Hello, I am new to this group and hesitant to share my story. I am 68 years old, had a successful career, married, 3 grown kids all in their 40s and 16 grandchildren with one great grand child. Seems I have everything any one could want and I have screwed it up because I discovered I have an internet porn addiction. Before last Saturday I would not have said I had this addiction, but after my secret world was discovered by family and I researched this subject a bit, I discovered I indeed had the addiction.

This addiction confines itself to online porn and recently for the first time Instagram, Snapshat, and onlyfans.com exchanges with porn models roll playing games, where money and gifts were sent. No real life contact has ever occurred, but regardless the cheating on my wife is the same as if it had been in real life. I know this now. My online porn addiction probably started 20 years ago. Being very computer literate I was able to hide it for a very long time. One of the signs of addiction is the secret life I had.

So, I have seen a therapist already, she had me read three books, which I accomplished in 3 days, the last being the most spot on one titled: In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior by Patrick Carnes PhD, David L. Delmonico, Elizabeth Griffin

This book discusses the 12 Step process for this, which I have told my therapist I would be willing to do. I have installed an effective porn blocker on my PC and Phone, that I can not remove.

It has only been one week since this exploded on my family. No word from them on future forgiveness, regardless of my addiction admission, and apology taking full responsibility for my actions with no excuses. I realize one week isn’t very long for them to get over their anger, so I bide my time praying my repentant path will be enough to bring forgiveness.

I told my therapist of my being abandoned by my family due to this addiction and she suggested an online support group, hence why I am here.

I guess what I would love to hear from someone is a happy ending. Someone who has lived through my humiliating, shameful experience, almost lost their family, yet survived the ordeal emerging on the other side a changed person with family intact.

Thanks for your ear

Rick