its such a complicated subject..i think if you are single and aren't using porn to masturbate then its a healthy. My husband was told by his therapist that masturbation was okay as long as he was thinking about me while doing it ...WRONG...all that did was lead to masturbating thinking of porn, other women, and then a relapse...

most CSATS will say that masturbation within a relationship is not a good idea in the healing of addiction...being single there are some boundaries though too...are you masturbating to get deal with sadness? anger? etc. How often are you masturbating? What are you thinking about? Is it feeding your addiction?

I tend too agree w 2earlyriser. Masturbation is selfpleasuring.learning to appreciate life for what is has to offer rather than for what I have to gain from it has helped me enjoy my gorgeous wife to the point that I am happier feeling her than pleasuring myself.I still have the dirty thoughs in my head.I just dont let them take shape.mind and body have such a strong connection. The healthier ur physical life the stronger ur mind and vice versa.reading the posts gives one such a clear image of the fact that for the ones committed to the cause thids had been such a spiritual journey

Masturbation definitely falls short of the ideal. I think we should aim for the ideal, which is a good marriage, and good sex within a good marriage. I have to admit that this has been a very difficult struggle for me. I don't think masturbation is a good choice for 'recreation', and I think there are much better alternatives even if that means waiting. But I have been in a state of arousal just because of hormones at times that has put me unable to concentrate, or even function, and if I didn't get some kind of release then the alternative would be even worse. So, I might say it's a last resort kind of 'lesser of two evils' kind of thing sometimes.

I agree with you as well 2early.

As I've learned, my views towards sex and sexuality were greatly twisted, and sex without intimacy in any form, for whatever reason, is something that I, personally, must abstain from. Even masturbating to images or thoughts of a significant other takes away the connection and intimacy between me and that person. As I have learned, masturbation (and pornography) ruins relationships and makes me a hollow, dark shell of a man.

Even being single, I always felt guilty doing it. While I know that there is "normal" masturbation, being a compulsive / chronic masturbator is definitely NOT normal or natural. It is simply feeding the beast, feeding the addiction. It causes / caused me to objectify women and situations, always creating sex scenes in my mind that I could then play and act out upon later on.

And as I used masturbation to deal with ANY feelings I had (good, bad, angry, happy, excited, scared, bored, etc) it became worse and the mentality behind it became more and more ingrained, causing irreparable damage to relationships over time.

Again, this is just my personal belief. But being PMO-free for just a short amount of time after a 3+ month sobriety, I am once again feeling that clarity and clear-headed thinking that I am sure other people NOT dealing with this experience.

Jim

2: Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I agree with what you shared. I came to that same conclusion long ago, but for different reasons. Also, you shared, "When I masturbated I wasn't thinking of my wife. I was thinking of someone else. Sex in a marriage is sacred. It creates a bond between the couple." That was a really tough set of words for me to encounter in my marriage. Maybe one of the toughest. Though it was tough to encounter, it cleared up a lot of suspicions on my part. And, oddly enough, it was likely the reason I've attempted to maintain our marriage. My H had the gutts to tell me the truth. I didn't like the hurt of the truth, but I'd rather have the truth than a lie any day. The truth can be acted upon in good faith, a lie goes nowhere but deeper into trouble. The fact though, that inadvertently, he had created a bond with porn, and other things, makes me a bit apprehensive about our relationship. I often feel apprehensive about sexual intimacy. I just don't quite know where to go with that anymore. I know where I was, where I came from in our past. But, I seemed to lose contact with that, and in its place resides discomfort. I can't seem to "quite" feel wholesome connection as I once did. I suspect he couldn't have. So, I feel like I was quite alone all that time. And now, it leaves me kind of wondering, right when it isn't good to wonder.

I think that like you stated masturbation is cheating, and like you admitted you weren't thinking of your wife while you were doing it, lusting about someone else or replaying porn or whatever. Therefor masturbation is a bottom line for my husband who is 9 months sober.

2earlyriser,

I share your view as stated above. It's a tough sell in this day and age, when our culture wants us to believe that it's healthy and natural, but I do believe it undermines both the procreative and unitive purposes of sex.