This is a group for addicts. It is not an advice column. But since you asked I give my opinion. Masturbation is selfish. It serves only that person doing. Sex is meant to take place between married a man a woman. Period.

I agree with 2early, if you are infact in a healthy, intimate relationship what is the need for masturbation? Regardless if one partner has a higher sex drive or not. Will you die without having an orgasm?

I have had a very high and strong sex drive, as well as my ex-partner. For that it was impossible to completely satisfy each other or ourselves. We could have had sex all night and day with only breaks for food and sleep, and even in the sleep there was sex.

So, thinking that my sex drive was very strong and needed to be satisfied with more sex didn't pan out. I had to switch to another attitude,, admitting that I could never be completely satisfied no matter who much great sex I got,, I had to work hard to control it. Well, and then I had to admit that I couldn't control it.. Step 1 of the 12 Steps.

So, where's the line? I think the line is best at confining it to stay within the committed relationship,, as long as the partner has a 'normal' sex drive. And there I'll say that if the partner is not willing to have sex everyday, except during times of abstinence that is for a good reason.. then perhaps the partner needs some counseling.

Marriage is about sex and complete partnership.

That's my opinion, though I guess some partners would feel that it's okay to only give sex once a week, quickly.

And not just sex but romance. People who get into porn tend to lose a sense of romance,, because that's not included in porn, or most mb.

Reminds me of the movie.. Don Juan De marco.
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So true that porn and masturbation aides in destroying "romance" or intimacy. That is something my husband is learning through his recovery. I am not sure about sex everyday or feeling like it is something that if I as a partner am not willing to have sex everyday that means I need therapy? I also don't understand that "some partners would feel that it's okay to only give sex once a week, quickly." I see sex in a healthy marriage as sharing in the most intimate way possible, if that happens once a day or once a week or once a month, its all healthy.

I also think justifying bad behavior is never a good idea. Its like saying, "Oh I only do crack on weekends!" Making excuses, blaming and justifying bad behavior is the very nature of addiction. Also having an erection will not kill you. Trust me they will go down without any help!

I agree with both 2 and Candy. Where is the healthy benefit of selfish behavior like that? I'm sure your partner would much prefer to know that you are struggling with sexual desires. That way, she has a chance to work with you on it. Other than that, what you're suggesting is a dead end street.

What who is suggesting? What suggestion?

Anyway.. it's a fact that some people have very strong sex drives, and are highly sexed,, and some people have very low sex drives and almost no libido at all. This is a mismatch actually, and it should be discussed before the marriage. Kind of late after the marriage to have one saying.. "I don't see that sex more than once a month is necessary, and I don't need counseling" to a spouse that is going crazy with raging hormones. But it does happen.
St Paul even addresses the issue in his letters, acknowledging that a married partner needs sex, and that his/her partner should give it unless there is a good reason to abstain.

True that an erection won't kill you. It's easier if a guy is married and knows that if he waits patiently he will be satisfied very soon. It's harder when the hormones are raging and there is no end in sight.

I wasn't sure if I should even have been thinking about self pleasure having a relationship like this and wasn't aware if porn or outside sources to turn me on could or should be a factor at all. I don't want to cheat and could not do it but I am known to be a natural flirt with the opposite sex since that's how I have been most of my life.

Really just getting to know what is healthy and unhealthy in a new level of relationship. I'm loving the advice so far and would love to hear anyone else's opinions or anything else anyone has on there mind about this topic. "