Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
So I looked it up here http://www.sexualrecovery.com/articles/understanding-compulsive-masturbation.php and some of it matches me.
I can go a long time without masturbating- er, I mean a real masturbation session. fondling myself absently mindedly in the morning doesn't count.
When I do masturbate though I will do it for hours. I'll often get to that point where you feel like you'd do anything to have something in you and moving. I never DO anything, because 1. I've got the usual female self-esteem issues 2. I don't want to be "that kind of girl".
I also often masturbate when I'm having a panic attack, feeling guilty for something, and awhile ago I had agoraphobia, and whenever I decided "I'm going to leave the house" I'd all of a sudden find myself incredibly horny and put it off for "five more minutes" that then turned to ten, fifteen, a few hours, ect.
I'm only hesitant to believe it's real because all the sites on it talk about twelve step programs or a period of no sexual activity, even with yourself, as the main forms of therapy.
1. there is no way in HELL I would ever ever ever ever ever ever give up "all sexual activity". I don't have sex often enough to be picky, and I like masturbating, thank you very much.
2. I'm an atheist. There is no way that I will do some program that is so religiously focused. and don't try to tell me it's not. I'm sorry but that's the biggest load of bullshit ever. Higher power my ass. I am the highest power when it comes to my own actions.
I can go a long time without masturbating- er, I mean a real masturbation session. fondling myself absently mindedly in the morning doesn't count.
When I do masturbate though I will do it for hours. I'll often get to that point where you feel like you'd do anything to have something in you and moving. I never DO anything, because 1. I've got the usual female self-esteem issues 2. I don't want to be "that kind of girl".
I also often masturbate when I'm having a panic attack, feeling guilty for something, and awhile ago I had agoraphobia, and whenever I decided "I'm going to leave the house" I'd all of a sudden find myself incredibly horny and put it off for "five more minutes" that then turned to ten, fifteen, a few hours, ect.
I'm only hesitant to believe it's real because all the sites on it talk about twelve step programs or a period of no sexual activity, even with yourself, as the main forms of therapy.
1. there is no way in HELL I would ever ever ever ever ever ever give up "all sexual activity". I don't have sex often enough to be picky, and I like masturbating, thank you very much.
2. I'm an atheist. There is no way that I will do some program that is so religiously focused. and don't try to tell me it's not. I'm sorry but that's the biggest load of bullshit ever. Higher power my ass. I am the highest power when it comes to my own actions.
I've been mulling over replying to your post because of its well.. hostile nature but I will reply anyway because it seems like you are not well informed of what masturbation addiction is and worst of all, you are not willing to do the work to resolve it, yet you are here asking for help, of sorts.
1) When you are using masturbation to cope with your unwanted emotions, be anxiety, boredom, loneliness, anger, etc is NOT healthy and it is extremely detrimental to your overall mental health because you are not addressing your emotions in a healthy manner.
2) Hate to be the bearer of ghastly news but abstinence from masturbation for, at least, 90 days is mandatory, there is no way out of it. It would be like you trying to address your alcoholism but you still want to drink, it does NOT work that way. Any recovery program worth its salt will demand that you stop masturbating for, at least, 90 days so that you can learn healthier ways to deal with your emotional life, instead of masturbating them away. All sexual activity also needs to go for that same amount of time for the same exact reason, I just mentioned.
3) I see you are an atheist, that's all well and good yet the reality is that (this is coming from a rather disgruntled Catholic),
whether you like it or not, there is an energy that flows through us all that causes our heart to beat, our lungs to contract and expand to take in air, etc and it does it whether we believe in it or not.
But my main point is this, no you are not the highest power when it comes to your actions in the sense that said power comes from within you not because you have it but because it originates from something far more powerful which is the power that makes you get up in the morning and go about your day, the same power that gave you life and you can call it whatever you want.
3) As for that claim that you are the highest power when it comes to your actions, it strikes me as a truly contradictory because if you truly were that highest power, your actions would not be so self destructive.When people are connected to their Higher Selves they behave in ways that are constructive not destructive and most important of all hardly act as hostile as you have written.
But that's neither here not there, nothing will ever change for you until you realize that you indeed have a problem that needs to be addressed and that you also need help and you will commit yourself to a recovery program, it does not have to be a 12 step program, I have too have problems with them not because of their Higher Power bent but because of their insistence that we are powerless and once an addict, always an addict mind set.
Here, exactly where knowing in something greater than yourself truly pays off, if you know your power derives from something greater than you because it created you, then you'll also know it can heal you from your addiction, so you will also not be a perpetual addict.
Then, you also need to address those self esteem issues which incidentally are fueling your masturbation addiction.
