Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I have been struggling with an addiction for a very long time. It was something that started when I was in middle school, and was pretty much controlled during that time just because of being monitored by my mom. Once I went away to college, things got heavy and out of hand.
I started watching porn almost everyday atleast once to the point were I would not even go to classes. I became very shameful of it yet very happy over it just because as a gay man from a very religious background porn and sex in general was always a outlet for me to take back control over myself without being told who I was.
That feeling of freedom became to much to handle after while and it lead me to become ver promiscuous. Now it being about 10 yrs since graduating from highschool, i still view porn atleast once a day. I often think about sex, and lust even though I try challenging those thoughts. It almost feels as if Im no longer in control of my sex life like I once did when i was fresh out of highschool, i havent had a successful relationship to date that I felt like i could trust the other person but it was typically due to my own infidelity and now looking back on it havent had a healthy sexual relationship with any of my partners. Coming from a sexually abusive childhood I know that porn can play an ugly part in a bad upbringing for impressionable minds. I often dream of having a family and a real, trusting relationship.
So in order to insure my future is bright, I have placed myself in therapy which i have been in for about 3 years now. I'm moving toward going back to school to finish my degree, and I eventually i want to get to a place where I can meet a person that wants to be in a solid relationship with me as much as I do him. To start a family of my own, and a future with true promise. Porn doesn't really play apart in any of these changes I'm making. It scares me to be 100% i have been upfront with my family and my ex who was my bestfriend. I'm scared that i won't get back to a place where i dontbhave to think about all the consequences of how porn can ruin the mind, but i know that it is just anxiety. I can continue to stay grounded with some help! The more the merrier, I need support. Because I have big dreams and I can feel in my heart of hearts that they are destined to come true. But I can't do it alone.
I am with you - I can't do it alone either. Like you my use of porn started young, and increased in college, and now I try not to kick myself over wasted time, but instead try to recognize what I can gain by correcting my path now.
Keep it up. Don't listen to the lies and negative self-talk, the doubts and fears - they will only hold you back! That's been my biggest struggle as well - the temptation to keep my struggles and failures hidden from view. It gets in the way of healing!
Learn who you are without sex,
The only way to be in a healthy relationship is to be able to learn about others without sex.
Learning to love yourself first, to forgive yourself first is important.
taking the 90 day nofap challenge to purge your system helps greatly few survive the first 90 days the first few times.
good luck and keep working it and reading
I'm not gay, but that does not matter in regards to the heart does it?
i too would like to have a actual loving relationship as well. Set up house--yeah man. I always seem to objectify my potential mates,sexually, and that does not seem to work! I've always objectified, and have always been the one that ends up jerking off to porn. So empty!!
I don't know what u figure but if I masturbate using only my imagination and i'm doing it because i'm ready to explode. after getting turned on by my adored, I dont have that feeling of emptiness quite so bad.
All the best
Congrats on all the self realization and taking the steps to change. Stick with the therapy, persevere. You're not alone.