Welcome back. I am sorry that you relapsed so far. Yes recovery can and does happen. Once you make a decision to stop the behaviors including feeding the thoughts that crate such, recovery will begin. Therapy works like anything other treatment, you get back what you put into it. In treating my addiction I treat my whole person...mind, body and soul. Recovery for me is threefold. First I had to treat my body better. I stopped acting out and turned away from the bad influences in my life. That meant I had to cut people out. I started to eat better, rest better and exercise better and relax better. Next came the mind. I have been seeing a therapist for 34 years and never really talked about what was REALLY at the core of my being. In the last four years I have begun to be honest in my therapy sessions. Honesty in this safe setting was ideal for the fruits of recovery to begin. Lastly I treated my spirit. I returned actively to church. I serve in many callings and I co-chair their addiction recovery program. Getting to know my God on a personal basis was the final key to healing. Now 509 days later without porn and two years without acting out sexually I use all three components everyday to help overcome any temptations or urges. If you truly want help, it is available. Use whatever means it takes to recover. Am I recovered? I still have healing to do, but I use every resource I can to help in the process of healing. I wish you the very best.

Welcome back. And as 2early wrote, there is hope for recovery. It does happen, no matter how far down the scale we may have traveled. And, as 2early stated, we have to work on all three aspects of ourselves...the mental, the physical and the spiritual. While I am still new to all this, and have slipped, I also have seen the progress I have made, and felt, and know that, by keeping these three aspects in healthy working order, recovery for me is not only possibly, but likely.

I wish I, and I'm sure the rest of us feel the same way, had the answer. The ability to snap our fingers and make this addiction and the all the turmoil is causes not only us but our loved ones and friends as well to go away. Unfortunately, as I have had to have pointed out out to me harshly...the rewards only come when you put in the work. Not the other way around.

You can do it.

Addiction is making ourselves a rut that whenever we begin it again is worse than it was before. Once we get on that train track we just shoot down zooooom. We have to avoid getting in it. There is no halfway, we cannot do 'just one'.

Also there is a saying that if we cast out a demon without filling that empty space then that demon comes back with 7 more. We need to find better things to do. Earlyriser has described some of the positive things he has done to fill the void.

"A true end".. well, there is always going to be temptations in our lives, all kinds, including to return to this one. So they say that recovery is a lifetime process. There is no perfection, but there is improvement, Step by Step.

Therapy didn't help me either,, it told me a lot of what was wrong with me, but didn't offer any solutions. The 12 Steps work best for me. God offers me solutions.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. It means a lot that there is a place to come and express my feelings. It's so hard cause were i live the city i live in there is such a great temptation. First let me say that I'm straight but were i live there is a huge gay transgender community and their more than willing to indulge my addiction I've only started to engage in sexual acts with them in the last eight to nine months because their so easy i never thought i would ever engage in this kind of behavior and i do want to stop cause it's cost me so much, my wife and my marriage but the urge is so strong.

even thou the urge is not going to kill you you have to be able to let that dieing happen and not give in. I never thought i can pass that stage. I am am 3 months into the recovery and not doing anything beside staying away from trouble as much as I can. but when the urge comes i just tell myself that I am not going to die but I am willing to, sort of speak.
Everybody recovers in their own way due to circumstances and motives behind addiction. but I think most of the ones that do have made the mental pledge to abandon the old lifestyle and live a new life. I dont get the pleasures that I used to. And I miss it sometimes. But I know I have the opportunity to enrich my life on so many levels that will compensate everything that I am "loosing"
and one more thing. I have changed for the good quite fast by being committed to live a healthier life.i think we only realize how much damage addictions does when u are able to distance from it a little

Whenever you get mad, have you ever heard the expressions "just breathe". I used to, and really didn't like hearing it. "Didn't like" should be in all caps, like I am yelling it. Are you kidding me? Breathe. No kidding. Gee thanks for the advice. Whenever someone would say that I would "hear", I can't help you, nor can I contribute any actual advice that can.

Today, if something bad happens, or I think about something I do not want to be thinking about. I breathe.

Funny how that works. Amazing really in a way. I hope that you find a way to quit doing bad things to your self. Whether it spiritual, physical or mental. Or all three. I agree with 2earlyriser. I am starting to realize that before any of the stresses of life hit me, or temptation entered my mind, or drugs, or whatever, there was something in life I was missing.

