I'm so sorry for you and I have lived this life so I know what you are feeling right now.
I don't believe that you should be responsible for his recovery. However, he can go online and do his recovery online while you heal from the trauma of his addiction.
Here are two links for online recovery:
www.recoverynation.com
http://candeobehaviorchange.com/healthy-sexuality/
My hope would be that once he begins recovery he will actually want to share his story with others so he can allow the shame to lift .He can also come here and share his story anonymously with others who have walked the same journey. I would also urge you, as a spouse to share your story with other spouses. There is a lot of healing in sharing and as a spouse there is a lot to learn about healthy boundaries, rebuilding trust and rebuilding intimacy.

Sorry to hear this. Yes it is not your responsibility to heal your husband, neither is it possible. He must want to be in control of the process. I can't really imagine a situation where he will not divulge it to anyone but get better, because he needs to break the cycle of shame...If he doesn't talk, probably to a professional, then he will likely not change. It is also about pride. Pride is the evil twin of shame and in we addicts they work to keep us silent and addicted. Your husband's pride and shame are all party of the addiction. My advice therefore is to say you can't do this for him or alone and that you will find someone who can better be there for you unless he agrees to talk. Sorry if this seems harsh. Also remember your own worth in all this. First and foremost you must look after you. We addicts cause damage and are sad and ill but that doesn't mean our loved ones can't take care of themselves...quite the opposite!

Sorry, I didn't mean "you will find someone else," that is too harsh, but to say that just that you are not satisfied with that solution ... and that you will do what you need to to protect yourself unless he agrees to open up, even anonymously as Shanas says.

its kind of like a scab, if you think about it, its going to itch...or if you tell a kid not to touch something, hes going to touch it...maybe you should assess how you are sexually. there are plenty of women who cannot satisfy their husbands and you should be somewhat thankful he hasn't commited infidelity yet. maybe you should piece together when this started to become a problem. Acutally I don't even knkow what the problem is? if you try to figure out where it went wrong, maybe you can solve it. or like please him better.

message me privately for more tips...

"You" have nothing to do with his choice of behaviors. The problem he is facing really calls for professional help. You are not a psych? How is all of this affecting you? How are you feeling?

I disagree somewhat with what some of the other posters have said, though I understand where they are coming from. You are a couple indeed, and there must be as such a willingness to help out, to seek out a solution, to... battle. There are always solutions. Heck, you could just throw away the computer away if the MARRIAGE comes down to that last resort. Okay, well that's just my character.
You could try, Tia, if you wish, to start with a simple software called skeebloo. Check it out if you have the time. I commissioned this for some family members (two cousins) who, though married, spent much time playing online games. It was creating havok on their marriage. You can imagine what playing for 3-4hours after work can do to the ties... anyway, it's a simple straight-forward software that acts as a delay timer, the only difference is... it's cheat proof. I think it works best (from what I gather) when a partner like yourself activates it. Unless your husband is a coding expert, it's going to be very hard for him to reaccess online porn. Have a look at the site www.truetime-applications.com whenever you have a few minutes.
From a guy who used to spend a lot of time online, though who by his nature, knows deep down inside that he prefers reality over the virtual.
Let me know if you have come up with a strategy in the meantime.
Your husband sounds like a great guy by the way! Don't give up.

I agree with the last statement..kind of....as a spouse of a sex/porn addict that is in successful recovery, I had to lay it on the line. There are boundaries within our house, in our marriage that I had to set in order to keep the home free of crap, my heart safe and our children safe from seeing or hearing things that would infact keep the addiction cycle going to yet another generation. So heck ya I added filters and accountability programs and passwords, so that if my husband wants to use the internet/tv I have to open the device. This stops him from using it alone, there are boundaries, laptops are left in the open living room. There are also boundaries like no more strip clubs, or flirting with women, keeping me posted where he is, there are boundaries about sex, and communication etc. And yes there are consquences most of them divorce. After being betrayed and lied to for close to 22 years my husband made the choice to stay in this marriage and fight with those stipulations in place. He, like most sex addicts, had no boundaries as a child, lived in an abusive home, and had no outlet, so porn and masturbation filled that void, and as an adult more and more stuff started because that was no longer able to fill the void.
TomekaCali, he NEEDS to get help though, outside of you, talking to a CSAT therapist at the very least. Every addict is embarrassed to talk about it and that very shame will suck him right back into the cycle. You also will need some help too, this betrayal is dreadful and very damaging to you too.

