Lots of addicts do the 90 day reboot ..so no porn, masturbation or sexual activity with their spouse for 90 days. It will help reboot the brain from thinking about sex, porn, etc ...and clear the mind in order to make room for healthy sexual connections with your wife. The site yourbrainonporn.com explains the process through short videos...helpful for both you and your wife to understand the reboot. i highly suggest it for a few reasons. (i am the spouse of a recovery sex addict...3 years sobriety) First there is scientific proof that porn creates pathways in your brain ..unhealthy pathways in order to reach orgasm. There is also the through that your brain creates addiction at whatever you see at the moment of orgasm, ingrained on your brain. So for sex/porn addicts its the porn star, scene, etc. You want to create new paths but in order to do that you need to give your brain time to clear the old. Therapist will also often suggest the 90 day reboot because addicts often use their spouse as a masturbation tool. Let me explain...you arent watching porn, or masturbating but having sex with your wife as a means to end...also you stated that having sex with her "makes it easier to avoid porn" this tells me that the actual act of having sex with your wife is being used as a tool to reach orgasm..not about having healthy sexual connections. That is one of the goals in recovery in this addiction. Also (and i was guilty of this after discovery of my husbands addiction) spouses often feel like its our fault...so we go into hypersex..where we think we can be the cure..if we have more sex with our spouses, change things up, do things we might not want to do. Perhaps thinking that if we had been more (whatever) he wouldnt have to watch porn. This is very normal with spouses but not healthy at all. So if you decide to do the reboot, talk to your wife, tell her what you have learned...make a deal not to be sexual for 90 days (that includes masturbation and sex with her) It will help you develop healthy connections with her. Learning to be intimate without sex is a huge challenge for addicts but so worth it. When my husband went to inpatient treatment for sex addiction he had to sign a contract saying he do the reboot...it was tough at times for him, for me too...but so worth it. After the 90 days if you still are thinking about porn etc you may want to add another 30 days...when you resume being sexual with your wife there are things you can do to ensure that you are connected emotionally..keep the lights on so you can see each other(this will help you stay focused on your wife and not fantasize) maintain eye contact (at the moment of ejaculation) this will help your brain see your wife and create those paths in your brain with your wife not porn.

My experience is as follows...
I am powerless over addictive sexual behavior. For me, that means that I FAILED at every attempt of quitting - otherwise I wouldn't consider myself powerless. I am agnostic and had to be beaten down by failure after failure before I was ready to accept a spiritual solution.

For me, sex addiction isn't the real problem. The real problem is that I don't know how to adapt to life. Sexually acting out was my solution to the difficulties of life.

By following the 12 steps, I have a roadmap on how to deal with daily trials. I have a new solution. I don't have to rely on selfish sexual behavior.

Therein lies my answer. For me, porn, masturbation - anything sexual that was done selfishly was my maladaptive solution. However, sex the way it was meant to be - as a part of a meaningful connection with someone that you have a loving connection with - that is not selfish. It still feels good, it still releases endorphins...but in my experience, it doesn't lead to the drive to continue acting out sexually.

I recommend heeding Candycin's advice, as she knows what she's talking about. She helped me on my journey to recovery which is now about 30 months.

Variableknife..so happy to hear I helped you...you too were a big help when dealing with issues ...I always think this addiction is too much wrapped in solitude and aloneness ..and for spouses hiding and feeling alone too..in recovery for both the addict and the spouse surrounding each with compassionate understanding people is part of the healing recovery journey.