Recovery from a sexual addiction is a lot like recovery from an eating disorder. You don't stop eating, you simply learn what healthy eating is all about. With a sexual addiction, you learn about healthy sexuality, including relationship skills, and also emotional intimacy, vulnerability, honesty, and openness. And to that end, a lot of addicts make use of the Twelve Step programs that exist for sex addicts:

Sexaholics Anonymous (S.A.)
www.sa.org/

Sex Addicts Anonymous (S.A.A.)
saa-recovery.org/

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.)
www.slaafws.org/

Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (S.C.A.)
www.sca-reccovery.org/

Sexual Recovery Anonymous
www.sexualrecovery.org/

This is where you would start your recovery program for sexual addiction. And just for your information, if you are a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, and are also a sex addict, it is the sexual addiction that will be your primary addiction. That will always be the case. The sexual addiction was there first. The others came along later to help deal with the toxic shame caused by the sexual behavior

Welcome and here is an addicts only board.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/healing-from-sex-and-love-addiction

SA recovery is very hard because of just that. You can't go on the rest of your life w/o sex. But recovery is possible. Many have proven that. It's very rewarding and so worth it. Welcome.

flutter,

Actually, Since 1998 I have not had sex with others and I have been quite fine and quite happy, I may add. While it is true that in that time I developed a sexual addiction from which I have recovered, I have no plans to resume my sexual life whatsoever.

While others resume their sexual life after recovery, I have chosen otherwise since it's not something I need, like food or air. Monks are celibate, as well. None have exploded, so to speak. In other words, celibacy is optional.

Just a thought,
Wolf

While I'll agree with you, wolfie, that celibacy is an option for the recovering sex addict, it really doesn't work that well for a lot of them. The reason for that is that celibacy generally needs to be "calling", it's not just something that most folks can decide to do. This "calling" is what the Roman Catholic priests, monks, and nuns are supposed to have, it's part of their chosen vocation. But requiring celibacy from certain people as a condition of service never works. If you need any proof of that, look at the clergy abuse scandal within the Catholic Church, or at the number of nuns who develop "special friendships" with others within their own orders.

The other point I wanted to make, wolfie, is that you and I have agreed to disagree about your insistence that you are "recovered". I still maintain that no addict, and certainly not a sex addict, can ever say that they are "recovered". Such a thing NEVER happens, The addict is ALWAYS IN THE PROCESS OF RECOVERY. And when they lose sight of that fact, when they think they've got this addiction under their control, that's when they are most susceptible to slips and relapses.

We've been over this before, and as I said, you and I have agreed to disagree over this point. However, I didn't want linalg1 to get the wrong idea about recovery. I don't think there's much chance of that since he's in A.A. and N.A., but even so, it's better to be safe than sorry. Hope things are going well for you, wolf.

If there is never any recovery....then what's the point?

Its a daily reprieve SheenRe contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. In other words we recover 1 day at a time.

For me Charli0217 its irellivant which is my primary addiction. For me its not the addiction thats the problem its the void or the emotional pain that drives the addiction that i need to understand. If im falling into addictive behaviour, i need to ask myself what am i avoiding sharing is it sadness, guilt, anger, anxiety, isolation, helplessness, loneliness, self loathing or all of the above.

Where i have been going wrong over the last year or 2 i feel is that i have been running on self and not asking a higher power, what ever the hell that is, for help.

Going to really need it for this 1 :/ havent slipped today so far.

I live in a rural area in Northern ireland and there are no meeting for Sex addiction. So ill just have to use AA and share my feelings.

Wolf the celibacy is not an option for me.

Thanks Guys!!

Hey linalg1,

Each of the Twelve Step fellowships I mentioned have telephone meetings and online groups. Information on both of these groups can be found on their websites. You might also want to check out a book titled, "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction", by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. The book is available from www.amazon.com.

Pat has written a number of other books about sexual addiction including two that deal with treatment issues, "Don't Call It Love", and "Contrary To Love". They are also available from Amazon.

There are a couple of mega websites that might prove helpful, too:

Sex Help
www.sexhelp.com/

Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health
www.sash.net/

Sexual Recovery Institute
www.sexualrecovery.com

And there's an online treatment program of sorts which you might find helpful since it works very well with sexual addictions. The program is called Recovery Nation (www.recoverynation.com/). You can work the exercises at your own pace in the privacy of your own home if you wish, or you can work with a mentor for a small fee if you'd prefer.

