I write this with lots of shame and a heavy heart. I have fought with  since i was 13 years old and I'm 38. I'm also happily married with three amazing kids. I have fought depression my whole life and i think the porn was almost cathartic. The problem was the type of porn i was watching. It was child porn. From the age of 13 on. It would hit during depressive states. It was never all the time and only during these times and full of shame. It is a demon i have fought and recently was accused of having a drop box full of child porn i wasn't even aware of but did admit to videos on my phone and fully complied with the officers and honestly felt like a weight lifted because i am able to ask for the help i needed. But now I'm facing felony charges and scared to death because it's never been about a sexual desire. I have never touched a child and never would. I have never touched my children and they have even testified to that but they are still victimized because thier father can't stay in the house with them. It kills me to be away from them and i know it's a mental issue. I have no desire to touch children. But it was like a car wreck. Just couldn't look away. I'm currently in treatment and start my court appearances Friday. The whole town knows but my super is my family and my wife knows it's a sickness. I pray every night for a miracle. My plan after all this is to advocate against this sickness but also know it's real and there are people like me who truly seek the help. I know it's hard to believe that it's a sickness and not a desire but in front of God and everybody i will swear it to be true