That is a quote from the SAA literature, and it describes a rock bottom point some sex and pornography addicts come to accept they've become before they turn the corner and start working on a better life.  

I can say I am more miserable than I want to be.  I can say that I am not as miserable as I could be due to working on my recovery from alcoholism and still being willing to no longer look at porn, even if that has a weak protocol attached to it.  

I give 100 percent in my recovery from alcohol, and the results have been stunning.  I do not give 100 percent with the recovery from sexual addiction, which I believe to encompass the pornography addiction as well.  I was listening to the reboot nation guy and he was declaring porn addiction not sexual addiction.  His reasoning was porn addiction was more internet addiction than sex addiction, and he refered the playing a football video game.  He said if a person is playing a football game, does that person know how to play football or is that person addicted to football?  Then he went on to say no, that person is addicted to the thing the video game is on, the internet or the game consol.  One major difference is the physical act of masturbating while looking at porn, which is a sexual act, of the most selfish level, and with the football game, there is no action of playing a sport going on, so I disagree that porn addiction is not sexual addiction, if I am stroking myself, chemically my brain is thinking I am having sex, so although a manipulation of proper sex, it is still sex physically, so porn addiction in this recovery path, is sex addiction.  

I don't need the internet to masturbate to my imagination, and my imagination has been planted from images within the porn production database of the world, so I am a compulsive masturbator, before I am a porn addict, but I am keeping an open mind to the porn addiction being seen as an internet addiction as well.  I just didn't like the declaration, something most addicts do when they experience some sort of freedom from the hell they used to go through, they start declaring fact, when it is opinion, and it can lead to people believing wrong information for their specific recovery path.  

I will say if a person is addicted to gaming, or porn, through the internet, it can lead to a miserable, lonely, and nightmarish existence.  I saw a youtube video once, in where Ted Bundy the rapist, serial killer who was put to death decades ago, right before his execution gives a candid interview on how the common thing he shared with everyone else he had met or spoken to on death row is that they were all obsessed with hardcore, violent, and harmful pornography.  Basically Bundy was placing blame on his own bad behavior, to say the least, from not addressing his desire and addiction to "rough sex" pornography.  I myself am addicted to this form of pornography, and it is done in a professional manner, if you have a pornography addiction I'm sure you know the site, but in recent days I've had a strong opposite compulsion to shut the computer off and find something more fulfilling.  The fact that, even if in a business agenda or a choice to have a sex profession earn an income, women who take care of themselves physically and look like Goddesses to most of us guys, subject themselves to being ordered around and dominated, is occuring, really generates inside of me that life might not suck as much as I think it does in terms of women, and my own sexual desires.  

If someone read that and said "this guy is so far behind where maturity would have us all if we did the right things", they are absolutely correct, and I want to refer to the pussy-grabber in cheif, for a second.  I don't want to be 57 still grabbing women without consideration that they don't want to be around guys that still have that alpha agenda where it teaches we own and are the head of all existence.  To me that is a miserable, lonely, and nightmarish existence.  Miserable being, why am I thinking using women and dominating them is a great cure for misery?  That will just lead to the woman being miserable, and it will actually be birthing a contagious cancer that will have started from me.  How is that cool?  That isn't cool.  No woman I want to be around in the future is going to tolerate her pussy being grabbed, and if fact I would (and this is the nightmarish part) advise that type of woman, and all women (grandiosity) to stab or shoot alphas who grab their pussies.  If I were to do that, it would isolate me, it is not right or justice driven to advise women to hurt guys just trying to not be misreable for a few minutes who are sick, and just human, and also at advice would be more of the same alpha domination I am resenting in the first place.  

Miserable, lonely, and nightmarish existence.  I remember I was all three about three or four years ago.  People know about this so I'll be transparent.  I through a combination of being land locked, an alcoholic, a marijuana addict, and obsessively driven to satisfy the urges porn addiction and sexual addiction bring, some how fell into a spell that Taylor Swift was to be my wife, or was in fact my wife from the beginning of time, and this fantasy, or delusion, quickly lead to a downward spiral that I am just now getting over.  The details were bizarre, and I become overly violent because the romantic obsession was persuading me that she was unfaithful and had insatiable qualities too.  The jealousy the romantic obsession produced, because of the envies, the fears, the dishonesty, the fact that is was all a lie the agenda my sexual addiction was producing, very much made me a miserable, lonely, and nightmarish person.  Just a dark, dark, and darker motherfucker, absolutely dark to the core, and thank God I didn't have unliminted resources, or even a singel resource at all, because it certainly would have lead to consequentially negative punishment from a higher power, or just the lower class of society itself.  