Just a few ideas that might help. And your idea about sharing in A.A. is a good one. It doesn't matter what the addiction is (alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, sex, etc.), the underlying issues are all the same. And these issues can be shared at any Twelve Step meeting to help you stay sober. Hope something here helps. Good luck to you, my friend.

Thanks Charli0217 i actually listened to the Audiobook of "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction" Yesterday. An by doing so i realized how much my addiction had taken over, I had a good day today, hopefuly the first of many :)

Thanks again

Hi Linal,an idea I would like to submit to you to minimise sex addiction is to make a detailed scientific study of the female reproductive parts,their cycles,together with conception,pregnancy ,fetal development and birth of a baby. (get some books from your local library).What I find is my focus has shifted from seeing womens bodies as objects and merely there to give me a sexual release/fantasy to amazing and incredibly complex in their design,rather to be respected and admired,potential carriers of life.Studying the psyche and emotional needs of women will also further change your perception to that of compassion and more protective in it`s nature,when understanding that women are actually fragile,they go through a lot of changes every month,physically and emotionally,they are far far more than just boobs and bumbs.

When seeing a naked women you can actually ask yourself, behind that "smile" on her face,how is she really feeling in her emotions,vulnerable,shy,ashamed,afraid you may be surprised to know.

Hope these ideas may help.

Getting to the bottom of why any addiction is there is key. It gives us answers that will enlighten us, heal us if we let it, and help us progress in recovery and become more healthy. You are very right about needing to look into that. Many here have some great recommendations on books if you'd like to start reading some. I'm glad you have your AA group there for support. And I do hope you find other support from maybe one of the sights Charlie recommended. Glad you're here!

Wolf... I do understand that continuing to have a sexual life while in or after recovery is an option, and for some it's not. I think everyone has to do what's right for them. I, personally, had just not heard of anyone ever choosing not to again. But if that's what works for you, that's great! :)

When I entered recovery I was able to avoid bottom line behaviors. The problem is that 6 months into recovery I became sexually anorexia. This was much trickier than the sex addiction. It took me another 3-4 mo to deal with the anorexia. I still struggle with it.

I agree with Charlie that lifelong abstinence is a calling and in general not a part of healthy recovery.

Sexual Anorexia IS another addiction. It is just the other end of the spectrum. It has a similar mechanism as food anorexia albeit not generally life threatening. And I can see how it can be confused with Sobriety.

Whenever Longhaul comes on this board and tries to normalize pornography and masturbation, we all have come to dispute that view, especially since is so egregious.

Similarly, if someone tries to normalize sexual anorexia, we should dispute it. So I hope you can see Wolfie that if you try to normalize or label total abstinence as normal, I have to dispute it just like I would someone trying to normalize sexual acting out. You may not consider yourself sexually anorexic and you may be right; I see it as a symptom of sexual anorexia. If it is working for you, fine. But a symptom of general sexual health? No.

Aristotle believed that virtue is balance between two extremes and taking any virtue to an extreme becomes vice. Just a thought.

Soberone.

ps: Here is a Sexual Anorexia Screening test. I don't know how accurate it is.

http://www.freedomingrace.com/tests/test4.pdf

i have the same problem. i love to masturbate and watch porn. doesn't hurt anyone. i think with the stars that have gotten into trouble the media makes a big deal out of it. i just enjoy sex a lot.

I am dealing with my H 's internet porn addiction for over 10 years. My husband said that he was not turn on and had not masturbated when watching clips from porn sites. He blame it on using for killing time and boredom, or escape etc. I caught him interested in fetish stuff before. Can I trust him of he is not aroused by that or the statement he made that he was not looking for sexual satisfaction ? I am so confused. By the way, our sex life was considered normal. He either needs it for 2 days in a role or can go without it for one to 2 week. but never have a problem to perform even if sometimes I am the one who initiate , he can do it with no problem. Does this sound ok ? I am miserable now.

I think if one believes that sexual behavior is necessary to life, then it might be considered abnormal to obstain. But, it isn't necessary to life at all. Only necessary to pro-create. I have to think that if sex isn't interesting or fulfilling, then what's the point? And I know that if I don't feel love for someone, then I certainly don't feel a need for sex with them either. Maybe Wolf isn't in love with anyone, so he doesn't feel the need. I know I wouldn't.