Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I have struggled for a few years to really understand the route of my addiction to sex. I've gone through bad relationships and got tired but went back for the sex. I tried the relationship thing again but found my appetite for sexual satisfaction is never truely fulfilled at the end of the day. Relationships dont work because I have to cheat to gain a feeling of sexual high just to feel good for those 2hrs or less. I need to have sex at least 3times for 2hrs and masturbate multiple times just to sleep. People dont really wish to be with me due to this fact , I find myself selling myself out for less. I could have sex with two people back to back same day and not feel anything. Sometimes I just wish I could slow down.
I want help in figuring out how to stop I know my reasons behind the failing relationships and increased sexual desire I just want to be done.
My reasons ;
I was with someone who satisfied me sexually and gave me an emotional high when we were together because my parents can be a bit verbally abusive I find serenity in sex.
The cheating comes with the territory because I am afraid to open myself up and give all of me to someone emotionally and mentally speaking again because I have been used so many times.
I want this to end , I want to be able to have ALOT of sex with ONE person. I've known who that has been but I can't have him because of the heartless and emotionless person I have become. Its hard for me to see him happy and knowing I'm dying to be with him but cant because I'm afraid to change because I think I will get hurt.
Is there anyone who has found a way to stop wanting it with everyone all the time ?
I want help in figuring out how to stop I know my reasons behind the failing relationships and increased sexual desire I just want to be done.
My reasons ;
I was with someone who satisfied me sexually and gave me an emotional high when we were together because my parents can be a bit verbally abusive I find serenity in sex.
The cheating comes with the territory because I am afraid to open myself up and give all of me to someone emotionally and mentally speaking again because I have been used so many times.
I want this to end , I want to be able to have ALOT of sex with ONE person. I've known who that has been but I can't have him because of the heartless and emotionless person I have become. Its hard for me to see him happy and knowing I'm dying to be with him but cant because I'm afraid to change because I think I will get hurt.
Is there anyone who has found a way to stop wanting it with everyone all the time ?
I have been in the same boat myself although the forms of my sex addiction are little different, compulsive masturbation to fantasy sex and occasionally pornography.. I strongly recommend reading some of Patrick Garnes- a pioneer in sex therapy_ books. " out of the shadow, understanding sexual addiction" or " Don't Call Love: Recovery from sexual addiction" . They will help you understand sexual addiction, the core beliefs of the sex addict , and how to recover from it. the books are available and cheap on Amazon.com.
you can also look up websites like Recovery Nation. It is very enlightening.
another good amd a very important step to get help is to participate in the 12 step program for sex and love addicts. if you are unable to go to face to face meetings , you can attend meeting on the phones or online
.http://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/ElectronicMeetings
just remember it's common knolwdge among therapists and recovering addicts, that good intentions alone are not enough. you can't do it alone. you old mental habits, instincts, and a host of other issues be in the family or in culture may work against you. 12 step is a good place to transition from addictive sexuality to healthy meaningful sexuality. good luck to you!
Unlike other drugs you can have sex again after that several month period of abstinence, but it has to be had in a very different way than you are having know. The only way that is going to happen is if you get to the roots of why it is the way it is now. This is where therapy, support groups, journaling, education, etc come in to play. When you combine discovering the nuances of your addiction with abstaining to allow your brain you deprogram/reprogram, you can truly change.
As far as you having "A LOT of sex with one guy" I must say that plan worries me. Having "A LOT" of sex is what got most of us where we are now. I know you really enjoy having sex but sometimes you have to chew your own leg off to get out of a trap.
A slight correction, the author Hope refers to is Patrick Carnes (not Garnes) and his books are indeed enlighting, powerful and helpful. Recovery nation is a good site and saa.org and sa.org can also provide great information including phone groups and in person meetings. I highly recommend finding a group you're comfortable with - ie an SA group - admitedly as a female you may find it difficult to find a group with a number of women, but recognize these meetings represent a safe haven. You may wish to find a sponsor - someone who has been down your path and is there for you to help you get through the difficult times and land safely - they can also assist you in a 12 step program if that is something you wish to pursue.
I wish you the very best of luck Shanese -- you're young and have your entire life to look forward to.
In addition to what others have suggested, I would like to bring up another issue, which was touched upon but not in depth.
The fact that you think (I stress think because in reality you do not, it is actually your perception) that you cannot get enough sex to satisfy you as Borntorun pointed out even after you recover, you'll want A LOT of sex speaks of a serious imbalance in your life, at the moment.
When I was addicted I thought I could not get enough of it, the more I indulged, the more I wanted it and it was never enough, that is the nature of addiction, as it was said, that's why it's called an addiction. However, after I recovered and got sober, I rarely have urges to engage in sexual behavior because my focus is elsewhere, from all about me and my addiction, to the world around me and subsequent responsibilities and healthy habits and pastimes.
But the main point I am trying to make is that perhaps in addiction to a recovery program, you may need to see a therapist to unravel the reason why you need to have that much sex aside from the addiction or you think you'll need a lot of sex after recovery.
Do not get me wrong, sex is healthy but like everything else, it has to be done with moderation. Yet the keyword here is NEED, and whenever you are in need of anything outside of yourself to satisfy you, there is indeed a problem lurking not too far behind.
Just a thought,
Wolf
I suppose in order to really be able to fix those problems I will have to bring myself back into reality as it were I am very far from reality , so injunction with the 12-steps , therapy and psychiatry I will indeed need to begin taking my pills for paranoid Schizophrenia.
Again thank you all. I would love to get to the root of the problem I've skated around for almost 2years