Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I post on another site about my porn addiction. I've gotten to know the people over there and I can't bring myself to post about how my porn addiction and turned into a sex addiction. This story is going to be loaded with triggers, so reader beware. Here's my tale:
I am 39 and I have used porn since I was 12 or 13 years old. I would use my dad's magazines. When I was old enough, I would buy my own. Then around 2000, I got heavy into internet porn. I couldn't get enough. I looked at work, I stayed up late at night. Then came smartphones. I was even more addicted then ever. I could go hide away wherever I wanted to look at porn. Around 2010, I started posting in a porn addiction forum. I had good times and bad times.
The reason I decided to join the other forum was because I started going into chatrooms. I began talking with local women and I almost met a few of them. I'm married, by the way. I was always able to resist meeting these women, because I always felt like it wouldn't stay no-strings. I thought if we actually met and had sex, they would develop feelings and blow up my life. Then one day, I found an escort site. I couldn't believe there were local women out there doing that. I started using the escort sites as porn now too. It was so exciting to think that I could actually meet one of these women.
By the end of 2012, I did just that. My family was out of town, I went out with a buddy and had some drinks. After we split up, I called an escort. The next morning, I called another one. After that one, I felt terrible. I couldn't believe it had come to this. I went to confession (I'm Catholic) and unloaded everything. I felt mildly better, but I knew I had to stop ALL of this immediately.
I did. I went on a great run of no PMO at all for a couple of months. Eventually though, porn crept back in. Then I was looking at escorts again. Going to craigslist. But I didn't act out. I went a full year and two months. Then that winter, I called another escort. A month later, another. I was able to stay away again until October 2014. I saw 2 escorts in 2 weeks in October. Since then, I have not seen another one.
I still cannot get off the porn. I continue to go to escort sites and look at them and fantasize. A couple of times since October, I have contacted escorts. I have not followed through again though. I either come to my senses by masturbating, or we're just not able to get our schedules together.
So there it all is. I'm here looking for advice to help me. I've tried using filters and such. I find my way around them. Plus I believe that if I'm going to beat this, I'VE got to beat it. Not a filter. At this point, I'm just trying to quit for 18 straight days. I've read that it takes 14-21 days to break a habit. I really want to do this, but day after day I go through the same failure pattern. I feel good now, but its only because I PMOed this morning. I need to know how to feel strong tomorrow and the next day. I know its up to me. I guess I really just wanted to get all of that escort stuff out there. Maybe me seeing it all written out will bring me back to reality.
Any advice from anyone with a similar story is MUCH APPRECIATED.
I am 39 and I have used porn since I was 12 or 13 years old. I would use my dad's magazines. When I was old enough, I would buy my own. Then around 2000, I got heavy into internet porn. I couldn't get enough. I looked at work, I stayed up late at night. Then came smartphones. I was even more addicted then ever. I could go hide away wherever I wanted to look at porn. Around 2010, I started posting in a porn addiction forum. I had good times and bad times.
The reason I decided to join the other forum was because I started going into chatrooms. I began talking with local women and I almost met a few of them. I'm married, by the way. I was always able to resist meeting these women, because I always felt like it wouldn't stay no-strings. I thought if we actually met and had sex, they would develop feelings and blow up my life. Then one day, I found an escort site. I couldn't believe there were local women out there doing that. I started using the escort sites as porn now too. It was so exciting to think that I could actually meet one of these women.
By the end of 2012, I did just that. My family was out of town, I went out with a buddy and had some drinks. After we split up, I called an escort. The next morning, I called another one. After that one, I felt terrible. I couldn't believe it had come to this. I went to confession (I'm Catholic) and unloaded everything. I felt mildly better, but I knew I had to stop ALL of this immediately.
I did. I went on a great run of no PMO at all for a couple of months. Eventually though, porn crept back in. Then I was looking at escorts again. Going to craigslist. But I didn't act out. I went a full year and two months. Then that winter, I called another escort. A month later, another. I was able to stay away again until October 2014. I saw 2 escorts in 2 weeks in October. Since then, I have not seen another one.
I still cannot get off the porn. I continue to go to escort sites and look at them and fantasize. A couple of times since October, I have contacted escorts. I have not followed through again though. I either come to my senses by masturbating, or we're just not able to get our schedules together.
So there it all is. I'm here looking for advice to help me. I've tried using filters and such. I find my way around them. Plus I believe that if I'm going to beat this, I'VE got to beat it. Not a filter. At this point, I'm just trying to quit for 18 straight days. I've read that it takes 14-21 days to break a habit. I really want to do this, but day after day I go through the same failure pattern. I feel good now, but its only because I PMOed this morning. I need to know how to feel strong tomorrow and the next day. I know its up to me. I guess I really just wanted to get all of that escort stuff out there. Maybe me seeing it all written out will bring me back to reality.
Any advice from anyone with a similar story is MUCH APPRECIATED.
If there is no 12 step program near you and unfortunately that seems to be the case for many addicts, consider joining an online program like recoverynation.com or http://candeobehaviorchange.com/healthy-sexuality/
Also, and I would urge this for other addicts as well, educate yourself about this addiction. There are lots and lots of good books out there that will help you understand yourself better and will fuel your desire to recover. Here is a link to just a sampling of some books
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_19?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=books+on+sex+addiction&sprefix=books+on+sex+addict%2Caps%2C168
Also, www.yourbrainonporn.com will help you understand why you are gripped by porn addiction.
Good luck!
My partner said by being honest with me, he felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. That it was finally out in the open and he felt good by finally letting me to take control on what I want to do from hearing his confession.
Yes, it did hurt. In fact, a large part of me died inside but I made the choice to make it work. For myself, our relationship and our family.
So, from that day on I decided to stay and help him...US get through this together but I needed to see that he was serious about his recovery.
Like the others said, get yourself into SAA groups, get a sponser, read up about this addiction and get a better understanding of it.
Shanas mentioned Your Brain on Porn website. That is a very good suggestion and it helped my partner and me by reading the articles, stories and medical sides of it.
Have you considered therapy? Maybe by going to a therapist, you might find out the underlying problem and get a better understanding of yourself. Your weaknesses, your strengths and so forth.
My partner said have you considered about your routine? For him, he had to change his routine. Instead of sitting on a computer, go and do come carpentry or gardening instead.
Find out what is triggering you, what is making you go onto these sites and how to avoid them.
I hope things are looking a bit better for you since you posted.
One thing that seriously help me cut down on my porn, is after doing research on how it's produced. When I was younger, and before youtube and documentaries were readily available on almost any topic, I thought the performers in porn enjoyed their career, at least at the moment of sex.
After watching 2 documentaries, and seeing how most women are kidnapped, and drugged. As well as most the time, they choose to be under the influence of something to perform so they can ignore the shame and guilt.
This hit home real hard. I thought to myself "every time I watch, I'm essentially supporting the dehumanizing of this woman".
I admit I am still struggling, but much, much less than before. I would PMO daily, sometimes twice (If I was off at home, and my wife was working).
I really don't want to sound like I'm telling all the addicts here "we're taking part in the abuse", but for me, that was very hard. If this perspective helps even 1 person here, great.
First of all we have a daughter who is a young woman. Knowing that something like this is happening to women his daughter's age was actually very sobering.
Both men and women are dehumanized, objectified and degraded in these images. And if that helps anyone put things into perspective then that ultimately is a good thing.