Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
My story started 3 months ago, when I visited the doctor once for back pain. After a quick check, my doctor told me to try massage therapy, as I am facing cumulative stress from setting all the day on a computer desk. I asked for a good therapy and found ad about tahi massage. I went there and I found Thai girls who performs Swedish massage. After the session, I felt great and left, then the pain gone next day.
After two weeks I visited them again, this time the masseuse offered me happy ending massage. It felt excited until it finished, and at the moment she finished ... I felt ashamed, guilty, needy and horrible. And because she did it for money, I feel so cheap and disgusting..
Now I go every week, to get the same service.. Every time I finished.. I try to convince myself that this is the 'last time' and there 'no way back again', but after a week exactly, I can't resist the idea. I have tried to delete their number, to forgot, to set a good self-model.. But it didn't work either.. The worst part besides financial loss, that every time they try to impress you, offering a new fantastic ways of seducing...
I have tried also thinking of a series relationship to get me out of this thoughts and needs, but I can't find suitable options currently, beside I feel marriage or sustainable relationship is too complicated concept for me right now.
Sorry for the long story... But I feel so bad about myself.. How can I quit?
But it did not stop there for me. 12 months later I have been with about 25 different providers of 'adult services', most escorts offering 'the full package'. I have even dwelled in the world of sub/dom, most recently.
Before my first experience with the erotic masseuse, I had paid for webcam sex an enormous amount of times. Before that it was just porn.
My advice would be to meditate, exercise, write down a plan of action for when the desire kicks in, saying to yourself 'I will not get a massage today' again and again may help (that did work for me), and seeing a therapist may help.
Of course this is not an issue I have overcome, but meditating and doing other things that really make me happy (showing love to myself) has made the habit less powerful and less damaging.
What may sound weird is that when I feel bad I picture hugging me when I was a little kid. Though that may sound weird but the bad feelings and core beliefs we have often come from our childhood, things we believe to be true when we were a child arent true anymore. That dark stuff needs to be mended with selflove.
This is a very novel vehicle to acquire a sex addiction, it's complicated you may have to think outside the box sounds like your complicated like many others. :)