Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I've been told that it's common for sexual abuse survivors to look at porn. Thats what i've told, but is it true? I was raped when i was 6 years old, by an 17 year old guy. I dont know if that has anything to do with the fact that i cant stop thinking about sex, and yet i dont flirt, don't talk about sexual topics to ANYONE. Its a miracle that i'm married. I love my wife and i want to be with her, but this thing has come between us. She caught me looking at porn. Of course she is devastated, and no longer trusts me. i think that the only reason that i am still married is because she knows about the abuse that i suffered as a child. I really don't know what to do right now. nothing seems right in my head. I do not want to be this way. I dont understand why i get so tempted, especially when i am depressed. Which is now just about all of the time. I'm actually sitting here with a razor knife. I tried to cut my throat, but i'm too much of a coward to do that. So i started "practicing" on my arm. I know that i'm not making much since right now, I just thought that maybe somebody here might know if this is actually a common thing.... and if there is a good way of getting those thoughts out of my head!!!!
I know some of you would probably suggest that i go to a hospital for the suicidal thoughts, but i've done that before.... spent a week there. I told them everything they wanted to hear and got out. I hated it there, and i will not go back.
I know some of you would probably suggest that i go to a hospital for the suicidal thoughts, but i've done that before.... spent a week there. I told them everything they wanted to hear and got out. I hated it there, and i will not go back.
try seeking help with a counselor or just start by taking a walk...it may seem trite but changing your environment can help clear your head...
and don't give up...as long as you are breathing...things will change...didn't someone once say the only things that we can all count on for certain are CHANGE and taxes?
I was told I'd never have a baby...but 10 yrs later and I have a beautiful boy...things always change...
I can say that being the spouse of a porn addict has often made me hurt, and angry..and at times even question my love BUT i would NEVER want to see him hurting himself....porn addiction is bad but suicide would only hurt her more...
my father killed himself and believe me I'd rather he was alive...no matter how much damage he did...at least if he were here we could change things....
Let me start out by saying that there are dozens of possible and likely responses to childhood sexual abuse and rape: alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders, etc. Also on the list are sexual addiction and depression. These are the kinds of things that therapists EXPECT to see in survivors. In his now classic book, "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction," Dr. Patrick J. Carnes reports that something like 85% to 90% of all sex addicts have childhood sexual abuse in their background, and sexual addiction can certainly include an obsession with pornography. I would suggest you try to hold of a copy of this book and see what else Dr. Carnes has to say. You might be able to find it at your local library or bookstore, or you can order it directly from AMAZON.COM. The cost is around $16.00 or $17.00 I believe.
Another very common aftereffect of childhood sexual abuse is self-injury, sometimes called self-mutilation or simply cutting. In some cases, it is done so that the individual can feel something, anything. They have shut down emotionally so well that they've totally lost all capacity to feel. Hence, the cutting--to feel again. Other times, cutting has to do with depression and thoughts of suicide.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that given the little bit of history you've shared about yourself, the reactions or responses you're haveing are things that would be expected. There is nothing abnormal or out of line with the responses themself, however, these responses are now causing problems of their own in your life. These are the issues you now need to confront and deal with once and for all.
Well, after you've had a chance to read "Out of the Shadows," you might want to consider checking out one or more of the Twelve Step groups that exist specifically for sex addicts. There are five (5) primary groups that are active here in the U.S.: Sexaholics Anonymous (S.A.), Sex Addicts Anonymous (S.A.A.), Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.), Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (S.C.A.), and Sexual Recovery Anonymous (S.R.A.). If you will click on the "Recommendations" tab at the top of this page, you will find all of the information you need to make contact with each of these fellowships along with their websites.
When you go to a group's website, be sure to check out their "Where and When" listing which you'll find somewhere on the site. This is an inventory of sorts of all of that fellowship's groups, indexed by state for your convenience. You might want to check and see if there are any group meetings that are held anywhere close to your home or office that would be easy for you to get to. If so, you might want to check out a couple of meetings and see what you think. If nothing is convenient for you, then check out the telephone groups and the online meetings. Something in all of this should be convenient for you. Find a memeting or two that you can commit yourself to attending on a regular basis (and regular means weekly, if not daily).