I learned from that experience, as painful as it was, to know my own mind would lie to me and not have the balls to laugh about it later, that I was sick, but more so that if not addressed and progressed toward eliminating, the romantic obsession and sexual desparity, would make me a self-loathing, self-pitying, unattractive, impossible to be around, miserable, lonely, nightmare.  I think it is key to understand if the sex addict does not attempt to rid him or herself from the negative obsessions of consequential means, and doesn't build the fortitude and character to withstand the urges, he or she will become a nightmare, for all to see, regardless of any shame, or love, God chooses to bring in the form of mercy.  Kanye West has said publically he struggles with porn, and look at what that guy has become, a hypocritical, not knowing nothing know it all, who nobody would depict was a dream, but all would say is a nightmare to be around.  

I, when not working towards recovering, or staying recovered after the steps, I am Kanye West, without the fame, or the money, or the notoriety to get me out of stupid shit I say or even worse, do.  I think the important thing, since the goal is to be unselfish more and more by the day for us addicts, is that if we can say all who are around us, or even hear our names, do think we are nightmares to be around, and will do things like pay for us to leave, pray for us to leave or go somewhere, and overall just have a worse life experiene with us in the same room as them, we have hit bottom.  

I think it really is that easy as a sex addict.  If al elements of your personality are making your mind persuade you to isolate, or reason like the entire general public believing you are a nightmare to be around, guys like Donald Trump, Kanye West, that closet freak Taylor Swift, you need to change, instead of sulking and asking "why" to a higher power that is giving all others the power to detemine you a nightmare, but not giving you the power to see it for yourself, because of the fact you think there is no problem with others defining you as a nightmare.  

I had to realize cops weren't nice or happy around me because I was a nightmare for them.  I started not utilizing free energy on being a problem for them and what do you know, they smile and actually sometimes obey my nice gestures to them in public!  It is imperative that I look at the serverity of my ambition to be a nightmare for others.  I think a hallmark of immaturity is thinking it virtue to compete, counterpunch, and condemn others, leaving them with the sealed impression burnt into their ideologies that I am a nightmare of great proportions.  

I am a nightmare core wise due to my addictions and impaired mind, due to my own selfishness and ego, however I do not have to continue being a nightmare, starting right now, everytime I ask myself the question, "am I being a nightmare again."  If I am doing works and have an agenda that produces misery, like working 100 hours a week, constantly putting stock into alpha male theoretics, or not checking myself when alpha bully wants to "show off" inside of me, I will be miserable, because beneath the core, is a God source not tangible like a core, but more present than any core ever could be, so that souce can override the core of being a nightmarish, asshole, who hurts people, sometimes to the dark extent of mortal and unforgivable sin.  

It is my responsbility to not be a nightmare for others, even if God has adversly given me the title of "bad guy" or "danger zone" to others around me, psychologically.  God as in the world has an agenda to deaden people like me, which my ego takes huge offense to, creating offenses that cannot be countered, leading to nightmares, after nightmares, after nightmares, depicted and deceptualized as dreams.  

When I really become a nightmare is when I use all my energies to create myself as a dream, a lovely and confident superhero who you've been waiting for.  However, it still doesn't ignore the fact that my own immaturity, by doing an immoral act like painting a picture of myself that fools others, like a hollywood actress, or actors, but in this case outside the legitamate need to earn an income, but more so in a weak attempt to earn a soul or two, that I still am thinking of myself, overriding or overcoming my own imperfections and defects.  

The best way to deal with defects and imperfections are to acknowledge I will always be defective and imperfect in comparison to others and God.  Once I own the defects, tell others they are occuring for their sake, and then get right with a higher power way worse than any nightmare I could ever become, I can truly change, but not change for myself like most deadbeats end up doing, due to wrong motives and intentions, I can then change for you.  If I change for you, then I can change for anyone, including myself then, because a new me, makes a different you, who I continually want to change me for, because in the end it has the greatest effect on you.  

It is ALL about you in recovery, and it is all about me if I continue to tolerate the negativity of my addicitons.  I become no longer miserable, lonely, or a nightmare when I change for you.  

Please comment and help me to continue a change for everyone.