hi einstein,

First a hug for your eleven days. Now for tips. I have been almost 6 months sober now and this is what's worked for me. That is not to say, it works for everyone but I thought I'd help.

1) Mind you now I hardly think about pornography if at all after having it made distasteful to myself, adversion therapy and what nots. A recovery program should be able to help you here.

2) There is a lot of talk about this very maxim: what you resist, persists meaning obsessing about stopping something increases the urge. I find this to be very true. So, I have found a solution to this, distraction. I focus on something else that has nothing to do with it, every time I have had the urge.

3) If the urge is persistent which it was in the beginning of my recovery, I ran a list of reasons as to why returning to it was not one of my best ideas to date. Now almost 6 months into it, I hardly have to look at the list because I have no desire to engage in it.

4) I do think that you should tell someone about your problem to get support and he/she can be your accountability partner. Not telling a soul will only make it more unbearable for you. As it did for me for decades, count them decades.

5) I too have very little interest in sex, I dislike dating that's why I started on the porn kick to begin with and it ended up spiraling out of control for me. Not a great mix whatsoever.

6) I am from the school that masturbation in itself isn't bad, in fact it's healthy but masturbating to porn is not healthy whatsoever for so many reasons, one of which is a drug, I call it, visual meth. Enough said.

7) Another thing I did was to stop being afraid of having urges and simply feel them and say, "Thanks for sharing." and while in the throes of the urge, I'd go do something such as go for a bike ride, go downtown, be so engrossed in it that the thought would simply fizzle on its own. After a while, depending on how you deal with it, it will be negligible. The thought that is.

8) Another thing I did was to better handle my frustrations which triggered my urges. So I would calm myself down by putting music I liked and if I was at work, I would put my headphones and listen to uplifting audiobooks and music, I have on my media card just for those occasions.

9) Another thing I did not do was get paranoid about relapsing. Because I found that the more I thought about failure, the more urges I would have but that's just me. So instead I saw myself and I still do see myself as someone who's never had a porn addiction and what does that look like? Well, I don't have a porn collection in my house, I don't go to sex shops, I don't have premium channels subscriptions that would offer mature audiences movies, I have a K9 Web filter for those rare occasions where I may be tempted just to look, and I simply refuse to hang out with people who may lend me a porn movie or twenty.

10) Last but not least, what also helped and I know many bristle at the suggestion but I am constantly thanking God for helping me through this difficult time. And the latest help I got was a muscle groin pull that well has left me unable to masturbate (not that I was because my sex drive has also decreased due to lack of visual stimulation) because my junk hurts very badly, it'll be a couple of weeks, at least, before I can even stop hurting. But as a friend quipped, "Maybe God wanted to make sure, the treatment stuck. You never know." Indeed.

So, in short, it does get easier with time, however, you need to be vigilant by this I mean, you need to stop behaviors that may trigger a relapse. Getting a filter such as the one I have called Blue Coat K9 Web protection, set it up and have a friend set the password for you will be a start and a recovery program is a must.

I think I ran all the goodies, I had for you. Best of luck and trust that you'll get through this, have faith in yourself that you have enough strength to get past this and lead a normal life, so to speak. But, again, you need to get into a recovery program to accomplish this.

Peace,
Wolf

I too congratulate you on 11 days of sobriety! Wolpie nailed many of the tools that helped me & in spite of your admonishments to the contrary, finding a group and support is key.

Do you think you're the only person in the world facing these issues? Maybe you somehow think you're too good to discuss your problems with others? The people in my fellowship represent all walks of life and the vast majority of them are intelligent - make that very intelligent, accomplished professionals and you would be shocked by their admissions. There is also a wide range in ages from the teenager to the octogenarian. The bottom line is we are there for each other. Not only do we receive great insights, but we share our personal experiences and you never know how what you share may impact in a very positive manner someone else. That is at the core of fellowship.

Unlike Wolfie I find the 'god' thing a bit more difficult to embrace, but when I finally separated religion from spirituality it was an 'ah-ha' moment. I began to recognize and accept minor miracles. When I was in the middle of a major lust hit like those you describe, I would get an unexpected phone call from my sponsor or a request for help from someone from an SA group. Early on when I had decided to forgo sobriety and find a nice prostitute for the evening, it snowed 30" and no one was doing anything, let alone acting out. Label it what you like - I call those miracles.

