This depends on exactly what your wife wants to know. Some addicts in SAA will try to use the only" make amends with those who you wont harm" step to keep the truth from thier spouse. This approach is not seen as helpful to your wife or in truth to your healing. My husband is soon to be 5 years sober, in recovery with no slips or relapses and he gets asked this question at almost every single SAA meeting he attends. His answer is always the same ...this addiction hides in lies and deceit so in order for you to be 100 percent transparent that does include telling your wife what she wants to know. He also tells every single person that yes it will crush your wife, yes she is going to need therapy to get over the trauma and yes she may leave, but she has EVERY single right to know exactly what actions you have taken while you were married and make a decision based on the FULL truth. Now as a wife I will tell you that disclosure is the worst thing i have EVER had to endure but mainly because when my husband finally decided to be truthful he trickled the disclosure over a month, each time saying this is the last thing, only to disclosure more and more every time and kept the worst stuff until the end. This caused great trauma to me, PTSD, and has changed how i will forever see my husband. So yes you need to tell her, but dont hold back info, only to share more at a later date. I would HIGHLY suggest you do a formal disclosure through your therapist and even better would be if she had her own therapist or life coach to offer her support at the same time. If you are seeing a trained CSAT he should have information about how to do a formal disclosure that will lessen the impact of trauma on your wife. There is also the medical part of this, you have had sex with strangers of both sexes, and sex workers so she medically needs to be checked out for STI's ...Now a word of advice is to understand that this will cause her to ask more and more questions, and remain calm and gentle, this is not an easy recovery but success is based on the truth and transparency. Rebuilding trust will only come if you are 100percet honest with her. How can you rebuild your marriage if you are still not being truthful? Responding to your wifes email with a NO is an out and an lie. Sex addiction thrives on lies, and you sounds like your are ready to be free of this addiction.

Feeling very nauseous.

Since my wife asked me a first direct question a few days ago about 'Had I done...", we had avoided me answering. Me because I didn't know how to and her probably fearful for the answers.

It has come to a point now; she calmly said that she was going to send me a mail with a number of questions and wanted the answers to know what she was dealing with.

My entire being is urging me to lie, to cover it up, to try and save my marriage.

I'm not nauseous because of that, I'm nauseous because I have answered all of the questions honestly. I've not sent it yet, I think there is more I need to say. I was horrible. I betrayed and lied and hurt this woman who did nothing but love me.

I am so happy to read that you didnt listen to the addict and lie and cover up. It really is best to be honest. Saving your marriage is a by product of honesty and 100 percent transparency. She will make a decision if she wants to stay and work through things knowing the whole truth. How unfair would it be to find out more later on? Its like it rips the bandaide back off after some healing to place.

Email? Print a copy and show it to her. Take it with you afterwards. No need for that to appear in family court.