Those are you choices, incidentally fondling yourself in the morning DOES count, again because if you are to have life affirming sexual behavior, you have to be present for it, doing it nilly willy speaks of boredom and inability to deal with it in a positive manner, masturbation is not a healthy way to address it.
It will be hard to do but not impossible but, at least, you'll have a better life than you are having now. You'll be far happier as well. You owe it to yourself to address this addiction, if not now, when?
As for recovery programs, there is recovery nation which is online and free unless you need a mentor which you can have one for a fee.
Hope this helps even if it was a tad hard to read,
Wolf (2 years sober)
I am not going to address your higher power bit, as I do not agree that I should idolize the chemicals in my body (yes, they affect me, and no you cannot control most emotions, such as the adrenaline that causes panic attacks, but they are not sentient. I have been to a "family members of alcoholics meeting" when I was a teenager, and they had the twelve step program, and I felt very uncomfortable with the worshipful reverence with which they discussed their individual "higher powers". ) and feel like we will never see eye to eye on that. To be honest, being told that I "had" to choose a higher power, when I was just coming to the terms that I, unlike the rest of my christian family, did not believe in god, did not in any way help me deal with my family issues. Suffice to say, I did not come back after that one meeting.
As for two.... that's not something I could ever feasibly do. I at one time took some medication which caused me to be unable to orgasm as a side effect. I became miserable, frustrated to the point of tears, and angry 24/7. I don't see how that could help me deal with my emotions.
aaaaaaaaannnnyways. thanks for your reply. i will think about what you said and the advice you gave, further.
When mentioned your post was hostile, I was referring to some terms you used, such as "high power my ass" and "there is no way in hell". That's what I meant, by the way.
I frankly do not know exactly what's you've been told about "higher power" but whatever you were told was flawed to a hilt. And you may not want to believe it but you can control your emotions by controlling your thoughts.
It is this equation that should enable you to understand what I mean by that= First there is a though and then an emotion, then the reaction. Say I tell you that you parked in my space, the immediate though could be, "How dare he tell me I'm in his space" what follows it? the emotion of anger. Every single emotion always begins with a thought. So by changing your thoughts, you can change your life.
Actually, i'm quite familiar with panic attacks, I used to suffer from them and by actually going through the steps to neutralize the panic attacks and realizing it was just that a panic attack and not something real, I have been able to cut down the attack by a few seconds instead of hours or meds, like I used to. So, again, I will say, you can indeed control your emotions, every emotion, how you feel at any moment, it is a choice. Knowing that makes a huge difference in your quality of life. If you've been told otherwise, they did you a huge disservice.
Where did you get that we should idolize the chemicals in our bodies by my saying that your breathing, your blood flow and your digestion works whether you are aware of it or not. That simply baffles me, all I was saying was that energy exists and all you needed to do was access it.. I never said worship it, I simply said being aware of it makes a huge difference in one's quality of life. I think you are reading way more than I actually write.
One of the things I pride myself in is being very clear and to the point, and there's no hidden agendas of any kind. And no you do not have to choose a higher power, there are not several, there's only one energy and all you need to do is be aware of it, think of it like the sun, being aware of the sun makes you feel warm, right? Well.. being aware of that energy will make you feel able to do just about anything you set your mind to. At least, think about it.
As for two, well, whether it is feasible or not for you to do is not the issue here. Believe me, I personally was not thrilled with the prospect either but somehow I made the commitment anyway, no matter what, it was not easy, st times, it was down right a bear of a time, I felt like a bear with a ghastly case of fleas but believe it or not, after the 90 days I extended it for a few more months until I was certain the intrusive images and thoughts were indeed gone.
As for the medication that brought on the lack of orgasm side effect, it happened to affect you to that extent because I'm suspecting you already were addicted to masturbation. Otherwise,, you'd be annoyed but not frustrated to the point of tears, let alone, angry 24/7.
And again, using masturbation to deal with your emotions is the problem. Healthy people do not use anything to deal with their emotions, they take responsibility for them and process them until they are resolved, they do not use drugs, masturbation to address them.
The reason why it is a problem is because by using masturbation to deal with whatever unwanted emotion you are feeling, it does not solve it in the least. In fact, it makes it worse because you end up piling those emotions up until you are nothing but a landfill of unwanted emotions, in a matter of speaking. Not only that but if you continue down this path, you will, at some point, not be able to orgasm at all or if you do, it'll be pretty tiny which in turn will frustrate you even more.
Again, I know this is hard to read but it is what it is, as for the mandatory abstinence period, perhaps you could consult with your psychiatrist as to how it would be best to address this addiction in the less traumatic way possible.
Hope this helps,
Wolf
Sometimes parts of us remain in denial and the concept of "'higher power"' is part of OURSELVES and not necessarily anything connected to "'god"' EGO , which most of us are led by, seems to be the case here. Ego maintains denial, pride,defensiveness. Ego attaches itself to addictions and what we look for in relationships are usually the fuels to keep our addictions aflame.