Great advice about exercising - going for a walk, run, bike ride or going to the gym - or do something in public until the urge is mitigated. When in public practice the 3 second rule - never look at someone for more than 3 seconds - for me I changed that to the 3 nanosecond rule.

It does get easier with time and practice. It isn't easy in the beginning - it is hard and it suks, but with perserverance you can do it - we all have faith in your ability. Try not to make your recovery so cerebral, sometimes you really can overthink things.

I believe you're a Tony Robbins fan? Doesn't he talk about developing empowering questions rather than disempowering? Time to walk the talk my friend.

Nice work on the 11 days, I had the shakes too. Don't focus on the bad too much or it will get tougher. The eleven days is really good, I had more manageable urges after two weeks. Here are some of the things that have got me this far.

1. Get rid of everything in your house, computer, and on the web that will tempt you at all. Don't say to yourself, "I don't need to delete or trash that since I'm not going back". If you don't get rid of it all you will be back. Take pride of getting rid of it because of each peice you throw away you gain more of your freedom back.

2. Find out your triggers. I'm not going to ask you to read a book but dang it, when it comes to triggers, we really do have some. A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link and so is your recovery to freedom. I was a tough athlete who even played in college but I struggled with porn all through college. I really hated it but I looked back in my past and dug up what had to be dug up. I was using porn as a crutch for when I was depressed or extremely stressed. Think when you have given in most often and what where those situations. Guard yourself at your weakest points.

3. Reach out for help. I have been deteremined to beat this on my own for years now with no progress. Staying active on this site has been the best thing for me. I thought I was finished and I left the site and then relapsed. The bigger the support network you build the better.

You said that you don't want a relationship. This sounds like a good option since you say you are already happy living on your own. The only thing that scares me is some of the emphasis on the negatives of relationships. Don't let the negatives dictate your decision, let it be solely on your single lifestyle and what you feel. There is defintely a lot of sacrafice in all relationships and it's worth for the rewards.

Good luck and keep up the good work. Keep writing on the site everytime you feel an urge. Helping others with a situation like yours helps too.

Thank you three for all of your help, I really do appreciate it. I realize now how negative I sounded last night, and I am kind of disappointed in myself. I guess i was in a total breakdown--I am, by most accounts, an optimist. I guess I just lost control.

Thank you for all of your suggestions, I will keep them close at heart in my times of need and think of your encouragement. I can happily say that last night I had my finger on the button, but I stopped myself before it was too late. Not a lose, although I did get close. But I overcame it.

I actually found that after I picked up my book on the history of math (Im probably the only person I know who enjoys reading this type of thing) I found that I was able to forget about my problems and became indulged in thought.

Your advice and encouragement are deeply appreciated. I remembering feeling scared last night, afraid to go to bed for fear of the dreams. I realize how ridiculous it was now, although I also learned to not let my guard down. Today I still had a few bad thoughts, but none as bad as last night's. I guess I only came here when I was in a bad way--time to not let that happen again!




WOLF: I really like your ten step plan, I do believe I will refer to it often until I get it down pat. I see that your plan does inquire a lot of Anthony Robbins techniques, and I will incorperate them into my own plan, as my previous one was not working. I think when I finish it I will post it here, to see your critiques on it, if thats alright.
BORNTORUN: No, I am not good enough to do this by myself. Heck, I know I can't do this alone. That was when I tried to tell my parents but passed out first. I have a weak stomach for this sort of thing, and right now I love my life and don't want anything to change about it except my--not how im treated or how I'm looked at. My family does look down on people "with no self control". in the words of my dad. Not necessarily negatively more in a pity sort of way. And I know my life wouldn't be the same, even if they did look at me the same way I would be afraid of them--afraid of being treated different. I'm a paranoid S.O.B like that. not by choice, I'd like to add. So I joined here in hopes of improvement--and it has helped me immensely. Your encouragement, and even the ability to just talk to someone has freed my inner self-I do believe I've poured what my soul was at the moment on the page before and heard empowering feedback. For that, thanks.
And you mentioned my Anthony Robbins techniques. I have to agree with you there, although in my defense I usually am good about self-empowerment and being positive and encouraging to myself. I guess I slipped last night, not sure how but I just did...... Really con't think of how I started negatively. . . Sidenote: your name--Springsteen? nice....
ASHAMED01: Thanks for your advice on triggers. Its a good idea to keep looking for them. I do know that one of my triggers is feeling down, stressed, frustrated or afraid. This was why I picked up meditation. I was working on Robbins' technique and I found that I needed to find a replacement for the negative habit that gave equal or greater benefit with less sacrifice. Meditation effects open mindedness, creativity, concentration, positivity, stress/blood pressure, control, builds self confidence, strengthens the immune system........the list never stops. I believed that would cover all my triggers but I guess when I cant meditate I'm vulnerable to negativity--what started this mess. Thanks to all of you for your alternate treatments, I wish you all luck in your endeavors.

