skyman,

At the risk of sounding like broken record, check out the Checking In thread in its entirety for tips and observations from me who is enjoying an almost five year sobriety and a newcomer to recovery, his observations and updates could prove very useful to you as you can also check in if you wish.

White knuckling is not enough, so go look at the thread, check out a site called Your Brain On Porn for inside information on the addiction process and other useful info. Hope to see you on the Check In thread.

Also before I forget, while I understand that you feel shame to have this particular addiction, I think you are selling yourself short. Yes, I do not recommend that you borrow a billboard to advertise your addiction, I do think it would behoove you to shed that mindset that prevents you from asking for help

Case in point, the largest unrecognized demographic group currently addicted to porn is, you guess it, religious leaders, and even larger are the ones addicted to gay porn. So you are not as alone as you think.

In fact, I once had a Lutheran pastor whom I took as a boarder who left me, I kid you not with a $5000 phone bill calling those 1 900 numbers way back before the internet came along in 1991. Thankfully Ma Bell and AT&T did not force me to pay it but I had to prove I was not home when those calls were made and the phone bill was a thick as book all 70 some pages

Why am I telling you all of this? Two reasons: To show you how quickly this addiction can escalate and to show you that it can happen to anybody

Hope this helps,
Wolf

Thanks - all insights and tips appreciated!

Face to face recovery is really best. There are several websites that provide support. recoverynation.com comes to mind. My husband used this for a while, but really a support group of any kind would be best, even alcoholics anonymous. You would be the only addict there with this problem either since many addicts have cross addictions as well.
It's too bad you can't start a support group in your town. There are probably others like you who struggle in silence. Hang in there.

Hello,

I struggled with pornography addiction even as a minor. I think that your first step may be to find a way to respect yourself. You shouldn't feel so guilty. Since visiting this website I have definitely slowed down on my pornography addiction. I stopped watching hard core pornography, but from time to time I stumble across some and have a relapse. I have to face that it's all over the internet and on movies and stuff. Even on this website.

But overall my pornography addiction as slowed down. I haven't been to a hard core website in a long time now. I think that the truth is that I'm incredibly lonely and hungry for something like living out my dreams. Since I cannot just wake up and go live out some of my aspirations, due to some barriers such as money, I have to turn to pornography to try and fill this gap.

The ministers at the Buddhist Temple I have visited are very crummy, I feel like leaving and not returning to their hot dog stand, but unfortunately I have little other options as far as social interaction.

As I said my porn addiction has slowed, but really it may be getting worse as I tease myself, little by little. I just need to stop making excuses and stop the viewing of arousing videos. As soon as the pornography stopped I began to look at women in bikinis on videos. It was a fix, but it didn't fix the real issue.
It seems apparent that when I look at arousing videos my mind goes somewhere else, to an imaginary place where things exist in my life that don't in reality. Things are different in this world and all of my dreams come true. In other words its a delusion, and once I realize that I've been alone masturbating I feel so upset and impatient.

Thanks for the thoughts and ideas, folks. The thought of looking for someone face-to-face is a bit scary, but trying AA sounds like a good idea. Who knows, I might even try at church - our whole belief system is based on our inability to earn our standing with God and the totality of our redemption, even if not achieved yet fully on earth - so if people really believe that....just not sure I want to be their litmus paper! I feel with you, Conformist... I've had to tell myself that any search for arousal is a step in the wrong direction, for me at least. But is there ANY website you can go to for news, travel, whatever that doesn't have some kind of image on it that's designed to arouse? Makes me feel for alcoholics wanting to watch a football game without having purposefully engineered images of cold beers flashing by!

HI skyman,

I am sorry to hear what you're going through. I hope you will over come it, The God you serve can surely help you, after sneaking into pornography site, I asked God to talk and Help me, He did it through a friend who told me She was going to study, I asked what, she said 1 Corinthians chapter 10, and after a while she sent me this verse from the same chapter, verse 13"1Cor 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it"

You have to believe that you strong enough to overcome it, and look for the run away exits God shows you. You can do anything through Christ who strengthens you.
I am feeling happy and sure that God is and will help me. I will testify to you in the coming times about my progress I believe. Going to pray for you before I go to bed.