 6am and gets home after 8 or 9 nearly every day. When he does get home he goes into the office and is on his computer; saying he is doing work..... We had a discussion about how i am feeling. It seems he listens, rarely comments, just says he is in a program and has quit. But, he still acts the same; checked out. I doubt an addict of 45 years can just quit in three weeks. I think my fear of divorce may be keeping me here. The thought of fighting in court is not something i want to do. i also worry what divorce will do to my kids. My parents divorced when i was an adult. it is difficult for me at times. but, i guess it is time to worry about my happiness.....

Being an enabler would be someone that knows what is going on and turns a blind eye to it. You have told him how his addiction is making you feel and he has decided to keep using the drug. (believe me it is a drug to him) Gone through treatment? How? treatment for sex/porn addiction takes years not a quick treatment. Heck yes it is time to worry about your happiness, being in a relationship with an addict of any addiction takes a toll on your heart and causes great trauma often the same symptoms as PTSD. Your fear of divorce may be keeping you there but what are you getting from staying?