Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I never realized i had a problem until i was married. I never saw my habits as bad or unmanageable before because i had no need to reflect on them. Ill start with a little history but not too much. I am currently 30, i was molested when i was 7 by my neighbors, 3 different people. When it was going on i knew that the act shouldn't be happening but they made it seem fun. As a kid i had no idea what they were doing or the impact that it would have through my adult life. As with most bothered kids i was more perceptive to innuendos and more driven. Fast forwarding to my teenage years i became depressed. The mental struggle that i had carried with me manifested itself in the form of nude pictures and Sex by the time i was 20 i had slept with 50 women. Looking back on it im not proud of the amount of people i slept with, it only brings me further into depression because i know that i used them. (i later in life called them all and apologized for doing so) Now i am with my wife. We start our Trial separation. Do i deserve it? absolutely. i don't blame her in the slightest for her decision. She cant stand to be around me for long periods or be close to me. I have slept with 2 women since we have been married and have had pictures sent and received multiple times i am done letting my past control where my future takes me. My wife and kids are my world. I have truly found my soul mate. In fact the reason for the separation is so she can get things back in check and hopefully give me one last shot. She did nothing to deserve this from me. She is the most wonderful and loving woman anyone could have and she chose me. I just want her to know that i am trying to get this thing under control and find healthy alternatives and outlets for my depression. That is when the urge to send and receive/ have Sex come into play. Normally my wife and i have the most wonderful of friendships/relationship. I just hope im not too late in realizing that i really needed help and i couldn't do it on my own. She needs her space and i am going to give it to her. Has anyone went through anything similar? How do you get past being away from your spouse? for me it hurts i constantly struggle with suicidal thoughts which she is aware of and i vent to people if its persistent.. This is the hardest thing i have ever had to do. I don't want to lose my love.
I am no expert on the subject on a professional level but I would strongly recommend that you speak to a therapist who deals with childhood sexual trauma so you can then deal with the sexual addiction the trauma may have brought on.
I think that if you get that issue resolved, you will regain your sense of self and you may not find the need to act out. I realize what I am saying is a daunting suggestion but these issues never go away unless they are dealt with. That much I can tell you.
Hope this helps,
Wolf
i hope you realize that you also need therapy. This is perhaps the kindest thing you can do for yourself after such a traumatic event. Keeping it in without resolution will only work against you.
There is no shame in admitting that we need help. In fact, doing so takes courage and determination and it extremely powerful for the psyche. I went for decades like that and it left me addicted to porn (there were other factor but that was one of them) , therapy did not immediately solve the issue but I used the tools given to me in therapy to overcome the addiction.
Wolf (5 years sober)
I am 11 years sober from similar behavior. Just celebrated 34 years of marriage to the most amazing and wonderful, forgiving woman whom I have hurt deeply. It is possible, but sometimes folks aren't willing to go through the painful struggle. I also have sexual abuse in my past, and I did not even recognize it as abuse until I got into therapy to deal with my problems, and the therapist helped me understand how harmful that experience was to my developing self.
Hang in there. It is a long ride. Look for a therapist who is experienced in treating sexual trauma and if you can find a CSAT therapist, so much the better. CSATs are specially trained in helping folks with sexually compulsive behavior.