Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
Hi Everyone,
This is my first post here. I'm 23 years old and I've been addicted to porn for the past 5 to 6 years, and it has gotten progressively worse where now the only type of porn that I watch are disturbing fetishes. I've spent thousands of dollars on porn and different cam sites and have lately even actualized some of my fantasies (i feel disgusted with myself writing this).. I feel incredibly guilty and sick to my stomach as my girlfriend of 6 years is confused by my lack of sex drive and doesn't know about this addiction. I know I have to stop but it's become such a habit and I've associated it with a reward that I look forward to in a sick twisted way. I've stopped talking to friends and spend almost every night on my phone. It's hurt my self-esteem tremendously and I feel like I'm at rock bottom. I want to change now before it's too late and I lose the ones closest too me. I'm not sure how much if I deserve the support I get but I am determined to try anything.
Recently (on valentines day no less - I have terrible timing btw), I told my wife I'd been looking at porn since before we were married and she was shocked. Boy let me tell you how scared I was. She said that is adultery, cheating, and makes her feel she will never be good enough for me compared to porn stars. I thought she was going to begin thinking of leaving me. This would have destroyed my life if we had split up.
Since Valentines day, I've gone to confession, began talking to a therapist, got on ADHD medicine (mild) for the first time ever - I was going to do that anyway, but there are lot's of changes going on with me around this same time.
I was literally scared straight. She's a saint though, we had a date and got away from the kids for a night and really rekindled things. I was 100% transparent with her and told her that fidelity is very important to me which it is. I had never thought of porn as adultery. Never! I had heard my friends talk about that, but I never took it seriously until I saw the true disappointment from my wife.
Many tears later, and just over a month, I have not looked at porn at all and anytime I want to look at porn or masterbate, I reconsider how I should spend my time on something that is centric to my spouse. This is a learned behavior, but it appears to be working. Urges are the tough part. It's so easy to just look at your phone, but just play a game instead, or find something constructive to do with your urge time. I hope all the best for you. I really hope I can keep up my current record of 35 days and counting. Hang in there!
You should join a group.
Get guys friends that you can trust.
find people to talk too.
this journey of staying clean will be with you for the rest of your life, but start with today.