Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
My husband just admitted to me that he does not want to stop. He just flat-out told me he wants a divorce. He told me that he would like to just leave me outside in the cold and go on with his life. He said that if he has to give up something he loves (the porn) then so do I (cigarettes). So, another marriage has been lost due to the pornography. I will be moving out in the morning. All I wanted was for him to stop because it was hurting our marriage. All I wanted to do was save what we used to have. But it has come to the point where I have realized that there is nothing worth saving if he feels nothing for me anymore. If he doesn't love me, what am I fighting for? It's a lost cause, and I cannot deal with it any longer. He said what he said just to get me to shut up. It was all just another way for him to have an excuse to look at it. I got so stressed that I had a cigarette. So, right now he is on his computer, looking at porn. My heart is broken into more than a million pieces.
He also told me that the men on here are just looking to "hook up" with lonely, hurt, and vulnerable women. He refuses to believe that anyone would want to stop looking at porn. He thinks it's all just a way for men to trick women into having sex with them. He says that any man who has talked to me on here just wants to sweet talk me into meeting them in person so that they can f@%# me.
I know that's not true.
He also told me that the men on here are just looking to "hook up" with lonely, hurt, and vulnerable women. He refuses to believe that anyone would want to stop looking at porn. He thinks it's all just a way for men to trick women into having sex with them. He says that any man who has talked to me on here just wants to sweet talk me into meeting them in person so that they can f@%# me.
I know that's not true.
I was so pulling for you adn this problem! I had read several post by you saying that the hubby had read this post or another and I had high hopes things would be better!!!!!
Where are you going?
'He also told me that the men on here are just looking to "hook up" with lonely, hurt, and vulnerable women. He refuses to believe that anyone would want to stop looking at porn. He thinks it's all just a way for men to trick women into having sex with them. He says that any man who has talked to me on here just wants to sweet talk me into meeting them in person so that they can f@%# me." Ummmm just curious, isn't that what he is doing? If I were you, I would feel very very sorry for him that he has to stoop to the level of "hooking up" with lonely, hurt and vulnerable women. even if he isn't physically with them, it would certainly be desirable if the truth were known! That is all porn is, right...a bunch of lonely, hurt, vulnerable, broken, damaged women? Otherwise why would women that felt self-worth, self-respect and healthy feel the need to share ALL of themselves? Just consider yourself fortunate to not have to be seen by him in this light anymore. Because that is what he is doing to you. Sorry to be blunt, but you are waaaay better than that! I pray you find strength, and am very sorry you are being so hurt by him! Regardless of "why" he said what he said, sometimes the truth comes out in the heat of the moment, ya know? Cigarettes ARE, ummmm WAAAAY different than porn--hello? he is just trying to bring you to his lever, where YOU ARE NOT! Don't let him pull you into his darkness! Again, praying for you!
As for my porn addiction, well, i have never attempted to hide that from either of my former spouses. Neither of them ever asked me to get rid of it and if they had, i would've refused. I told my stbx when she asked why, i said that my sexuality is part of who i am.
I also never used the porn INSTEAD of sex with either of them. If they said they wanted it, they got it !
Anyhoo, i'm sorry for your husbands problem. Also doing right in front of you is completely disrespectful as well. Hope everything works out.
I am so sorry you got this response from your husband. But I can assure you I am a man who is here to help by sharing my story and if you and I were ever to see each other you would think I was polite but distant because I am working hard not to engage in any emotional way with anyone other than my wife. I say this to give you a glimps of hope that men are not all lost; I would not give my marriage up for sex with you or any porn picture I have ever seen. I say this sober, after having broken my vows to my marriage. My beautiful sweet wife I dearly love and I are different as a result, but lies no longer fit into our marriage, and the trust that engenders is far deeper and more satisfying than any sexual gratification I could get from porn, masterbating or sex with someone I barely know.
Your husband is lost in an addiction or he is a sociopath. If he has a heart, then at some point he will begin to break as well and he will realize that hopelessness and maybe death is the only result and actually the goal of any addiction. I believe that addiction is what paul was describing in 2 cor 12 when he said "the thron in his flesh" this "messenger from satan" primarily wants us to be seperated from God. And if he can deceive us into isolation and destroying our own lives, relationships, and thinking sex or anything else is the most important thing in our lives, he wins without having to try to kill us. But his intent is to drag us off and kill us if that is what will seperate us from God.
The very unfortunate thing for you is that as your husband digressed to his "rock bottom" you may, and sound like you will likely loose in the wake of his self distruction. But unfortunately and however painfully, you actually have no control of what he does. You may have some influence, but it is ultimately not in your control. What you can do is set boundaries, get support to build yourself up, and surround yourself with women, especially older christian women who serve. They will begin to show you that you are loveable and desreve the love you are asking from your husband.
Good luck.
Thank you for helping me understand your struggles, and i wish you continued strength in both your journeys.
MelindaG i see this is an old thread, i hope things have turned around for you.