Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
Hey all. I'm a 29 year old male who struggles a great deal with anxiety and social relationships with a consequent addiction to pornography to band-aid that maladaptive way of living. A little bit about me.... I've always found myself to be less than most of my life. I've always considered myself less than my co-workers, friends, etc. As I get older and still remain unhappily single I find myself faced with the reality of my addiction, and that reality B I T E S. I think Carnes has coined the term Toxic Shame and I can identify with that. I have faulty beliefs and a very dichotomous way of viewing the world to the ponit of borderline tendencies. I have attended some sort of sex addiction recover for about 2 years now. But my day to day experience of the world is very sad and I often have huge trouble maintaining real relationships with others when I'm not playing a victim role or having some crisis. I'm also very jealous of other people and what appears to be 'ease' of a life that they can live w/out the sadness and melancholy I've experienced. Even though I've been in recovery I'm hardly recovered. I looked at pornography again yesterday and spent money and acted out in a way that is 'incomprehensible demoralization'. I'm a sick person I know that. I need meetings, meetings, meetings right now. I guess I'm wondering what I can do but then I wonder if I have the will-power to do it. Sh*t I said will-power. Coming to believe in a power great than myself isn't coming easy. I've got a sponsor and I just don't work the steps. I'm quite afraid to change I don't know what that will look like.
Anyway, what has worked for the rest of you? Does anyone else experience these things? Has anyone else ever been 'afraid' of other people, not being able to relate to others, and in a deep sleep almost some days of their lives? I would appreciate any feedback, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me other than I'm human:)
Anyway, what has worked for the rest of you? Does anyone else experience these things? Has anyone else ever been 'afraid' of other people, not being able to relate to others, and in a deep sleep almost some days of their lives? I would appreciate any feedback, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me other than I'm human:)
To begin with, I can tell you that one of the tactics you are using for recovery is failing you big time because it's most useless. The tactic is blame. Blame is useless because it renders you unable to progress.
Taking responsibility may be a tactic you can use instead. By taking responsibility, you are adding yourself to the mix in this addiction and then you can take positive steps towards recovery.
While it is important that you seek a recovery program in order to acquire the tools you need to remain sober. You can start by eradicating everything pornographic in your sector, installing a filter in your computer and start creating new habits to replace the ritual you have been using for your pornography addiction.
As I have said many times, the same way you trained yourself to be addicted to porn, you can get yourself out of it. Of course, will power alone will not do you. you also need to start thinking powerful and positive thoughts about yourself, be aware of your triggers (those emotions that may cause you to indulge), refrain from masturbation for a while until it is no longer part of your pornographic ritual.
Diligence, determination and surrender are also needed. By surrender I mean, resist not the urge, sit with it and let it flow in you but do nothing about as in not giving in. Instead do something else that has nothing to do with your addiction.
Most important being self aware and present 24/7 are perhaps to me the key to recovery. That is when you are present, you can feel your body's changes to whatever stimuli and hear your own thought and then you can change them to something that will be life affirming for you.
And as a child of God I can safely tell you that there is nothing wrong with you, you have simply be tackling this addiction in a non life affirming way, that's all.
As for being afraid of change, I ask you this: Do you like it better now that you feel trapped and with little options? Or would you rather live a life of peace and quiet where you can look at anyone at all and know that in your heart, you have nothing to hide? In other words: Would you rather live enslaved to an outside source or would you rather be free and be happy?
And there are many ways to skin that addiction cat, 12 steps is not the only way. You can actually investigate other options. As for being sick, I take issue with that, in the sense of the way you are using it. As I have always said, words have immense power and misusing them has a tremendous effect on your psyche. Thus, instead of referring yourself in debasing ways, you may want to start using other ways that reflect progress in your life. Such as, "I am currently addicted to porn but it is only temporary."
Saying you are a sick individual keeps you rooted to the addiction and it creates a cycle of addictive behavior that only a hamster wheel could rival, if you get my drift.
So you may want to start seeing yourself as free from this addiction and act towards that goal. As I outlined above.
Good luck,
Wolf
"To think that your life is controlled in any way by another individual, group, society or source induces a condition of mental slavery thatmakes us prisoners by our own decree."; "By discovering why I am the way I am, I also find the key to bring what I want to be into existence."; Once I believe that something is true, whether it is or not, I act as if it were true. I will seek to collect facts to support that belief no matter how false they may be."; If I accept something that is not true, all my subsequent actions will be based on that flase belief."; And, "The degree to which I awaken to reality will be in direct proportion to the amount of truth I can accept about myself."
You said, " I've always found myself to be less than most of my life." Well there's one lie to address. You said, "what appears to be 'ease' of a life that they can live w/out the sadness and melancholy " Also not true....everyone has some sadness in their lives...no one is immune...life brings happiness and sadness...to everyone. You said, "I'm a sick person I know that. " Then if what you do you is sick...then do whatever isn't? Because only part of your "thinking" is sick...and you DO have the choice to "think" about other things? You said, "Coming to believe in a power great than myself isn't coming easy." And because it isn't easy...makes it not true? Could it be that you fear that "higher power" exists only to discipline your bad "behavior?" That isn't true either.
You asked, "Has anyone else ever been 'afraid' of other people, not being able to relate to others, and in a deep sleep almost some days of their lives?" Yes...once...now...no. Anyone else on this planet...is uniquely who they are...the sum total of genetics and experience...as am I. They have bad and good qualities...just like me. They are not perfect...nor am I. A wise person said, "The degree to which I awaken to reality will be in direct proportion to the amount of truth I can accept about myself." Can you accept that you are a very brave person to admit your fears? Can you accept that "everyone" has fears? Can you accept that some might be "jealous" of you, because you're so brave? Can you accept that God made you "uniquely you" and no other person on this planet can fulfill your place? Because if you don't know that you should. That IS true.
That same wise person said, "prisoners by our own decree." Because YOU are capable of becoming what you allow yourself to be? You can choose to respect your unique self...with all the good parts in sight...and you can choose to alter anything in yourself that "you" feel isn't good. You don't have to imprison yourself because you aren't someone else. You can be you...and be respected as uniquely you...just like all the rest of us humans. And, I think you should aim at your own best ability...and what you admire...and respect...and be that. Because as a man thinks...he IS.
Thank you all for your responses! God Bless.
Follow this link for more resources and support.
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/healing-from-sex-and-love-addiction