Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I'm not sure if this group will help, but I hope it does. I have been struggling with porn and masterbation for a very long time. I recall making "promises to God" to stop, but then I always relapse. I justify it by telling myself that "everyone does it". And while I don't necessarily find masterbation bad per se, what I do find to be disturbing is that it can become more important that other areas of life. Sometimes, I find myself scheduling my "alone time" so that I can watch porn and masterbate. Even forgoing going out with family or friends. So, it's that aspect that really makes me feel a bit pathetic. Secondly, I do have a partner and while our sex life is less than active now, masterbation has been my substitute for a long time. It's almost like I prefer to do that than be intimate. It's actually quite embarassing and of course there is really no one to talk to about it. I did bring this up to my therapist who said I need to discuss this with my partner. But I'm even embarassed to talk to my therapist, let alone my partner. Lately, I find any excuse to be alone so I can do it alone. Not too sure it's the healthiest way of living my life. But like many of the other posts I've read, it's almost like the one part of my day that I look forward to. Any suggestions??
Thanks for posting. It sounds like you are struggling with porn use that's interfering with your life in some pretty significant ways. It's good you have a therapist to talk to, but the advice you describe having received seems kind of limited.
Have you told your therapist about your failed attempts to stop using porn, and scheduling your life around porn use, and the distress you're feeling about that? In my experience (including personal experience), these sound like problems that could have addiction-related aspects to them, and not simply an intimacy issue with your partner.
My first advice to anyone looking to tackle a porn use problem is to find someone neutral to talk to who understands what you're going through and won't judge, and who is NOT emotionally connected to you. You have a therapist, which is what I usually recommend to someone in your position, but I wonder whether your therapist is the right one. Do you know whether your therapist has experience counseling on porn addiction issues? Our web site, www.pornhelp.org, has a long list of therapists specializing in problem porn use/porn addiction. Many, but not all, of them are Certified Sexual Addiction Therapists (CSATs). You might want to check out that list to see if your therapist is on it, and/or if there is someone else in your area who might be better suited to advise you on this stuff. Whatever therapist you end up going to, it's REALLY important that you share all of what you've described here, particularly the repeated failed attempts to quit, being driven to distraction by thoughts of porn, and scheduling your life around porn use to the exclusion of family, friends and intimacy. For me, those are familiar red flag behaviors that could signal addiction-related issues, and that are important to have someone experienced help guide you through.
Alternatively, you might also try checking out a 12-step group meeting, like Sex Addicts Anonymous. It's hard to get yourself to go to one of those meetings the first time, I know, but guaranteed you'd find people at that sort of meeting who are struggling with similar issues around porn, and who would welcome you and give you support. There's a list of 12-step groups on the pornhelp.org site, too.
Feel free to respond here or DM me if you have more questions and/or need a hand finding help that's right for you.
And hang in there. You're not alone.
Yours,
George @ PornHelp.org
Yes, the fear of being seen at a 12-step meeting is pretty common. Just remember, everybody in that room shares the same fear, and has the same motivation for not saying anything to anyone outside the group. It's not a foolproof system, but in my experience it works remarkably well.
The type of person you're describing - someone who's on call in a weak moment, etc. - is someone we refer to as an "accountability partner." (It's totally not too much to ask of someone - I'd volunteer, but I have my hands full with people in my local group already!) A 12-step group is probably the easiest way to find someone local to you to help with that. Also, some of the larger 12-step groups have telephone/online meetings, which is a way to explore what they have to offer that's a little more anonymous (but also a little less powerful, in my opinion).
You could also put up at a new post here to try and find someone. Or, I know also that the online forums at NoFap.com have a pretty active community of people looking to pair up with an accountability partner. You might want to try that out.
I'd encourage you to try some form of meeting, just to get a sense of how other people view their issues with porn. A lot of the people in my local group have had a very similar experience with porn use kind of taking over their lives the way you describe. And, bottom line, if it feels like a problem for you, might as well address it.
George
However I recently started finding it easier to deal with and i haven't been feeling trapped as I used to.
For me it started with just making an honest prayer to God, and telling him of my struggles,guilt and asking for his help.
I would ask for grace every morning and beliving that with him everything is possible.
And the more I opened my heart to knowing God by praying, singing or reading the bible the easier it became for me dismiss the thought and need to masturbate.
You could also look for a good local church in your area, I found one and they are warm and unjugemental, everyone is open and helps each other out.
You just have to ask for help and I know you'll find it. It hasn't always been easy but faith and grace keeps me going.
And I honestly think if you're tired of fighting this and doing it alone then maybe you should give this a try because it would give you the peace and rest you need.
But I remembered that God isn't present to make sure that we never get hurt but he is present to make sure that even when we do we get back on our feet and even stronger than before.
So for me a relationship with God is not about Religion but about a Personal Relationship with him, knowing his unchanging love and allowing his Grace to change you from within. It comes with a certain level of peace you can only experience for yourself.
And I have learnt that when his light and peace abides in you darkness has no place.
So I honestly hope you give starting a fresh relationship with God a try, without any preconceptions, find out what he means to you and I am sure he will create a way of escape for you.
Please, if you have any question or issue I will be happy to help ☺.