sorry to hear that this addiction has caused you and your wife so much heartache. It really is such a toxic addiction. Do you see a certified Sex Addiction therapist? That would be my first suggestion. Attending SAA or SA meetings is also a good path of recovery. Talking with other other recovering addicts, getting a sponsor and a list of people that you can contact when you are struggling is a huge support. My husband is soon 4 years sober from his addiction..it took much work, dedication and support but he has changed so much and is a much happier, calm, empathetic person without sex clouding his life.

Congratulations to your husband. I'm sure life has given him new meaning after four years of work.
Before your husband made a change, what were his characteristics?

You know, the main reason I made this account was to have some people to talk to about my addiction. I do not see a therapist or attend meetings however I now plan to look into the different options I can take to find more support. Thank you.

Oh boy i could write all day about his character defaults. He was very moody, i mean extremely moody...would get angry quickly, no patience, always seemed distant, no empathy, acted like he deserved more in life than he had. Now knowing that he was battling his sex addiction i can look back and timeline those extreme moods to times when he was binging (in all the ways he was acting out sexually) or purging(trying to stop it because of the shame and guilt) He would get uncalled for annoyed with people including me and our young children at the time...he will now say those were times when he felt like we were interfering with his time to act out. When i caught my husband it was the first eye opener for him...he white knuckled sobriety for 18 months, but continued to lie to me daily, as well as to his therapist. He finally came clean to it all, went to inpatient rehab for 3 weeks and has been sober and in recovery. If you arent comfortable with in person meetings try a telemeeting...

My husband is so much happier with life in general now. He is a better husband, dad and his job is flourishing...the program of recovery tells you that you will be blessed and it is very true. There are a few really good books that i would suggest. If you want i could send you a few suggestions. You said you for your wifes sanity, does she know ?

Wow I don't think I could relate more. Yes she knows. She is actually the one who insisted I join a forum. I would love for your recommendations.

Hi. For my own part, I desired to change, but I am an addict to such a degree that more than an decade of attempts to stop didn't work. I wanted to quit for years, and I tried, but I just got worse and worse.

I tried therapy, online forums, online support groups, prayer, medication, promise, filters, accountability partners, journaling, changing my schedule, meditation, SAA meetings, exercise, hobbies...... The list goes on and on.

The only thing that has successfully helped me has been doing the 12 steps (not just going to meetings). The 12 steps have a lot to do with God and a higher power, which really put me off, but I ended up finding out that all of my human-based attempts at quitting failed.

Anyway, the 12th step is about passing along the message.....I'd be happy to help.

The first book would be the green book used at 12 step meetings.
Out of the Shadows written by Patrick Carnes
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse written by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means ( This is a book written to support spouses so you your wife would really benefit from reading this but i suggest you read it as well at some point in your recovery as it will help give some insight to what she is dealing with and help you support her recovery as well)

Worthy Of Her Trust written by Jason B. Martinkus and Steve Arterburn ...this book is wonderful...there is a Christian undertone to it but i can tell you that every addict that my husband has leant this book to was amazed at the insight. I read it as well and wow it was so helpful to me as well.

I do agree with Ralph about 12 step my husband also tried to do it all on his own for years, then again after i caught him and he continued to have relapses,,,it wasnt until he started 12 step meetings and working through the steps that he was successful...no relapse..no slips ....

ralphflrecovery: Thank you for sharing. I have gotten to a point where I can be telling myself I do not want to go through with my thoughts and telling myself how to resist but I end up just giving in. It's as if I have no control. yes I am definitely interested in learning more about the 12 steps.

Candycin: That's a great list of books. I'm going to relay your sexually addicted spouse to my wife for the both of us and also find the others. and I do agree. I believe if I have a structured way of approaching my thought process then maybe I can find much more control over it.

yes please pass the book suggestions on to your wife...her recovery is just as important and the more open and honest you are with sharing your recovery the stronger you will both become as individuals and as a couple. SO many addicts try to recover alone from their spouses out of shame/guilt/fear and they tend to be the same ones that cant remain sober for too long. Sex addiction is such an isolation addiction but recovery shouldnt be. Use everything available to you and you will be successful...therapy, meetings, sponsor, 12 step, books, prayer, and your wife too.
Just remember as you get farther and farther away from whatever acting out it will get easier and easier if you use every tool you can. The very beginning is the hardest but the rewards in your life with be massive in return..the program gives that promise.

Thank you. Today I have been 16 days without any type of pornography.

congrats ...full recovery is possible and relapse doesnt have to be part of it.. take it day by day...you can do this!!!