Sidenote--does anybody know any mantras that can help with this kind of thing? I couldn't find any for control or abstinence or like. anyways---

Again, thanks so much for all of your encouragement, it has been a lifesaver for me. I wish blessings about you all.

Hi Einstein,

Glad to hear you are feeling better these days. I think it's funny you should be asking for "mantras" because I was going to suggest reading books by Louise Hay which have helped me immensely in my ongoing recovery from porn addiction. The latest book by her is: "Experience your good now" ,there is a chapter devoted to addictions.

So in light of that, I'll give you a sample which I have used with great success in my recovery from time to time: You take three deep breaths to clear your mind and think about what you are trying to release, think of how this addiction is playing with you sanity, ruining your life, what you are doing to fix something within you that you feel is wrong by using something outside of yourself fix it, given that the point of power is in the present moment only, as you begin to make a shift in your mind, be willing to release the need, say, "I am willing to release the need for __________ in my life. I release it now and trust the process your life to meet my needs." Use this when you meditate and every morning and night. You'll notice the difference, your mind will eventually quiet down a lot.

Another good affirmation is: I have the power, strength, and knowledge to handle everything in my life.

Other things, I have affirmations I have used, are from Ernest Holmes' Science of Mind book on the addiction treatment section, also Joseph Murphy from the "Power of the Subconscious Mind" in his book "Miracles of the Mind" has a section on the subconscious mind and alcoholism that has helped me immensely as well, to me an addiction is an addiction no matter what it is, and this particular affirmation helped me get a grip on my addiction a bit more, I used it before going to sleep, as I was dozing off, every now and then, "I am free from this habit. I have piece of mind."

Books by Wayne Dyer have also helped me, mainly, "Excuses Be Gone" while it deals with bad habits and not addictions, I nevertheless used it to give me extra ammunition for my recovery. But other books by him , "Sacred Self", "Real Magic", "You'll see it when you believe it" in which he speaks of his alcoholism and subsequent recovery.

Other authors I have found inspirational, Caroline Myss "Anatomy of the spirit" and "Why people don't heal and how they can." and believe it or no, Norman Vincent Peale "Power of Positive Thinking." which was the first book that started me on this path to recovery.

I have also read Anthony Robbins and have used his techniques but not for my recovery, I found the above authors more helpful to me due to their spiritual bend and use of inner Self to recover but that's just me.

Borntorun: When I say God, I don't mean religion, in the least. Hence my disclaimer when I used the word, "bristle' because most would jump into religion at the mere use of the much maligned and abused G word. I offered it as a suggestion merely to give einstein assistance from the Universe, as it were. As I said in another post, call it Louise if you like. :)

ashamed: You pick up where I left off. Kudos on the additional suggestions.

Peace,
Wolf

Hey Ein - glad to hear you're on the other side of negativism - nice work & welcome back. Reading a math book for enjoyment? c'mon dude, really? LOL.

BTW the borntorun is not a Springsteen reference (actually hadn't thought about the Boss) its a reference to an awesome book on running by Christopher McDougall - yeah, I read books on running for enjoyment - oh, well neither of us are perfect.

Wolf - Louise? well maybe Oliva

Borntorun,

Two things:

1) Olivia? Even better. :)

2) Like Einstein, I read math for fun, so much my cats laugh at me (the picture I have on my moniker is of Maxwell laughing at me while I read my math books for fun, see?).I have to confess that one year I spent it doing math exercises during my lunch hour at work from my vast collection of math books: from Beginning Math to Calculus and I still pick up a book from time to time.

I do crossword puzzles also. Anyhoo, I do it to keep my mind from going to waste and I like a challenge. What should alarm you at this stage is that I am dyslexic. :)

Peace,
Wolf

So Wolf does that mean that 12+11= 32? Oh, and Oliva says hi and bless you :-)

Borntorun,

Hmmmm! You rascal. Almost got me there. :) Olivia says not to tease the animals (me) :)

Wolf