Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
Ahh jesus.. this weekend I realized I'd gotten all I could from the world of porn, and it no longer was doing anything for me other than wasting my bloody time... 2 hours a day average probably... but at the worst moments to give it, ie when the stress is most, ie my real work is getting done (!)
Furthermore after breaking up with my ex about a year ago I can see my love of porn has morphed into a love of ME... as if i'm spending nights at home with myself (!) Hey, I'm good company, but not -that- good. I have so isolated myself that my perpetually absent-ex has been looking like someone who was always there for me.
Finally, and perhaps this is where it got out of control, I'm on ADD medication and tend to pop a few extra sometimes JUST to watch pornography, much like I used to do in my 20's with cocaine.
I've battled a lot of things, and some I've won. To be honest, pornography does not seem too hard a nut to crack (no pun intended) compared to crack addiction, tinnitus, and losing my brother at age 44.... so we'll see how it goes... but i came here instead of hitting the porn sites, knowing that i'd just spent 3-4 hours last night watching porn. How much porn can a guy watch? Apparently a lot. The internet with it's myriad of women/ethnics/body shapes... well that just makes it all the more endlessly salacious. My problem is not with hardcore material, it's mostly women naked, stripping, alone, solo... their beauty to me feels like god himself is blessing me with momentary enlightenment... for how in the earth can humans who look so close to myself and my gnarly buddies somehow be so f@#$@# gorgeously irresistably impossibly beautiful?! It continually boggles my mind how much my eyes love to take in naked women.
I've had a lot of issues over the years due to this... back to when i was a kid... the stories, endless... even at 16 i was trying to get my neighbor to get naked for me, her father showed up one day after a few months in her window and tried to molest me for the next year or so, to no avail. Luckily i was already old enough it didn't affect me in any psychological way, and to this day I sorta feel bad i didn't give the poor dude even the smallest thrill hehehe but that's just a porno addict feeling bad for another perhaps.
Anyhow i haven't read any of this forum yet.. i wanted to confess my situation before i just closed the browser tab and opened up a video porn tube site in another tab. But i hope to get to know some of your stories and situations, and what you've managed to do to stay off the porn.
I will say having a girlfriend cuts my usage down to 20% of what it is otherwise.. however what i do it transfer that energy into her and ultimately demand way, way, way too much sex from anyone who is not a complete addict like myself. And i get resentful is she doesn't comply.
Any comments or help would be appreciated. Is there a way for me to block porn from my PC on myself? Not that i think that is the most mature solution....
Furthermore after breaking up with my ex about a year ago I can see my love of porn has morphed into a love of ME... as if i'm spending nights at home with myself (!) Hey, I'm good company, but not -that- good. I have so isolated myself that my perpetually absent-ex has been looking like someone who was always there for me.
Finally, and perhaps this is where it got out of control, I'm on ADD medication and tend to pop a few extra sometimes JUST to watch pornography, much like I used to do in my 20's with cocaine.
I've battled a lot of things, and some I've won. To be honest, pornography does not seem too hard a nut to crack (no pun intended) compared to crack addiction, tinnitus, and losing my brother at age 44.... so we'll see how it goes... but i came here instead of hitting the porn sites, knowing that i'd just spent 3-4 hours last night watching porn. How much porn can a guy watch? Apparently a lot. The internet with it's myriad of women/ethnics/body shapes... well that just makes it all the more endlessly salacious. My problem is not with hardcore material, it's mostly women naked, stripping, alone, solo... their beauty to me feels like god himself is blessing me with momentary enlightenment... for how in the earth can humans who look so close to myself and my gnarly buddies somehow be so f@#$@# gorgeously irresistably impossibly beautiful?! It continually boggles my mind how much my eyes love to take in naked women.
I've had a lot of issues over the years due to this... back to when i was a kid... the stories, endless... even at 16 i was trying to get my neighbor to get naked for me, her father showed up one day after a few months in her window and tried to molest me for the next year or so, to no avail. Luckily i was already old enough it didn't affect me in any psychological way, and to this day I sorta feel bad i didn't give the poor dude even the smallest thrill hehehe but that's just a porno addict feeling bad for another perhaps.
Anyhow i haven't read any of this forum yet.. i wanted to confess my situation before i just closed the browser tab and opened up a video porn tube site in another tab. But i hope to get to know some of your stories and situations, and what you've managed to do to stay off the porn.
I will say having a girlfriend cuts my usage down to 20% of what it is otherwise.. however what i do it transfer that energy into her and ultimately demand way, way, way too much sex from anyone who is not a complete addict like myself. And i get resentful is she doesn't comply.
Any comments or help would be appreciated. Is there a way for me to block porn from my PC on myself? Not that i think that is the most mature solution....
variableknife
Welcome, Neilster. Feel free to read my journal entries and friend me. We should all help each other on here. My internet porn usage was completely out of control and getting worse, escalating. I have now been off of it for 58 days. This has been mostly through the strength God has given me, but also thanks the tools that he has put in my life. I joined SAA. Google it, you can find a 12 step meeting somewhere near you. I attend every week and do not miss a meeting. I can't, or I will relapse. I also am in counseling, and have several friends that I can confide in. You can look up software to block your computer. Google something like covenant eyes. Give the password to someone else so that you don't have it. I also rewired my brain while off of porn by eliminating masturbation. I maintained celibacy for 43 days. I think that this can be helpful for you. Your brain produces Dopamine, or basically its own morphine, when you look at porn and masturbate. It's not much different physiologically from a runner's high. But then it takes more and more of it to work. If we were alcoholics, we could simply quit drinking and stay away from it. A sex addict is going to have sex again. The point is to make it part of a positive, healthy relationship, and not one that is out of control. I hope this helps you.
2earlyriser
Welcome neilster to the group! The first step is admitting that you have an addiction and that your life is unmanageable. Recovery is hard but worth every effort. It takes time, tears and toil to overcome this addiction. For me staying away from porn was only a part of the solution. I had to get to the root cause as to why I needed porn to "feel". Once I identified the source of my addictive cycle I could work on creating a new way of dealing with stress and temptation. I have 570 days without porn today. It has been an enlightened journey. I have found that true recovery comes from a spiritual source. I had to treat the whole person, not just the physical. I was emotionally ill and spiritually dead. Once I treated my body, mind and soul better, recovery became closer to my grasp. I eat healthy, sleep enough, but not too much, I moderately exercise and I use the guidance of God. As you progress in your journey you will find tools that work for you. Use them wisely and always adapt new ones. There are many on here who will offer what worked for them. I promise that it will get better as long as your heart is in it and you work hard at it. I wish you the very best.
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