Soul,

I think he is being more confrontational because he is afraid of what you may know and by being hostile he can keep you off his back. Well that is what his addictive mind is thinking.

The addiction thrives on secretive behavior and lying is part of the addictive pattern. The script is so well scripted that even if you were to literally hit him with the truth, he would flatly deny it.

My mother used to say if you deny something in a hostile and aggressive manner, it would most likely be a lie but if you deny something vehemently and someone does not believe it, there is no hostility to be had because the truth would come out eventually.

I recommend that you stay strong and keep yourself away from harm's way, so to speak until the counseling session which incidentally depending on the therapist, he may or may not admit to wrong doing.

Please do take care of yourself,
Wolf (5 and 1/2 years sober)

Thanks wolfie, yep got it....

Keep staying away from him and if he is confrontational with you, pick yourself up and move to another room. I do agree with Wolfie that he has a great deal of fear about losing his coping mechanism, but I also believe he has other underlying issues that need addressing. He will continue to try to intimidate you and manipulate you so stay clear. Hang in there!

Omg went to counseling and he denied everything, because he broke my computer and distroyed the hard evidence, I couldn't show the counselor.. told him I found match. Pof... meetme sites and more... that I paid to have it traced,,, asked to explain why skanky emails stopped so quickly then... told him I was watching since last may... still no... I am pissed at the counselor she let him off the hook with her lack of computer knowledge. .. I am feeling so defeated she was my hope of getting him to be honest.. I told him in counseling I am moving to my own room then I get home and the spare room needs hours of work I physically can't take on that battle tonight.. I feel so betrayed... by both my counselor and my husband...

Please go to counseling alone, without him. He is not suddenly going to become transparent because he is sitting in front of a counselor. Talk to her privately and ask for help setting boundaries with him. I don't think she is necessarily letting him off the hook, but rather not being confrontational with him in a counseling session.
Good for you electing a house separation, but HE should be the one to move out of the bedroom, not you! Kick him out and tell him he cannot come back in UNTIL he accepts responsibility for his behavior and if he doesn't like that, he can leave. Be firm with him and continue to let him know he is not fooling you.

There is a saying in my country "People who are thieves will keep plotting, the cops will try to stop and catch them, unless the thief changes - theft cannot be stopped" It does not translate well to English, but this is the summary.

There is absolutely no point in trying to get a spouse into counselling or even talking about it until and unless he is willing to change by HIMSELF, otherwise it is a lost cause.

The only thing you can control is what you can do about it. My kind advise is to focus on your healing and next steps and not worry about your spouse at this time - especially since he has not hit rock bottom and still trying to hide and life. Put 100% of the efforts on what you can do for yourself. Avoid fights, reasoning - both will not work. If you are religious, this is a great time to reconnect with God.

Wish you the best in your life, and hopefully your husband will decide to change himself for the better very soon, but unless he is ready all you attempts to change him will be futile.

God bless..

Thank god for this site or I would have second guessed everything,, today I have been doing some serious Journaling and it's opening my eye.... He just came home and was all like ok I think I have this figured out. Only thing he did was made me question more... he doesn't know Ihave ppictures and a report from the company I had come in and work with his computer... he seems to be seeing what I will accept as truth.. oh I know how bout truth... any way on with my day moving to my own room today... no more lies... but thanks for the feedback last night I needed it

Honestly you could show him the evidence and he would still deny it and make stories...it took me booking a polygraph to finally get all of the truth...stop asking him to tell the truth ...tell him you have all the proof you need and until he is ready to be honest and faithful your marriage is on hold heading to an end ...you have the right to set boundaries ...

Try not to be confrontational when you show him the evidence, you want to help him and save your marriage. Counseling can be good but see if he will go to a recovery group with you. There he can join up with the men and you with the women and he can talk about what he's been doing and you can talk about how you been feeling and you both may find somebody who's been through the same thing and understands what you're going through and how to help you. Please try recovery group. Celebrate Recovery is one, SA is another. I still wish I had my wife around to love me and help me. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope it all works out for y'all

The thing is...why are "you" attempting to fix something that you aren't doing? The behavior he is displaying is self-explanatory...doesn't need an explanation. However, your feelings matter....and you'll have to deal with what you already know...which is likely enough to draw the conclusions you need to make.