honestly probably not. This addiction is brutal and he will continue to lie and access it until he truly wants to stop the behavior. You are right porn addiction generally will be the beginning stages of sex addiction and chances are there are many many things you know nothing about. Since you cant control him, or make him stop all you can do is tell him how it makes you feel and what you want and he either will choose help or not....if not you have to decide what is more important living in this type of marriage or getting out. Every person and situation is different.

I am a recovering porn and sex addict and I agree totally with Candycin. The first step in any addiction program is for the addict to admit he has a problem. Unless he recognizes that for himself he can't begin the recovery process. I know for me it was when I realized that the little hobby that I thought I had, actually had me! If he can get to the point of realizing he can't control it himself and needs help then there are some things you can do to help him and be support for him in the recovery process. Here are some great tips I found for those that have a spouse that are trying to break free from the grip of porn and recover from a porn or sex addiction. I hope you find these helpful.

1. REMAIN COMPASSIONATE.
It can be easy to assume that if your partner really loves you and wants to be truly intimate with you, then abstaining from porn would be easy. This is not the case. Research shows that the sexual imagery can have an effect on your brain that is comparable to cocaine. As the partner of someone struggling to let go of porn, its crucial that you try to see the other persons perspective. Understanding the addictive nature will help to cultivate compassion for your love as they quit.

2. DONT POLICE THEM.
Its not your job to police your partner or be their avoidance partner. Nevertheless, I do find it helpful when my wife asks me more generally how I am doing. By showing that she cares and giving me the space to either talk about the struggle or not, I feel safer opening up to her. Reinforce this by letting them know that you appreciate them having told you, and by not being upset with them for having been triggered. What they do after that is up to their own self-control and motivation, but knowing that you are in their corner will help immensely.

3. STAY INFORMED.
The movement of people who want to give up porn is growing strong. In Time Magazines recent feature, Porn: Why Young Men who Grew up with Internet Porn Are Becoming Advocates for Turning It Off, we see that many men (and women) are becoming advocates for quitting porn because they have firsthand experience of the damage that porn does to their brain. Today, there are also a number of support groups, Reddit pages, and other tools at your partners disposal. For a website with a ton of great resources for your struggling partner, visit: http://www.mymensgroup.net

4. BE ACTIVE WITH THEM.
Their temptation will be at its highest when sitting at home alone, mindlessly searching the Internet, with seemingly nothing better to do. This is similar to leaving an alcoholic alone at a bar. You cant be with your partner every moment (nor should you), but if you know there are certain days or times where they are accustomed to unproductive downtime, plan intentional and purposeful time with one another.

5. DONT ACT AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PORN.
Do not alter your own romantic life to act as a substitute for porn. You may be tempted to become a substitute for porn in any physical intimacy you have with your partner. In particular, they may ask you to do something more adventurous, so that they are less tempted to watch porn. The reality is that it would be reinforcing damaging behavior.

Good luck to you both as you journey down this recovery road. I'm making a bold prediction that he will get to that point and want to break the addiction. Remember...it's about progress. Not perfection!

I truly struggle with being honest about my porn addiction only because it seemed in the past that whenever I talked to my ex-wives they would rip me a new one, one gave me an ultimatum that the next time I watched porn she would divorce me, I lasted for a few months gave in, she filed for divorce the next month, that was very painful made me feel like a total failure in life, consequently I dove deeper into the addiction, I wasn't able to stop until I wanted to, even today though I have relapses, my new wife put no pressure on me, showed me unconditional love, she's never threatened me with divorce, I can trust her with my deepest feelings, it was that kind of love and support that helped me overcome the addiction.

I haven't put pressure on him this time I was very casual and relaxed the way I dealt with it to his face. I am internalizing all my pain. I am frustrated with the lying. He truly doesn't seem to realize that I know he is back into it. I found out when he had accidently liked a porn page on his business twitter account. Because we are in a busy marketing season with family friendly events I had to say something to him. I brought it up casually in a business manor and he seemed very receptive. Then I asked if he was back into everything and he got vey mad, defensive, and just emotionally pushed me away. We do not have sex, I want to but he can't. -he is physically able to but is unable to maintain with me. This is what happened before when he was heavily into it. My emotions are coming out at different times -little stupid things make me become very angry. He asked me the other night what he can do to make me happy and I couldn't bring myself to just say- STOP LYING.

