Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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Asics 07/30/2009

I have been addicted to pornography for as long as I can remember. I keep coming back to it, it's lifeless promises I listen to when I'm tempted. I've never had a real woman. All of my fantasies, etc I think keep me from that esp. with images. I just don't know how to give it up. I have been in 12 step meetings for about 1 year now they help considerably at times, but I keep returning to my old friend (which really isn't a friend at all). I'm very lonely. I don't connect well with others and I'm in my head often even despite efforts of trying to connect. I'd prefer death to these feelings some times. It's like living in a dream world. I'm much afraid and scared of my future. Though I haven't committed sex crimes I fear that I am doomed to loneliness for the rest of my life (I'm 28 btw) so I know I'm being a bit dramatic as well. Poronography seems to fill the void temporarily but then I depsair and realize it doesn't do s*it for me.

deleted_user 07/31/2009

Don't give up hope. You don't really mention much about where you are at with recovery, but by obviously you have come here for a reason. You know that you have a problem and you are out of control. That is a VERY GOOD first step! You are seeking out help and support too. That's difficult!

Give yourself some credit for how huge a leap that is from where you have been in the past when you lived in denial!

So what is your plan? Where are you going to get HELP? Real life help? How are you going to get from where you are to where you want to be?

susumu 07/31/2009

Brother! Hope is the only thing you cant lose in all this. I too have been addicted. I have acted on the temptations. I have gone places and done things I never dreamed I would do. When I think of my past, it makes me sick. When I think of whereI am now it does the same. But I know that I can overcome it. I know its hard to believe, but think back to the times in your life when you were clean. When you were able to beat the urges. YOU OVERCAME. I'm not the best example because after all the issues, I still struggle. But I too know that I have been able to overcome. Pray for strength. I dont know if you are religious at all, but I know- through my horrible addiction even - that God can make us free. If we plead with him to take away this addiction, and we do it with sufficient faith, we can do it. Together. I feel ya man. I wish I could help. Be strong. Dig deep.

Asics 07/31/2009

Thanks for your comments! I can relate to your story very much susumu and thank you for the encouragement. There was someone that once said that if you are walking through hell, keep walking. Giving up hope doesn't make any sense when I think about it logically and boy I sure don't want to go down the places my addiction has taken me down again either. I am a spiritual person but not a religious one. When I surrender to God I get grace. But then I get back in my head and screw up his grace. Anyway this is something that I'm probably going to be dealing with the rest of my life. I don't know if I'll ever see sex as a gift or a wonderful thing again. All I see it as is evil and corrupt. Then again, I'm pretty double minded about things so I need to work on that as well.

deleted_user 08/01/2009

What 12 step program are you attending ?
Have you worked the steps?
Where are you located?

Asics 08/03/2009

I am located near Seattle, yeah I have done 12 step meetings for a while. Lately I've been struggling with maintaining objectivity and hope with this illness along with the obsessive compulsive illness that goes along with this.

deleted_user 08/03/2009

Hi Asics,

I would recommend you also consider doing trauma therapy. Most certified sex therapists are familiar with doing family of origin work. Even if you were not abused, relational trauma is very subtle and may require a deft therapist. You can call 800-meadows and ask referral to a therapist in your area or go to http://www.sexhelp.com/find_csat.cfm
and do a search.

By the way, much of the non-sexual OCD also improves with trauma therapy.

Good luck.

Soberone

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