Try reading the book every mans battle. I bought on Amazon

Greetings my friend, I love the fact you want control over anything you feel is controlling you, I believe in the power of language and words, you mentioned You Been Battling and I find those words very telling and interesting, To Battle or Struggle with something is to deem it as Bad, my question to you is from what you can remember what were you going through the first time you believe self pleasure was something you couldn't stop doing? I mean boys do it all the time because it is pleasurable so did someone tell you in your youth This Is Wrong or do you find you are self pleasuring at inappropriate times possibly putting yourself and what's important to you at risk? Are you seeking thrills by exposing yourself publicly? Are you masterbating to avoid conflict or making a difficult decision? Are you sexual unsatisfied and useing it to compensate what you feel you're not getting in your relationship? Perhaps those questions can assist in seeing something different, You aren't broken ( at least not anymore than the most of us) It isn't a sin, you don't need to feel guilty but everything has a time and place so excessive behavior of any kind is something to be mindful of. Honor your body and treat yourself well , you are Worthy of goodness and pleasure but it isn't to take control over your life, unless you are masterbating to something you feel is embarrassing or shameful just merely jerkin off is totally natural, Excessive Compulsion is something you should speak with a professional with. I Pray you Happiness, Joy, Peace, Self Love, Control and Strength in all areas of your life.

I'm in the same boat man, been doing it since I was a teenager. I use to give myself grief about for religious reasons. But, eventually I used it as a way to cope with hard feelings. I started to do it an insane amount and felt drained of energy everyday. It can make you feel more apathetic than anything. But, I deleted my social medias to mitigate any form of temptation. It definitely a struggle, but trust me, it will get better. You can't let the weight of the grief pull you down, always bounce back and a good way to avoid doing it is to stay active as much as possible.