Dont abuse yourself.

Its not worth it. Were all going through hard times. Im here if you need a friend. I can’t always respond right away. But i will respond.

Thanks, I promise I won’t, you helped me. Evening time is the most difficult. God bless you. And yes you are right it’s not worth it.

joeybman
Maybe a curfew is the right way to go.
Because its always at night when the urge is the hardest.I for one try not to be alone during the day. And if I do turn out to be alone night,I would be asleep.

Thanks yes I do need to avoid situations where I am home alone. In the past it starts with a little naughty thoughts then the clothes come off then I go through with sexually abusing myself. Then the exact same result every time, horror and shame and wondering if I will ever break free. It’s a well documented cycle I found on the internet. When I saw it I was like OH My God thats me!!! Now it’s out there and I am exposing it and talking about it and fighting it. With help. Thanks

Curfew sounds great thank you for whoever wrote that. This is exactly what I need.

There is hope:) It sounds like a familiar cycle with me too. Sometimes I'm blended with the inner child that carries all the shame. Then a managerial part of me tries to take control, but has no self control, finally another part takes me out of the feelings by disassociating from all the feelings. Like a mental flush and then I'm right back into being blended with the shame again. I've found the only way out is with God's help. If I'm not calling out to God to help me a dozen times or more a day then I'm trying to rely on myself too much and I already know my will is too weak to win that fight. Yes little safeguards will help a little but even still without God's help I've found it just brings about the inevitable.