I can understand. After watching porn for so many years, I can’t be in a church without feeling shame. Do you have any friends you can trust and lean on for support? What about your family? I know it’s hard and shameful, but if they’re understanding and supportive, they could keep you accountable

hello,
the shame is powerful. Shame actually keeps us acting out. Being able to tell others and let out the shame, guilt and burden of remorse helps it taking the right step to rid this addiction from our life.
Telling others in the local SA groups has helped me greatly, Admitting to my problems, and recognizing why I have them has helped greatly.
Writing down my short comings, my pain, my hurts, my feelings, has helped me to see why I acted out,
I am 8 months sober from sex, alcohol, drugs, porn, smut, and acting out.
I had to admit to myself, to God, and to others my wrongs, my short comings, my flawed thinking, and learn how to embrace real feelings and be really intimate with real friends without my drug of addiction.
Addiction can be over come but you have to work at it.
Start a journal, write down why you feel the need for it, why you want it, what you could be doing instead, how you truly feel after you act out.
i suggest before you act out just read the bible any part.

I pray you are healthy and safe.

The only course that helps me, is action. I have to keep my thoughts distracted with something positive. There is somereally beautiful birds where I currently live, and decided to build them a house. Just to maybe keep my hands busy, and my thoughts from venturing to porn. Maybe try that? Or some other form of healthy distraction. In the end though, you have to KNOW that you can resist the urge. I believe you can make it happen! In the end, remember where your gains are, and learn from the letdown. A step forward, is always good.

I’m not a Christian but know a bit about the Bible & that the idea that most religious people have of God causes suffering & shame when they feel that they haven’t measured up to “his” standards. In the New Testament the Greek word metanoia has been translated as repentance but it should be more accurately translated as putting on a new mind. The word repentance for many people has the connotation that you should feel guilty or beat yourself over for your short comings. Putting on a new mind signifies awareness & a desire to leave the old self behind. Also the Greek word Hamartia which was translated as sin originally meant to miss the mark or err as when an archer misses the target. In other words to live unskillfully. And even though a lot of people say they don’t have an image of God, the presence of that authoritarian, all knowing judge male God of the Old Testament is firmly implanted in their psychic. If I were to visualize someone when I pray I’ d visualize Jesus not the Nordic looking 6’ tall, blue eyed Jesus with long flowing blond hair wearing a white robe but the presence of love, the feeling of it and I’d ask for that living water he spoke of to the Samaritan woman at the well. The water that would quench your thirst forever & I’d ask that I’d be given the grace to understand what it is to be born of the spirit and to be a new man. ( and to realize it) . You’re not letting anyone down. Your parents, society, your girlfriend, the members of your church have more than occasionally missed the mark but judging them or yourself won’t get you anywhere . I think Luke 6:37 should also be applied to one self. Guilt and shame binds you to the past