Great question.

I can only give an opinion, so here goes. I don't think you are wrong for what you like, I do think it is the product of sexual addiction to think purposeful sex includes humiliation. It's hard to argue love is the source of humiliation, I know when humiliation is included in my acting out, it includes some sort of rebellion at a God who I was told hated me for unknown reasons.

Humiliation also played a role because I had self-hatred at my inability to be spiritual or stop my compulsions on my own. I thought since I couldn't be spiritual, became "evil", and couldn't do a darn thing about my compulsion sexually, I must be punished because all of it was proof that God hated me for being a sexual addict.

Today I think the complete opposite, and I know God loves me for who I am, understands I was born with a compulsion to not contain sexual impulse and enjoy an abusive agenda towards myself, I found that I have a faulty belief system that thinks horribly of myself, due from exaggerated guilt, outside abuse I did nothing to receive as a child on purpose, and a major approval of rebellion.

The SAA literature helped me tremendously because it detailed some defects we as sex addict put faith in, that when looked at honestly, really make life unbearable at times. For instance do you ever feel an overwhelming need to control things, a powerful desire to control? Do you ever think you deserve to be served or are entitled to what you want when you want it? Do you ever think you are royalty and a peasant at the same time? Do you react negatively when another might indicate to yourself selfishness is the problem? Do you often find yourself jealous out of nowhere? Are you envious of others, do you want to be dominated or dominate at any time, not just sexually? Can being angry at someone or something ruin the entire day for you when at the beginning of the day everything was going smoothly? Do you see nothing wrong with greed, and again, think you are entitled to greed when others need to share? How much do you believe hate to be acceptable? What are your thoughts on love and other's being gentle with you psychologically and physically?

The problem for me as a sex addict is I react extremely negative to reality, for instance I think being abused and controlled sexually by a group of women is a good solution to having a hard time in the world. I think it is safe to say that is not as solution orientated in a healthy manner as say taking a nice walk in a park or treating myself to a delicious meal or getting some exercise. So I have the illness of uncontrollable compulsion, matched with an absolute lack of willpower to deny the compulsion, driven by a selfishness, controlling, entitled, and angry energy to cope with reality. Underneath all of that is a sense of rebellion coming from a belief, a false belief, that God hates me. The abuse comes after that because irrationally I think if God hates me, I might as well hate myself and find pleasure, again not able to fully cope with reality on my own, by allowing others just as selfish and abuse orientated as myself to abuse me, thinking the whole time there is nothing wrong with abuse!

Nobody deserves humiliation, the illness has an agenda to deceive us into thinking we aren't worthy of anything else but humiliation, if we remember that nobody is born to be humiliated, the door opens to consider other types of relief that doesn't require humiliation, because when looked at clearly, all humiliation compounds problems, it makes matters worse emotionally and it is a short term solution to a chronic problem of selfishness and inadequate spirituality.

That was the case for me, so I hope you ask for spirituality, and also ask for God to let you know who it wants you to understand it to be, I am willing to bet a true God wishes not for you to be humiliated, and false gods and the illness of sexual addiction (the pathetic beast it is) is limiting the real power God wants you to accept and understand.

Start by reading the SAA book if you'd like, you're ego might not like it, but the more you go against what the ego advises, the less power the ego is given, and eventually the ego is exposed as the spoiled brat who has a destiny of being ignored as a conclusion. Good job for asking for help and reaching out, I've said it before, 97 out of 100 people with this problem don't take the small step of reaching out for the message to grab hold of them, and a person who uses the courage to do so is very admirable and should be commended.

Have a great day.

god aside......I think what you like is what you like, plain and simple. I guess it could just be called a fetish right? Has it adversely affected your relationships or ability to function ok out of the bedroom?

I believe you were created to love and be loved -- to be cherished, not humiliated. No man deserves you who wouldn't lay down his very life for you, who wouldn't honor you above all other people and forsake all others for you.

The question I think you should ask is why you would rather be humiliated than cherished. Perhaps some part of you doesn't feel worthy of being cherished; perhaps you weren't treated as someone worth cherishing in your past. Perhaps you feel guilt over mistakes you've made, or maybe it is a combination of these things. I would encourage you to consider counseling to address that part of you that things you deserve humiliation. You were created for much greater things.