Papasalmon, I know someone who threw his laptop in the river to rid it from him....my husband after therapy, intensive rehab, 12 step group, and 15 months sober from all acting out including masturbation STILL does not want access to the internet.

I too am a spouse of a sex addict. He is working on his recovery.

You can under NO circumstances be his "help" or "support" when you are the sole person. That allows him to resent you when he acts out and fails (which he will--we call it "white knuckling", and not even one person in 10 000 can succeed by that--hubby learned this at rehab). It will gnaw at your relationship; ask me how I know...

Having said that--you are, believe it or not, important. And if you learn to set boundaries for your safety--like backing off/separate rooms, etc, while he is acting out, that DOES mean something to him. Meanwhile, do the research to have a place you require him to go to be able to continue this marriage--a CSAT and a 12 step program. Linda Hatch has an article on it on her blog--google her, I highly recommend her blog.

Addiction is a medical issue that involves the reward and memory circuitry in the brain. There is nothing for him to be ashamed of especially if he is reaching out to get help for his symptoms. I would advise seeking medical advise from an addiction program so that you both fully understand what you are dealing with. Sometimes the partner of an addict needs as much support and guidance as the person with the flairup of symptoms. It's a real health issue, that if not treated properly can result in breakdown of families and unfortunately death for many. It's an epidemic in our culture. I can't suggest medical treatment enough. It's no joke.

It is interesting to read the responses here. I think as a spouse you need to know what your role is in your husband's recovery, what is considered "healthy" and what might be crossing over to co-dependency. Boundaries are for the spouse, not the addict, but through recovery the addict learns to develop their own set of boundaries to regain some healthy values. We are all a work in progress. My hope is that you know the difference between what is healthy support and what isn't. Good luck!

agreed Shanas ...the boundaries I have in place are for me and my kids ....when I added passcodes, and filters, it was first to keep my children from being exposed to crap on the internet, and it was also to keep my home clean from it. My husband had and still does have the choice to either live like that here or live somewhere else.

also wanted to add that the rest of the boundaries were actually already stated in our marriage vows, somehow along the way addiction took over and made those promises not count anymore....in recovery my husband is the first to admit that he convinced himself in his family world he was keeping those promises, in his addict world there were no boundaries.

My H has not been able to access porn in our home for around seven years. He can't even logon the computer without my password. I let him know years ago, here, you won't be doing that...at all. That is a boundary for both him and me. Him, in that he can either accept that restriction, or he can leave. Me, in that I won't allow it. However, I cannot, as I have recently discovered...again...prevent him from accessing it outside of our home. He does have a work computer, and he does have a company issued smartphone, so, he always has access. And, he used it too. Now, there is for sure no way that I can have any boundary that is affective, other than keeping my distance from him.

Thanks for replying everyone.

@shanas1254- I appreciate it. I agree, I think the online methods would be the ideal one for him. I've come across a blog about www.greatnessahead.com and it seems that the program is also effective. Once my hubby's ready, it would really make me happy if he browses threads the recovery places here at www.dailystrength.org or if he decides to join then that'll be wonderful. I sometimes feel that his promises to help himself were all half-baked (to make me shut up I guess) but I'm doing my best to support him.

@wystan1000- Thank you. Right now I could definitely say that I can but I dunno if I could still endure everything but if he decides on seeking help then that would make everything bearable for me.

@sandsomemore2- That's what he told me, he told me hasn't slept with another women and he's never gonna do that. Though I think it's very unlikely as he stays at home the whole time, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

@papasalmon- He works online (web admin thing) and I'm not tech savvy, so I don't know if that's possible but I'll mention about it and let you know.

@candycin - I know, I'm not in the position to help him solely. But he doesn't want to talk to anyone, continually promising me that we can manage it. Oh boy...

Again, thanks guys this means so much to me.