I know that the amount of porn that I watch has taken a serious negative toll on my relationship. However, when looking for support groups all I found were 12 step groups. As someone who is atheist (mostly because I grew up in a very conservative household where I never had a choice to accept anything besides my parents own beliefs), I find it incredibly difficult to join these groups to seek help.

I then came across this article:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/porn-addiction

And I began asking myself a lot of questions. I have been seeing a therapist, where I have opened up about being abused as a child by another man, and being uncomfortable with my own sexuality, with anything having to do about sex coming from two extremes from my separated parents. My father showed me pornography as young as 7-8, and actively pushed me to have sex as young as 12-13, while my mother said that any type of premarital sex is a gateway to indecency and a path to hell. Because of this, I have watched porn every day since I can remember, and have had sex with almost 100 (mostly) women, but including men, and people who identify with other genders.

My therapist recommended seeking a support group, but after reading this article I am left asking; is seeing porn or masturbating immoral? Or am I just feeling that it is immoral because of my past? Unlike most people in this group I don't feel an empty hole or guilt when performing these sex acts, but I do feel remorse in the fect that it has taken up time from my work and affected my relationship.

Ultimately, I am left asking myself... What is the difference between being addicted to porn and having some other sort of mental health issue that manifests itself into becoming hypersexual? My therapist said that because of my abuse in the past that she would expext me to have PTSD, however, instead of being disgusted by sex it is the only thing I can thing about 24 hours a day. Could it be that I have depression and anxiety and that as a coping mechanism I just watch porn and sext?

And yet, another article that looked at:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/202003/when-does-pornography-use-become-problematic

shows these strong correlations of guilt and immorality from being hypersexual with religion. I know that to each individual what constitutes as a "sex addiction" may vary, but could it be that maybe if you're a sex addict, that you can still love and hope and have a relationship with someone? Or that if you know or are with someone who you think is a sex addict that maybe they can still love and want to be with you and maybe just need to express their sexuality in a healthier way?

Ultimately, I know that I need to watch less porn, and that I need to stop sexting people online, because it affects the one person in the world that I love most. But should it mean that I stop trying to experiment in bed? Or stop having fantasies when I have sex with her? She tells me that her biggest worry is that I would leave her for someone I talk to online, but while I know that would never happen, how can I show this without becoming more depressed and losing all of my sex drive from feeling the guilt I do now because of how its affected our relationship?

I know I won't find all my answers here, but from all of these posts that I have read, I see people struggling with not only what they consider to be a "sex addiction" but maybe perhaps their sexuality as well/instead. Maybe it is because I am not religious, but I don't see masturbating or hooking up with someone as something with negative consequences, unless it is something that is hurting those that you love.

Sorry for the long post, I'm just very conflicted about a lot of these things and want to have a healthy sexual relationship.