You took the words right out of my mouth. That's why I'm on this site now. Just hoping for help.

I empathize with you both. I've been there and felt the same way many times in my life. Let not your heart be troubled, God can help like he's helped millions of others before you. A couple of important questions to consider. Are you attending a local SA, SLA, Celebrate Recovery group? Do you have a sponsor? Are you working the steps and their advice daily? If you really want to change, it starts with lots of meetings.

At first, you will just have to bring your body to the groups if you want to go or not. Even if you're still struggling and you acted out that same day... still go and listen to others share their testimonies. We fight against our flesh and the flesh wants all the comforts of this world... all the food, sugar, spending, sleeping, good feelings, porn, sex, etc. When we give into the flesh, we are thinking it will eventually get filled up and become full and satisfied but we learn that it's never full. In fact, the more we feed it, the more it wants from us. So part of the way out of this mess our flesh has got us into, is to understand when we are talking, what part of us we are talking from (flesh or spirit). Are we talking from our spirit or our flesh at any given point in time? You're posting appears to be from your spirit... your higher and wiser self. If you ask your spirit if it wants to attend a group to get well it will be happy to say yes but if you ask your flesh if it wants to go to a recovery group... well we know what the answer will be - heck no, I'm afraid, it's uncomfortable, everybody will know, the world will fall down on me.

Follow your heart (spirit) and you will get free but be patient, it will take a while to reverse something that has been in motion for a long time. For some, it will take years of daily working a program, for other decades to counteract the lifetime of garbage we've digested in our imaginations. In my case, it's taken about a decade to get me to a stable place. Over this last summer, I acted out only 2 days out of 120 days... before recovery, I was flip-flopped - I would have acted out every day (118 days) and lucky to be clean 2 days. It's about progress and not perfection. Each time we fall we can learn something from it. For me, I fell over the summer because I forgot how important it was that I never go to bed angry for when I do, my flesh becomes king and it can justify about anything when it feels entitled. If it's late at night now and I'm frustrated about something, I'll starve my flesh until I get it resolved, I'll call guys from the group, and ask for prayer. Thank God it's been working for me. You'll find your own guidance from God as you let him lead you out of the struggle. There is hope. I prayed for you both. God speed. Get to group:)

Thank you for you kind words. I'm looking for a local group, just haven't had any luck yet.

@Rcbj90 Porn addiction is really dangerous..porn addiction destroys your brain.. it really affects your relationships..or even it can lead to sexual dysfunctions..there's a website and community forum called "nofap.com" that serves as a support group for people who wish to avoid pornography and masturbation....there are a lot of people like you...hope it will help you.