There is NO way we can lose an addiction unless we control our ego. We do so by seeking humility , honesty. acceptance.
The VERY same loss of control that sex addiction IS also manifests itself as PANIC (which is the same thing , loss of control in a situation)..we lose control of our LIVES.
You become a SLAVE to your desires!
This all happened to me; I was leading a double life , hooked on porn but a married guy with a child. Nobody knew. My wife couldn't keep up with my desires.
One day i got on bus to work , carrying porn in my workcase, and suddenly i was overwhelmed by a massive panic attack. Like a whirlwind of fear! I felt like i was drowning, gasping, about to pass out..the occupants of the bus looked at me and i'll never forget the gaze. I was a madman. Rushed off the bus and hailed a cab.
But this instance set off a chain of panic attacks that gripped me.
I found i couldn't board buses or transport anymore..lead to agoraphobia.
After yrs of denial and medication the real cause eluded me.
It's only when i looked for the hidden cause with HONESTY and put away my ego that i realised my nerevs, my prefrontal cortex, brain synapses and dopamine levels had been RAVAGED by sexual OVER stimulation.
The ONLY way is to QUIT, whether atheist or believer...abstinence makes the synapses recover within weeks. You feel different and will know the true meaning to life.
UNTIL you get to the stage iw as at you'll always look for excuses and DENY.
Thank you Wolfiepa!
Blessings to you my friend.
The addiction will take over your life. You'll find no pleasure in family, hobbies,social activities etc. Nothing equals masturbation in terms of MOMENTARY pleasure!
The brain chemicals go beserk and so does your nervous system.
You overload the prefrontal cortex.
You'll shake, you might develop a stutter,weird behavioural ticks that others notice, you'll draw away from people, become a very depressed recluse. Some have committed suicide. (no joke)
One has to realise that there's a basic duality in this life of ours;
Like hot and cold, night and day, black and white, fast & slow...
For every part of PLEASURE we receive there is a part of PAIN that follows.
OK, so when we recieve pleasure we HAVE to accept the pain that will follow.
But with us humans and any addiction, we BLOCK the painful part and seek ONLY the pleasure (with drugs, sex, booze, gambling, food). This wont work!
A life built on merely pleasure is NO life because it's suffering that makes us grow, refines us. Pleasure makes us a selfish Epicurean hedonist. Ancient philosophers have always agreed on this.
BUT we live in a society built on INSTANT gratification driven by FEAR.
its nice to know there are Real Adults in the room...
I do not think the replies you have received are very supportive. I am an ex-catholic, and the responses given seem to be from a catholic point-of-view, which is that masturbation is a sin.
Is it correct to say that your main concern is that you do not know if you should believe you have a problem? If so, there was no need for all the comments and attention on your religious beliefs/higher power beliefs.
I believe that you should embrace your sexuality rather than feel guilty for it. Also, I think I have the same beliefs as you, and want you to know that I think you are right to seek something less religiously focused. The 12-step program is trying to get you to stop all all forms of sex completely, but if you do not feel that is right then I think that is a valid feeling. Also, I rather talk to you by private message, so send me one if you get this!
I will suggest that you find a hypnotist that works in this field because :
1) They will help you get to the cause of the problem if you even have one - not sure you do given the amount of times you spend on sexual activity vs the amount of time you spend.
2) They don't believe in 12-step groups because of the unconscious mind being the real director of your thoughts and behaviors. Any time someone stands up to say they are an addict, that is telling their unconscious mind that this is what you are and what you are to think, which based on my clients is totally untrue. One need not categorize themselves in this way.
In fact one can clear all the underlying issues and not have this issue at all contrary to most of the programs out there have to say about the situation.
I am a chronic, addicted masturbater. I am addicted to getting off especially to pornography. A month or two back, I tried to quit cold turkey with the best reasoning ever: if I didn't I would lose the love of my life. ... It lasted a total of 4 weeks. Afterwards, I had so much pent up energy/emotions/whatever that I masturbated consistently 5-6 times a day spiking one day at 7. (No, I am NOT kidding). That was WAY more than I usually masturbated in a day and only another month after that did I return to my usual rate of masturbation of 2-3 times a day.
Abstinence did NOT work for me. It did make my situation worse.
However, replacing looking at porn with 10 min of P90X yoga, expressing my emotions, and gradually weening myself down has been successful. Last week I only looked at porn 2x and masturbated usually only 1x per day. This week I am on track for the same. Thinking of masturbation as an addiction similar to smoking, can't a gradual weening similar to the "patch" help free me from my masturbation/porn addiction? It seems to be working currently...