Hello,

I'm new to this group, but not new to pornography. I was innocently introduced to it in college. My issues already well established issues with depression and insecurities allowed my to rationalize the physical harm I was doing to myself. Fake is better than nothing. The lies and cheating fell apart 2-3 days ago when my wife confronted me with credit card purchases I didn't want to explain and thought I was smart enough to get out of. I used cards, that she is a user on, to pay for live contact. No matter how I want to paint it, I cheated on her. I swore I never would and didn't even realize that is exactly what I've been doing this whole time.

She has known about my addiction to pornography and never liked it bringing it up countless times. She now is rightfut furious and hates me not just for the lying and cheating but also for the plans we were making together. I've tried expressing my sorrow and pain for hurting her, but naturally she believes nothing I say as she should. She has painfully said she wants to separate and divorce, but her faith in God and Him telling her to stay... not to give me another chance, but to watch the change that will occur within me. 

The marriage I had was one-sided, filled with inconsideration and inactions of disrespect. This is not a marriage and deserves to die. She has make it more than clear she will NEVER feel the same again, and knowing how she operates she won't. It is now my oppertunuity to create a new marriage of mutaul respect and action. To be the man I've never been, to be husband she deserves, and to be who I know I can and want to be.