And finally, you will need to get into counseling at some point. You can look around your area a bit for a counselor, or you can check out a couple of websites that have listings of specially trained and/or certified therapists who work with sex addicts. These two websites are as follows:
Sex Help (www.sexhelp.com/)
Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (www.sash.net/)
Both of these websites also contain information on treatment programs that deal with sexual addiction, suggested reading lists on sexual addiction, Information on upcoming workshops and seminars on sexual addiction, etc. Please feel free to browse through both websites at your convenience.
I also have a couple of ideas that might prove helpful with the sexual abuse issues. The first is a book by a guy named Mike Lew titled "Victims No Longer". What makes this book unique is that it is written by a man specifically for male survivors of sexual abuse. There are other books out there by guys like Mic Hunter and others, but this might be a good place for you to start.
I also wanted to let you know that there are panels here on Ds for sexual abuse and incest if you'd be interested in checking them out.
Finally, there are two Twelve Step groups for survivors of sexual abuse. The first is Survivors of Incest Anonymous (www.siawso.org/), and the other is Incest Survivors Anonymous (www.lafn.org/medical/isa/home.html). Despite the similar names, these are two totally separate groups. They both define the word "incest" very broadly so that it can include babysitters, teachers, scout leaders, coaches, as well as prieists, ministers, and rabbis. These groups can be very healing, especially when you meet other male survivors and learn that you are not alone.
Well, that's enough for now to get you started. I hope something here helps. Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. Take care, and best of luck to you.
I know all to well the feeling of wanting to kill myself. It is not persistant with me, but the times I have felt it, it is very real. I think it is the devil telling me that I am useless. unworthy and unlovable.
I did not know it at the time but the 8th grader that raped me, and my parents lack of capability to protect me was the moment I learned to believe this lie.
If I committed suicide any one of the times I thought about it then the reality of how much of a lie this is would be in the face of everyone I know, everyone I love. They would know how much of a gift I am to them, and be very hurt by the fact that I gave up and took that gift away from them. Some of them who are very close to me, epseically my children, would then believe the very same lie. They would beleive that they were not worth their daddy staying here to love, provide and protect them. My wife would believe the lie that I do not love her.
The truth is that suicide is the most self centered thing you can do. Because you are a gift to the people around you. You have no idea how you will impact the people in your life. You have no idea what situations you will be in that saves peoples lives. Your assume that you are useless because the pain you feel about the dissapointment your porn addiction is to your wife is bigger than the gift you are to her.
You are being lied to. There is hope. You are a gift. The people around you do actually need you. You are not a coward becuase you can not cut your throat. It is actually pretty corageous to try something like that. The cowardis you not wanting to face your fears. Cowerdiss is letting fear kick your ass. Bravery is being afraid, and doing the right thing in the face of it.
The right and corageous think was to post this question here. The right think is to reach out to get help. The corageous thing is to call a counselor and ask if they can see you now. The corageous thing is to go to the emergency room.
We are all afraid. And to loose complete control of you body to someone who is abusing it makes that fear very real. You and I both know that fear oh so very well, don't we! But fear lies to us. Life is not all that tough. Because God is there. He is right there with you using your fear to cut your throat because he needs you to be a good gift to your wife, to me, to yourself.
I am not suggesting that the hospital is your only solution right now, but I am suggesting that it may be what you need to help you save your life today, right now.
You can not get through this by yourself. Who is around you that can help you? If there is noone, call 1-800-SUICIDE.
Do something toward your fear not away from it. just like you did to post here. Take your fear on. It can not reall hurt you. It will shrival up when it sees you turn and face it. You will win.
I did not offer to let you call me because I am not trained in suicide crisis intervention. But after thinking about it a few minutes. If you want or need to call me, I will talk to you from an "Ive been there done that" place, but understand I can only give you what I have, so if you think you need more skill, I encourage you to call a professional that is skilled.
I have PMed you my number.