Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I'm interested in talking to gay men who have or have had in the past an addiction to sex with other men. Often seeking to have numerous partners, many anonymous even when they are in a relationship with a significant other.
What advice can you share? What worked for you? Were you concerned that this behavior put you at risk for HIV/AIDS? Fear of arrest for soliciting sex in public places? Did it seem a surprise that other gay men you knew were not concerned about having multiple sex partners and described it not as addiction, but as normal?
My experience was that i chose to leave a gay lifestyle and became ex gay. There seemed to be no monogamous partners and no one wanted to control their sexuality. Did you find a way to control sexual behavior as a gay man, or did you choose to become ex gay and leave an addictive life style as well?
What advice can you share? What worked for you? Were you concerned that this behavior put you at risk for HIV/AIDS? Fear of arrest for soliciting sex in public places? Did it seem a surprise that other gay men you knew were not concerned about having multiple sex partners and described it not as addiction, but as normal?
My experience was that i chose to leave a gay lifestyle and became ex gay. There seemed to be no monogamous partners and no one wanted to control their sexuality. Did you find a way to control sexual behavior as a gay man, or did you choose to become ex gay and leave an addictive life style as well?
I had this conversation with a gay friend of mine where he saw that the way to be gay is by having sex with other men. So my insights to him where:
1) If that is so, then heterosexuals that are celibate would be considered ex heteros?
2) Being gay is not about having sex with men but it has everything to do with being attracted to and wanting to have a romantic relationship with another man. That some gays equate it with only sex, that is irrelevant.
3) Sexual behavior control has everything to do with issues of self esteem and self worth and nothing to do with one's sexuality. Lots of heterosexual folks have a sex addiction.
4) If you feel like your behavior is out of control, it would be prudent to seek a recovery program. The issue here is NOT your sexual orientation but your addiction to sex.
5) I did have a sex addiction brought on by my porn addiction and after my recovery I decided to become celibate, not because of my sexual orientation but because I no longer desired to have sex with others.
6) Perhaps in addition to seeking a recovery program and following it to the letter, you may also want to work on your self esteem and sense of self. Healthy people do not have addictions because they know they do not need anything to give them a sense of worth, they know who they are.
7) Once you regain your sense of self, you can choose whether you want to have sex with others or not, and it would not matter if you get propositioned and not want to give in, you'll be in absolute control of your destiny.
8) Perhaps, seeking better friends may also be in order, there are gays who do not partake in the careless sex mind set, they are there, I've met them.
9) It is not so much being a matter of control but a matter of making wiser choices. When you choose a healthy life, nothing that is unhealthy will appeal to you because it is contrary to your goal.
10) Three last things: a) Sex is not a need, it is an option. 2) Having sex with others does not prove sexuality, it just shows you can have sex with others and lastly c) You have an addiction, like you have a wallet or a book but you are not the addiction.
Hope this helps,
Wolf (2 and half years sober)
Go to;
http://saa-recovery.org
The 'Green Book' has some amazing personal stories.
Also, I suggest 'Out of the Shadows' by Dr. Patrick Carnes.
Hope that helps.