I am a narcissist and I am coming to learn that p is the poison of choice for many narcissists. Empathy is usually lacking in us, and using p specifically reduces our emotional capacity further. My poor wife has had to put up with a selfish, moody, slug of a husband for nearly 10 years. I think that it is great you are tapping into some of the underlying veins that make you who you are, vs simply looking at yourself as a consequence of your addiction. Bravo!

Jim,

The revelation is showing you what happens after years of addiction which are: instant gratification, objectification and dehumanization of partners. Little else, that you are choosing this an opportunity to further put yourself down in the worst possible way, that's another story.

The behaviors are alarming, that is true but they should only be seen as a marker that tells you how far your addiction has taken you and not as way to feel worse than you already do. Enough said on the subject.

Now, how do you step away from such ghastly behaviors and mindset? By continuing to recover and rebooting your mind. It took me quite a while to reset my brain so that would no longer happen. How long? My answer always is: It will take as long as it takes. I know that is not an actual time frame but everyone is different.

The longer you stay away from anything salacious, the better chances your brain will have to learn and act human again, instead of a ghastly and pathetic pavlovian dog. \

Last but not least, using quantifiers such as: most f..d up will not help you in the least. So it would be best if you simply took the information given to you henceforth and sought ways to rectify it, instead of judging yourself and feel awful, as a result. No one has ever healed from any condition by judging themselves harshly. I know it's a knee jerk reaction but those too can be stopped.

Also, it would be in your best interest to stop using foul words, the reason being that in addition to simply being atrocious, they also serve to keep you enslaved to negative behavior because they keep the negativity going.

Wolf (4 and half years sober)

The truth will set you free. But I really think it is the truth about ourselves that has the power to free us don't you. Yes it sucks that it is what it is but being brave enough to face it means you can be free of it. As a wife of an addict I've seen my husband go through similar revelations about his behavior and possibly the hardest thing for my husband to do is to love himself (imho). I cannot help but feel extremely proud of all of you men here who actually are wanting to change. Well done.

First of all let me apologize for the bad language. I think just being brought to the realization of depths of my sickness was a little too much, I've been thinking about my ex-wife and what it must have been like for her living with a man you never truly knew our 20yr marriage was basically me building my business and having sex and i realize i looked at her like the others "like an object". She must have felt worthless, i treated my ex-wife as if she was a whore and don't think i could ever make amends for that.

Ahhh then healing is happening you are having empathetic feelings that you have never had before!!! Painful yes but good none the less. Recognize that you are uncovering a valuable asset "empathy" it will serve you well moving forward.

I would say in twelve step programs there is a step ohhh someone here will know but down the road where you make amends to those you've harmed sometimes it is sending a letter or making a call and if that would bring more harm a letter unsent. Perhaps down the road that will be dealt with but for now focus on the wonderful new thing that is happening to you. Your mind is being renewed. Be aware of shame it is part of the addiction. Guilt and remorse can be good a signal to change. You have guilt over your actions your getting the signal now to change and you are. Guilt is about the behavior, shame is about you I am bad. The I am bad can keep you stuck. Find some things you like about yourself and as you move along you will discover more and increase more. Keep at it a harvest will be coming your way!!!

Realization of reality is the "only" way to change. How can anyone ever change anything unless new information and thoughts are introduced. The pain of reality is a gift!