No judgement here. We understand. It is good you are seeing a therapist. You can get beyond this.

Thank you so much :) that means a lot

It sounds like you are aware of your issue and taking responsibility for it. It can be a challenge and when you are really ready to stop (and you might not be there yet), your therapists should provide skills and actions for you to take to minimize the temptation. You might want to put a block on your computers, get a dumb flip phone instead of smart phone, and exercise when you are tempted. I hope that helps somewhat, and we are here to support you, no judgements. Hey, we're all fallible people and we can slip into bad behavior, but we can also make changes and rise above it.

Thank you, that does help :) And exercise is actually a great idea, if I can motivate myself to get started lol. I know that it would be a positive distraction too.

Yea, no judgement. Some people are worse off. I don't have advice other than pray and seek some kind of accountability.

Thank you :)

Hrm. Ordinarily I have strong feelings about people cheating, but it sounds to me like you at least recognize you have a problem and are already taking steps to fix it, so I can't judge you too harshly. It's not my place, and besides.... I'd be a hypocrite if I said I never had thoughts of kinky meet ups with new people behind my boyfriend's back. If it's kinky sex you're after, why don't you try asking your husband how he felt about spicing things up? Maybe start small with things like light bondage or light name calling (if that's your thing) and then if he's comfy with it you can suggest other things you do with your other male partners that you'd much rather do with him instead?

Just a thought. Hope the insight helps. I really don't know much at all about bdsm or marriage, seeing as I've never messed with either concept haha.

Aku- thank you for your input. I forgot to mention in my original post, that my husband rarely has sex with me. That’s part of the reason that I went searching for it elsewhere. I’m lucky if he has sex with me a handful of times a year. And I did actually bring up some of my bdsm type of interests to him, and he laughed at me
: ( Not that that makes any of my actions right.

Part of sex addiction is sometimes(not saying this is your case) blame. If you are in a truly sexless marriage and your husband doesnt want to be intimate perhaps he has an issue too? You are at high risk for STI's, or even being killed by one of these random hook ups. Are these men married too? If so you are at a high risk of being caught and outed, which will destroy your life. While my husband never actually met any of the women he was sexting, webcam, calling, sending pics to ...they were married women that were likely sex addicts too. So fast forward a few years after I discovered his addiction by accident. he continued to lie about his actions and i ended up finding an email account that he had thought he deleted...and contacted all these women....all mortified and terrifed ...it isnt worth your life, your marriage and even your children. If your husband found out he could use it to take your kids...Finding out what the root of the issue is key to recovery. You owe it to your marriage, your kids but mostly to yourself. You deserve more then this...

Candycin- you are absolutely right, in that my behavior could result in me losing my husband, my kids, and even my life. I know I need to stop, and it doesn’t make any sense why I keep doing it when so much is at stake. I hate myself for it. I need to get to the root of this problem

Addiction isnt easy...and sex addiction seems to be the hardest to stop. I am glad that you are going to therapy. consider going to a 12 step meeting...my husband ended up screwing up his career and ended up in a 21 day rehab facility ...and got to the root of his porn/sex addiction. In the meantime the damage he had done to our marriage, me and our kids is still there...and honestly it sucks. He is almost 6 years sober, no relapses at all...and in someways our marriage is better then ever but the PTSD and trama i face, the broken relationship with our kids,is brutal. Most, not all sex addicts were tramatized as children. The bdsm isnt even really about the type of sex but from some type of damage you have suffered somewhere. Having reckless sex with strangers will never fill the void you are trying to fill, hence why you keep doing it looking for a different outcome. And every time you are left still feeling empty ...

I've been fortunate with my situation. I was the one sexting and trying to feel baffled elsewhere in my marriage. My wife rarely wants sex and i think i let it get to my head that i had the issue and something was wrong with me. But in reality our libidos are different and my obsessing was a feeling of not be desired or wanted. I felt inferior in every aspect. I have recently come to realize this is the vote of my problem. Looking for anything to fill the void that i myself had created. Primarily financially i feel like i wasnt doing enough. Now that I'm facing legal issues and medicated for depression i see that i had everything i wanted all along and that we were all happy. I'm blessed that my wife is understanding that i have an issue mentally and am currently seeing a therapist and realizing that the void is slowly dissipating. I'm still likely going to have to be on lifetime supervision and have a felony but with the love and support of my family, i can beat this and be better for myself and everyone around me. Lean on people you trust and those you can confide in. Find your triggers and and see what you can do to get to the root of the problem. If the marriage is an unhappy one, end it and keep things civil for the sake of the kids. Not all marriages are meant to last. Better to separate from unhappiness than have things ruined because of no self control