I decided that I need counseling and if I am going to live in this situation I just need to let it all go. It is bad enough I have an extremely stressful job and I am under a lot of extra stress in my life.

Glad to read that you are seeking therapy for yourself. Letting it all go isnt really healthy though, that sounds to me that you will just live there and allow your marriage boundaries to be broken over and over again. There are great resources around codependency ..alot of spouses of sex/porn addicts suffer with this. (its like addicts can pick us out) You deserve to be truly happy within this marriage or out of it...There are great life coaches that you can work with that have experience in this area. If you are interested send me a PM i can send you the info with the life coach i worked with that helped me. She works through calls, email, even texting...

he's hiding this because he is ashamed himself. If he wasn't ashamed we wouldn't go to such lengths to hide it. If he is not ready to stop then there is nothing that is going to make him stop. as a porn addict myself I can attest that there are many levels of addiction. its starts with tame porn, then its dark / dirty porn, then if it continues long enough it enters your personal life and you want to "join in". If you love him you should be there for him, not trying to be his mother or the police. talk to him about it honestly and be understanding and he will open up to you.

Jackof duty....in a perfect world just simplying asking a sex addict and getting him to open up would be wonderful. Sadly it doesn't happen often. This addiction a wrapped in secrecy and lies and at the root is shame and guilt. A spouse has every right to create healthy boundaries and consequences. A spouse shouldn't be a mother or police to an addict but as relational betrayal is the worst type of betrayal a spouse can't only support an addict ...and for sure not support an addict that is still acting out....once we know of the behavior boundaries have to be put in place..if not we are causing us yo be stick in more trauma. Spouses of sex addicts suffer greatly from trauma..ptsd..depression and even health issues. Love isn't enough ..we love our spouses and addicts that are in recovery and sober will say that they are the lucky ones that had a wife willing to try. Most wives leave. To say if you love him you will support him is unfair. As unfair if I was to say if you love your wife you wouldn't have a sex addiction. It takes alot of strength for the addict to get help..get sober..get in recovery..work on rebuilding his marriage..none of that can or will happen until the addict stops the behavior. It takes a lot of strength for a spouse to get help..support..stay in the marriage..work on the rebuilding the marriage..learn to trust again...in order for her to do that the addict has to stop the behavior. JATO7 husband is still lying...acting out..still holding onto his addiction..and in the meantime hurting everyone around him.

Jat -just want to say I hear you and you're not alone in this. My h of 21 years is also back at it. I was on this board in 2009-2010 and just now finding myself needing the support of these discussions again. It's been a painful week but I'm trying to remember everything I learned years ago... such as: I control how I feel about myself... its between me and God... I'm not controlled or impacted by my h's porn. I'm stronger than this addiction... it can't control me like it does him, or bring me down. I can experience joy, love, compassion, community connections and an ever expansive heart and spirit in my daily life despite everything that's happening. My life is bigger than this. I hope and pray for healing but if that never comes then oh well it's out of my hands...

I think that divorce can be a stressful thing. Losing your house just doesn't seem to be an option, we are in object slavery, in that sense. I often have thought about splitting up with my father, but I think about the other options and they don't seem so great.

I have been a bit of a pornography user myself, today I had a mini-relapse, you can read my post about. It was the first in quite a long while. I think that admitting to pornography use is tough because it is humiliating. I know there are those people who will relentlessly lie, deceiving maybe themselves even. That is sort of what I had thought about my parents at quite a few times. I guess I just need to get better health so that I can live more independently in the future.

thanks

So sorry that your life has been so affected by his behavior Jat. Betrayal, lying, etc is no recipe for enjoying life. Thing is, that you may well have to determine if the loss of "things" like a house, is more important than peace of mind. I know that it takes a lot of energy to change our environment so drastically. Sometimes, for peace of mind and any enjoyment in life, it must be done. You'll have to evaluate which is more important to you, a house, or, the possibility of some peace. There is no easy way I know of to ditch what has become a miserable existence. But, sometimes, it is well worth the effort it takes...however much that is. As far as living with him and finding peace with such behavior as he displays, I don't believe that is ever possible.