I went to a meeting of AA and told them that even though I have not done cocaine for a long time, (10 years), I am still a coke head. I lie, manipulate, steal, cheat, use people, and still feel that guilty conscience. I also told them I am not mentally flipping the bird to them every time they talk. I have to emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally grow. It took a long time to see that. And it will take a long time seeing more things. I know that being here, posting, on this site, is a miracle in itself. And I do not want to waste my life and miracles anymore. Day by day, breath by breath, I will try and do that right thing.

#birdy27 so refreshing to read about ur positive experience. each day reminds me how much I have lost and how much I have to gain. but I feel blessed, proud and motivated. And it pays off in everything I do.
It will be a journey but I'd rather experience life sober and at peace w myself than lying myself and other all the time.

jimpoe, there may be deeper reasons that are triggering these urges in you, insecurities, confusions, things that you think get resolved by these relationships and people. It actually only makes it worse but maybe, for the moment, it makes you 'feel better' . There is also sometimes a 'thrill' in doing some of these things, which I can't explain but maybe you understand, and that 'thrill' is endorphins, pleasure, that feels good and makes us want to do it again,, and that is the door to real addiction.

When I read the title of the thread, that describes it as 'war' , something doesn't sit right. It's a negative viewpoint, and I never did well approaching it this way. It is a struggle, no doubt, but if we look at it positively, as some people have shared in their posts, there is a lot to gain. If we focus on what we have to gain, instead of what we have to lose, it's a lot more motivating, and provides direction.

Not saying these are demons, but for example, when we simply focus on fighting an enemy/demon we are not thinking of what we went to do when we win. fight, fight, fight, fight,,, and then what? Changing the focus to positively redirecting our lives so that we can see the prize works better.

When we choose a positive goal, then we think about what steps are necessary to attain it. For example, I'd like to do some artwork.. what do I need? What steps do I need to take. Get some paper, pencil, and go to it. Then I'm not focused on the porn I am not watching while drawing houses, sunsets, etc. Say I set a goal of getting my GED.. what do I need to do to get that? Sign up, attend, study.. all positive things that take my mind off the 'war' of wasting my time with kink.

hi evryone i am new here , i dont knw if i am posting in th right section , i am 24 and i am addicted to porn almost10 yearsnow, my case was severe i came from doing it 3 to 4 times a day to once in a week sometimes till once in few month , but i keep falling back in ,i feel its destroying my life and keepin me from reaching my full potentila.i need help please :(

Hi gang. I guess i call it a war because when I'm engaging in the act it feels good but then after the self loathing sets in the self hate. My therapist seems to think my problem stems from the fact that i lost my virginity at age twelve to a sixteen year old girl and that i was over sexed at a young age. i don't really know what all that really means.

jimpoe;
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through problems...don't give up. Quit for as long as you can..try and hold off acting out even for a few days/weeks and each time the space will get longer between episodes.
What your therapist said; Well, I've had some very odd advice from therapists over the yrs.
I can tell you, many guys have lost their virginity at 12 or 13 ..sometimes to women and not girls...not many have become sex addicts.
What I can say, from my own experience, is that all addiction is propelled by FEAR. insecurity, anxiety, self hatred etc. Loss of virginity at a young age hardly comes into it.
Any addiction, whether it's cocaine, heroin, food or SEX, comforts us...wraps us in cotton wool for a very brief time. Sex propels us also into a temporary fantasy world away from the worlds problems.
We escape from FEAR. & PAIN. But when we act out, the addiction brings MORE pain. and so the cycle continues.
You HAVE to break the cycle..even for a few weeks at atime.
When you leavei t alone then your fearful feelings come to the surface. i.e. you meet your demons head on.
This has been said many many times by all sorts of sincere and humble people on this site. They've all been through it. It hasn't been easy for any of them but they've moved away from the path of self destruction.
What you have to do, firstly, is be truthful and ask yourself "'do I REALLY want to move away from self destruction?"" because this problem will carry us down further each time unless we take control.
First we feel the urge, then we act on it, then we feel WORSE (not better) it's the same cycle that tricks us every time.
This cycle literally killed a close relative of mine a few years ago. Just self destructed on sex, hookers and booze over a 40 yr period!
Nobody could get him to quit. Seeing him made me think about it all.
I know it's not easy...I still go through the pain each day and most on here have been through far worse than me, bless them.
But start of by being truthful with YOURSELF.
I wish you well sir!

" I guess i call it a war because when I'm engaging in the act it feels good but then after the self loathing sets in the self hate."

In 12 Step recovery we learn to not hate ourselves at the same time we learn to admit we've made mistakes and need to correct them. So you can stop hating yourself now and give yourself permission to recover.

Perhaps this self-hatred goes deeper than because you have given in to this addiction again.. perhaps the self-hatred came first and triggers the addictive behavior?